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Guest GAMMELL

The Big Sam today:

 

"Got a hole in the crotch of my cobalt blue Juicy Couture tracksuit. I was sat on the bus, looked down & saw my ballbag staring back at me."

 

:lol:

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TheBig_Sam:

    I've been sniffing a big felt tip pen for two hours now. I have a little neon pink moustache. It's both decadent and outrageously cute.

 

    I feel incredible - like I can do anything. I just sang 'Nessun Dorma' word for word and I can't even speak African. Amazing.

 

JBJoeyBarton:

    Just been down the new gym. The machines got everything fair play.................twix, mars, crisps, lucazade....I'm definately going back!

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Guest Geordiesned

The BigSam: Big Brother is back. Haven't seen so many cunts on TV since Gary Neville lent me "Mingefest 14" on DVD. :lol:

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TheBig_Sam is on fire today:

 

The wife got me a vuvuzela for the World Cup. Was fairly underwhelmed until I had a go at it - and realised she'd filled it with Yop. Nice.

 

Who fancies meeting up for a glass of port and some garlic bread for the World Cup today? Perhaps at a queer bar? Cos I'm a big fat queer.

 

Ignore that last one - mother is here and she thinks she's being funny.

 

Caught her farting into my bowl of Walkers 'Sensations' & writing "shagged a homeless man today" beside each date on my World Cup calendar.

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Guest GAMMELL

Just for TheBig Sam tweets alone, I absolutely love that site  :lol: I do have tears rolling down me face reading them

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Guest ObiChrisKenobi

What really annoys me on this twitter, is when people post something, and a link, and the link is to a map of where they are.... why? is there a reason for this, or do people just like letting people know where they are?

 

So you know where they are and can punch them in the face for having shit tweets.

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What really annoys me on this twitter, is when people post something, and a link, and the link is to a map of where they are.... why? is there a reason for this, or do people just like letting people know where they are?

 

So you know where they are and can punch them in the face for having s*** tweets.

 

:clap:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seriously though, is it really just to say "I'm here and I'm on Twitter......here!"  ?

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What really annoys me on this twitter, is when people post something, and a link, and the link is to a map of where they are.... why? is there a reason for this, or do people just like letting people know where they are?

 

So you know where they are and can punch them in the face for having s*** tweets.

 

:clap:

 

Seriously though, is it really just to say "I'm here and I'm on Twitter......here!"   ?

 

It's also good for telling people that you are not at home, so feel free come and burgle the house.

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Got a letter about some kid in Liberia I'm supposed to be sponsoring. Something about some militia in his village. Straight into the bin.

 

Not gonna lie to you - my cock is humming today. These velvet underpants are playing havoc with the air circulation down there

 

Hands up who likes titties the most? Too late dickheads - Big Sam had his arm raised before the question was even asked.

 

I just had a poo and a pee at the same time. Love it when that happens. I call it a "slurpy".

 

 

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Got a letter about some kid in Liberia I'm supposed to be sponsoring. Something about some militia in his village. Straight into the bin.

 

Not gonna lie to you - my cock is humming today. These velvet underpants are playing havoc with the air circulation down there

 

Hands up who likes titties the most? Too late dickheads - Big Sam had his arm raised before the question was even asked.

 

I just had a poo and a pee at the same time. Love it when that happens. I call it a "slurpy".

 

I love that one  :mackems:

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Big Sam yesterday :lol:

 

 

Simon Weston popped round last night to show off his new Fiat 500. Lovely it is. We went on a pussy cruise round Blackburn.

 

Then 'Sex on Fire' by Kings of Leon came on the radio and he started to cry. He's still got so many issues to work though.

 

I bought him an ice cream then shouted "whores!" at a gaggle of bingo sluts. That cheeky smile was soon back on his face. 

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Big Sam:

 

Just kicked a cat in the face. His look of bemusement and hurt feelings was hilarious.

 

Terrible perfomance. Only James Cordon having a hearth attack on TV could cheer me up. Come on you fat slag, have some cake and keel over.

 

The wife said "what about some Mumford & Sons? Lovely songs them". She's away to get some plasters for the smacked mouth I just gave her.

 

I could read this shite all day. :lol:

 

 

 

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Enjoying Wimbledon, Sam?" asked the neighbour. "Oh aye," I sneered. "I also enjoy 'Glee', Diet Coke and waxing my fanny." Fucking idiot.

 

:lol: :lol:

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