OpenC

Christ he's fucking enormous

If you're approaching from Dogger Bank or Forties

It's one of the things that always strikes me on my rare journeys south - soon as you get to Leeds/Sheffield area and beyond, it feels like it's only ever 20 miles to the next big city or town. I had never really appreciated how isolated we were by comparison.

Man these videos Look forward to a leaked "how do you feel about seeing that" where the player just shrugs his shoulders and says, "aye it's alright I suppose, I'm not that bothered about this sort of thing. Just want to play football really"

We need the thread for when he's injured or misses sitters man. It'll be like the spurs thread, not frequently bumped but always worth a read when it is. Interview was dynamic as owt looks delighted to be there

No doubt they'll be able to make emergency signings of a complete new back four over October and November after losing a game then successfully demonstrating to the PL that nobody could possibly have foreseen the defensive issues that would arise from their grim, joyless and ultimately destructive pursuit of only Isak the whole fucking summer. They'll probably dock us points as well.

Lovely terse statement "made 109 appearances, maybe scored one or two goals, we can't really remember"

Looking forward to a few Fury-On-Tyneside-As-Rich-And-Evil-Owners-Turn-Out-Weak-And-Hopeless articles in the press, which I feel are probably being churned out as I type

£120m up but with nobody to play up front and battalions of fans just accepting that we had to do it because of PSR. Feels that way to me or I wouldn't have posted it

Balance sheet champions again the fucking thrill of it. Jackie Milburn and Bobby Robson would be so proud

Need Palace to hang onto Guehi now so this can become Liverpool's Asprilla moment, "they only needed a defender to win the league, and they bought Isak instead"

this is it like so fucking weak and desperate I'm looking forward to the Dontino's analogy from bobbydazzla at least

Then we should have let him, would have made fuck all difference

Woltemade, probably

The only outcome which will satisfy me is a replay of the Will Grigg to Sunlun scenario with it becoming clear in short order that he's going to be a flop

And more odious owners. Richest in world football, still a hopeless little selling club. Pathetic Yasir and Eddie to make an impassioned appearance on the Gallowgate steps later today no doubt.

Somebody should have replied with "well Leeds and Villa didn't so it's only you so far, you fucking useless cunt"

The paid-for narrative is pretty clear like; we're spent up and will have to beg like a teenager going to their long suffering but benevolent dad Fucking nauseating

Can't wait for Manchester City to just follow this exact playbook next year for Tonali. "Welp, player isn't happy. I guess we'd better just take whatever it is they're offering" Fucking pitiful man

Alnwick's wobble continued against top of the league Redcar yesterday - went ahead twice but ultimately lost 2-4 to a couple of late suckerpunches after their wind was taken away by a second leveller. Can't get too down about it - they've had some rough games recently. Long trip down to joint bottom Esh Winning after work on Wednesday; I'll start to get concerned if things don't look up there

Ramsey deed

Mapouuuu Yanga-Mbiwa to Werewolves Of London was inspired

signed three hours ago but cannot be revealed until the social media team have found a polaroid camera and vintage Sony Walkman for him to pose with in a weird non-football-related dimly lit room and then they'll have to colour match the room so the arial 8 point text on the picture can't be read

I only watched one video but he looked like your archetype Good With His Feet For A Big Lad battering ram, great at taking the ball in the box, creating enough space to get a shot off and loving the top corners. Looked awesome and exactly the sort of finisher we've needed in that situation for years. Didn't see many/any worldies but we've got players who score those already, we need somebody who's right place right time to finish things off. No hindsight here and I might be dead wrong but I always felt Isak missed a fuckton of chances where he was pressured in a crowded box. I think he'll be fucking brilliant although there was no highlight reel of how many he missed in that same situation