Ketsbaia

The best Newcastle/Sunderland XI would have Krul, Colo, Enrique, Barton, Tiote, Cabaye, Ba and Ben Arfa at the very least. Give them Sessegnon, Gyan and O' Shea.

"No comment" sounds positive, I hope its true.

Holy shit, Everton.

They look like a boy band just about to shoot a video on the roof.

One in, one out isn't a bad thing when Perch, Raylor, Xisco and Smith exist.

Great article mate. There may be teams better than us now, but how many can say they gave the world a truly memorable team?

Caulkin - "Believe Pardew still has to persuade board to free cash for striker though. Meetings this week." Jesus fucking wept. Maybe this, along with the Lukaku deal, might direct the board towards loaning Sturridge (for a small fee).

Not seen a lot of Pieters, but I've never been impressed. Hope to be wrong though.

Don't fall for it. Hope is the cruelest emotion!

Would be pleased with that (for a good price), but I'd have to take him out of my Fantasy League team

Went to same school as Grant Leadbitter and Steve Howard. I win.

Ahhh a code name - very clever, Mr Sanogo

Wouldn't be pleased with this at all. He's not a bad player, but he's failed in Europe and our new striker shouldn't be a risk - especially a big one.

And although it'll be difficult to replace Sahin, I really like his replacement Gundogan.

Caulkin used to say he supports neither team and that he wants the North East to do well. Maybe its a lie though.

At least we're used to him being unavailable. Right now, just seeing Tiote and Cabaye together is exciting enough.

Its only slightly longer than what we expected, so no big deal. Still pissed off though.

After a bit of pruning, I'm really happy with my team (especially the defence): GK: Given, Westwood DEF: Vidic, Kompany, Huth, S Taylor, A Cole MID: Yaya Toure (v), Downing, Cabaye, Wilshere, Ben Arfa FOR: Van Persie ©, Pavlyuchenko, D Graham

The game needs characters. Another story was the time he shagged a girlfriend's best mate.....while she was downstairs.

I think its about time this lunatic had his own thread. Man City’s tantrum throwing, dart chucking, tramp helping, bully fighting, backheeling striker is just a little crazy. For example: He's had his car impounded 27 times... http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/3544840/Manchester-City-star-Mario-Balotelli-car-in-pound-27-times.html He's thrown darts at youth teamers... http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/27032011/58/premier-league-balotelli-threw-darts-window.html He can't put bibs on properly... He swears on live TV... Balotelli Swearing He gives money to tramps... http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3536493/Mario-Balotelli-wins-25000-then-gives-1000-to-a-tramp.html He saves children from bullying... http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/oddballs/862875-mario-balotelli-takes-truant-boy-back-to-school-and-gives-bullies-ticking-off He provoked Man United players after an FA Cup Semi Final... http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS6qleNN_V1aA4N8_ky-7Vi3Ln7PYAaAKHZ2XdOnNszOL_r0reR7w He mocked Jack Wilshere... http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2010/dec/21/mario-balotelli-wilshere-fabregas-rooney He dumped his girlfriend on live TV, by text... It said "I’m back (visiting Italy) to make you change, but never mind, you’re sunk. Everything is against you tomorrow, bye! You‘re a stupid girl, the real problem is not a child, but stupid! Say hello to the (presenter), which is good for you! Um, OK.” He wears AC Milan kits whilst playing for Inter... http://www.totalfootballmadness.com/2010/03/23/mario-balotelli-wears-ac-milan-jersey-on-tv-show/ ....are just some of his bizarre moments. He's also allergic to grass and backheeled a one-on-one chance the other week. Controversy follows him everywhere and he's only 20. I love the guy, but he splits opinion – do you love him or hate him?

That was a very enjoyable match, especially Nani's first goal. Welcome back football....

Its alright man, we won't be getting him.

Our pessimism means we tend to fall for bad news, but theres no quotes at all there. Nothing to back up their claims (even though he'll end up there eventually). That fee would be pathetic.

Our media believes there are only 7 teams in the world: Man United, Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Man City, Spurs and Newcastle. But their signings look scarily good. Very impressive!

Tiote-Cabaye-Ben Arfa will be one of the best triangles in the league. Mouthwatering prospect, assuming the other 8 are of a good standard.