Pilko

Enjoying the number of people pitching "Alt+F4 for sound!" as if it's not a first week of the internet joke. Might see if I can get away with "if you say ur password it blanks it 4 u look **********"

As if that challenge from Lascelles was even a frigging foul, let alone a booking. I'm sure the referee has pulled a few challenges like that negotiating the crowd at the buffet table.

De Jong is the only player out there in our shirt who looks even remotely up to scratch.

Krul and Williamson will totally always negate any sort of passing/moving style by being absolutely fucking shit on the ball. Useless, the pair of them.

I would honestly not be bothered if we sold Krul, so so fucking bored of watching him kick the ball to the opposition or into touch. It totally negates any of his other attributes because we concede so many goals stemming from it

Third and final stooge remaining on the coaching staff to thank for that.

Didn't McClaren say there'd be a different captain in each pre-season match? So naturally he fucking gives it to Ginger Twat again.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that this link that The Mag are talking about isn't so legit?

Is there even any coverage, other than Lee Ryder's shithouse tweets?

he's sat at the table signing the contract, only for mutha's foot to appear out of it and boot him in the face.

Hopefully it'll be the same resolution to rebuild him; taking bones away from Gouffran, Williamson, Obertan and Elliot in order to restore Siem.

Silver fox hunting?

Premiership Winners: Chelsea Runners Up: Man U 3rd-6th: Man C, Arsenal, Spurs, Liverpool Relegation: Leicester, Norwich, Watford Overachievers: West Ham & Bournemouth Underperformers: Sunderland, Palace & Villa Top Goal Scorer: Costa Break Out Year: Remy Cabella, Serge Gnabry, James Wilson, Medhi Abeid, Duncan Watmore, Ruben Loftus-Cheek Season to Forget: Fabian Delph, Samir Nasri, Stewart Downing, Glen Johnson, Fabricio Coloccini, Steven Fletcher, Mile Jedinak PFA Player of the Year: Rooney PFA Young Player of the Year: Sterling Manager of the Year: Eddie Howe First manager to quite/be sacked/'mutual consent': Claudio Ranieri Newcastle United Where will we finish?: 10th Top Goalscorer?: Perez with 11 How will we do in the cup competitions?: 4th round of FA, 5th round of C1C How will we do in the derby games?: Win at home, lose away Domestic Championship Promotion: Burnley, Derby, Boro Championship Relegation: Rotherham, Preston, Forest League One Promotion: Peterborough, Swindon, Wigan League One Relegation: Shrewsbury, Walsall, Oldham, Gillingham League Two Promotion: Yeovil, Luton, Leyton Orient, Notts County League Two Relegation: Oxford, Carlisle FA Cup: West Ham League Cup: Manchester United Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Fleetwood Europe La Liga winner: Barcelona Serie A winner: Juventus Bundesliga winner: Bayern Munich Champions League winner: Juventus Europa League winner: Sevilla (probably) World Player of the Year: Messi Other: How will Bournemouth fair in their first outing in the Premier League: 14th When will Crystal Palace fans start to resent Alan Pardew: Mid-January How many goals will Balotelli score this season: 4 How will De Jong get injured this season: Impaled on a windmill

Really hope this divvy ends up re-hiring Carver, Woodman and Stone.

Not actually sure that's such a good appointment. Will be interesting though, and almost certainly a better shout than O'Neill's prehistoric football.

It's almost like Cronky and KaKa are trying to campaign as strongly as they can to win the shittest poster award.

Wouldn't be surprised to see him go full circle and pitch up at Tranmere.

I love how totally confused and befuddled we are at having even the slightest hint of squad depth What's this? Something other than total and utter shit on the bench? I don't get it!

Unbelievably Racist!

@BenSmithBBC BREAKING: Liverpool make £49m bid for Southampton midfielder Steven Davis

Send them for the stadium tour with auld Dennis, he's such a nice fella and will probably sell the club better than any of the gimps in negotiations.

Hopefully the end of Elliot regardless of whether Krul stays or not; we seem pretty keen on Woodman and would hopefully make him no.2 in that case.

Nixon's a good lad, like. Name me one sports journalist who gets everything right ffs.

Great news, and about time too.

So basically the article has the following level of link name to content accuracy: http://www.mirror.co.uk/animals/example-photos/here-is-a-picture-of-a-seventy-metre-long-basking-shark-5700432?