gbandit

Edwards: "The club will go bankrupt if they sign even one more player. St James's Park is currently a pile of rubble and I'm hearing that one of the first team players has just been run over by the team bus. As always, things can change but as it stands the club is going into administration in the next five minutes."

The main reason why I warmed to them so much was Ronaldinho leading into Xavi, Iniesta and then Messi. Messi has been my favourite player for over a decade but now that he's gone they've not got a lot going for them anymore

He might scowl a lot and spend a ton of time rolling about but his attitude on the pitch is excellent, he gives a lot for his team and was one of their very few good players from last season

Think the Everton fans will implode if those two go, especially the Molerat

When we actually win something, he'll trot out some line about how it could be the downfall of the club as we won't know how to handle success

I know people have said we should do the Botman returns unveiling but we’d be missing a trick if we didn’t have him on a 100m track and film him doing a sub 7 seconds 100m

Some journalist the other day said that wasn’t accurate. Said we were ready to offer £35m, don’t think they specified a sum that would get it done but they were making out it would be a fair amount less than £60m

If he goes to PSG, he’ll have a graveyard career for a few years. Anyway, our focus is on getting in quality players who are excited about playing for us. It seems like we wouldn’t necessarily have got the second part of that as I’m sure if he really wanted to come, he’d have overruled his agent

Eh? Is that a whoosh post? Eriksen is one of the best midfielders in the world

Jesus is far more than a goalscorer and he’s got an outstanding attitude. Will be a good signing for them

Pull the ladder up, boys

Think he’s too focused on saving his job and getting on with delivering for the country to make an announcement about Botman

Man U Twitter is class at the moment, full of loads of despairing characters

Happy to slam down some serious cash on him not going to Everton

They were Newcastle’s resident Ken M

Was he even an NUFC fan? Can’t actually remember a genuine post, just endless high quality troll posts

Be still my beating cock

If we do walk away in the coming days, wouldn't be at all surprised if he joins at the end of the window, but hopefully with his agent long gone

Todd Boehly, bringing soccer to the premier league

Lerl

The only one of those I’d genuinely be really happy about would be Lewa

Ekitike deal getting more than complicated, what on Earth is going on there. His agent needs throwing in the Seine

We’ve bullied Brighton and Burnley, who next, Brentford? We need to work our way through the whole alphabet

This Schiavone lad is a funny lad, gonna follow him for more laughs

Is this our first saga signing?