gbandit

Isak is definitely a better all round player than Haaland by a distance. He loses out on physicality but all his footballing skills are better on the ball apart from finishing where they’re fairly similar. Nunez has the best movement in the league, is rapid and a nightmare to play against but his finishing is often weaker than it should be and his passing should be better. I think he’ll make third best striker in the league his own at some point though

Levy shitting his pants right now, absolutely caked in shite

Hojlund will be top five within 12 months

Nunez should be third but he’s still a bit all over the place with his link up play. He can single handedly win matches though as his movement is the best in the league. Toney is top five and maybe Watkins too. Salah’s not there anymore. Solanke, I never watch so can’t say

Problem from a midfielder point of view is that he’d perhaps be a LCM which isn’t a position we’re desperate to fill

For me, it still has those connotations. Not as bad as the word similar to it but I’m not a fan. Others might not care but it’s one of the few words I really react against

Aye, not impressed Ian

Not really sure what the end game is there but I’m sure he’ll be playing CB soon enough. He’s an absolutely outstanding footballer. Phil Foden player of the season by a mile

Gvardiol is going to be the best CB in the world for a good few years soon, provided he stays injury free

Awful header from Alvarez. He’s a great player but he’s a lot less clinical than I thought he’d be compared with when he came on the scene

Phil Foden 2024 edition - a complete player

Pathetic from Duran. Some of the gamesmanship attached to head injuries is a joke

Fantastic goal from Villa

Lethal

Can recommend this disguise

Going to have to delete my account now before I end up in some true crime doc

What happens when a season ticket holder dies? Does that ticket just go out on general sale or can it be claimed by a family member of the deceased?

Havertz is shite at putting the ball in the net himself but he’s very good at picking out his teammates who are free and in good positions. Wanker

He played very well and is probably second to Bruno in that squad for passing ability, with Willock not back to full fitness. Schar is a very good aerial passer as well. From a defensive point of view I think it’s unclear where he is currently. He was very good in the air defensively, way better than I expected. Positionally he got caught out a couple of times and went in for a challenge when he could have maybe stood his ground. It’s to be expected though given his lack of match experience

In terms of games, the AZ Alkmaar double header. Shouldn’t we have gotten out of the home fixture better than 4-2? And then we were wasteful in the away game? Can’t remember it that clearly but I’m sure we fucked ourselves over

Levy is such a piece of shit like

Did Steve Harper ever perform a submission headlock? Dummett’s signature move sets him apart

He’s quality. An angry old gammon but one who’s able to laugh at himself

Not sure I’d care that much. It’ll always be St. James’ Park. Football’s a carcass anyway in terms of the off-pitch stuff

Appalling in truth, even accounting for some of the horrific injuries and fatigue