Jump to content

Let's conjure up some (silly) football conspiracies


Ishmael
 Share

Recommended Posts

heck, some of them might be close to the truth.

 

Wayne Rooney only has 1 yellow card this season because the FA are attempting to clean-up his image, following his assault of an opponent whilst on England duty, having instructed officials to go easy on him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest firetotheworks

Messi will never come to England because he prefers winning everything in a beautiful city in Catalonia to winning everything on a wet Tuesday in Stoke.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Guest firetotheworks

Ian Wright is proper into falconry.

 

Alan Smith could have been a professional bmx rider/footballer.

 

That bmx one is true like.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Akabusi scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall. As luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his polished ebony skin.

 

The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Akabusi wasn't into arses. Not today.

 

He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant cock swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.

 

"Akabusi!" said a voice behind him. "Stop looking at my son with your cock out".

 

Akabusi slowly turned around and saw Katie Price in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.

 

As ever Akabusi's cock became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Akabusi had brought just in case.

 

Before Akabusi left he wiped his now dying cock on Harvey's afro, bent down to the prone Jordan, who lay liked a painter's radio in the moonlight, and whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Akabusi scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall. As luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his polished ebony skin.

 

The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Akabusi wasn't into arses. Not today.

 

He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant cock swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.

 

"Akabusi!" said a voice behind him. "Stop looking at my son with your cock out".

 

Akabusi slowly turned around and saw Katie Price in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.

 

As ever Akabusi's cock became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Akabusi had brought just in case.

 

Before Akabusi left he wiped his now dying cock on Harvey's afro, bent down to the prone Jordan, who lay liked a painter's radio in the moonlight, and whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

 

Holy shit. :lol: :lol: Are there more of these? Amazing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Jack Wilshere is not actually injured but is being internally punished by Arsenal for being caught doing coke on a night out.

 

 

IT to the K

Link to post
Share on other sites

Steve KEAN (Minor 2nd team coach) is connected to a number of pretty serious Glasgow criminals who had a vast amount of money which required laundering. (2-3million)

 

As an employee of the club KEAN was aware that ROVERS had been for sale for quite some time with very little serious interest from anyone, he knew the price and the money which would be required to purchase it. He approached his Management Company KETARO (owned by ANDERSON) and put to him a business plan for the purchase of the club, this plan would give ANDERSON unofficial control of the club and enable him to 'legally' perform the sort of transaction with existing and future players on his books that got West Ham into trouble with the TEVEZ / MASSCARNO saga. (the buying and selling of players being the only way to make money from a Premier League club)

 

The consortium that KEAN suggested involved himself (representing the the gangster money) being a shareholder and part owner in the little scheme, KENTRO unable to purchase a Premier League club to to league conflict rules, scouted around emerging markets (India / China / Brazil) for a company to come in as the official new 'owners' capable of satisfying the fit and proper test laid down by the league. VENKYS loved the idea as they were keen to attack the European market and expand beyond India. The cost to VENKYS for taking part in the venture was half the purchase price of 43million.

 

(This 20 million was set aside anyway for marketing costs in breaking into the European market so net coast to VENKYS being NIL) The remainder of the cost was met by ANDERSON and a number of others in his syndicate (including KEAN) The scheme was sold to all involve as being 'win win' as the purchase price was assured of being returned to all members of the syndicate by TV money and in worst case relegation parachute payment which totaled coincidentally approx 43 million)

 

KEAN had one condition for his involvement, the removal of BIG SAM and his promotion to Club Manager. The removal of the established management infrastructure was essential in helping the group keep the deal secret, hence JOHN W and the rest were thanked for their services and shown the door. The recent mortgage in Aug 2011 for 43million is assured against the TV money for this year and any subsequent parachute payment from relegation whether that come this year or in the future. This money has been returned to all members of the syndicate to cover their initial stake (hence the secrecy), thus any money made from here on in by way of transfers, TV money, sale of the club being total profit to the group.

 

The Indians are basically passengers on this train and as now they have their money back they are totally uninterested in the future of the club, for them it remains what it always has been, a marketing tool. ANDERSON is keen to continue to use the club as a feeder for his younger less established players, he makes money by legitamatly charging massively inflated agent fees for all players coming in and out, and in the event of a player making a big breakthrough gains millions for the syndicate in the sell on fee. KEAN..well he's just living the dream, he would never have made a Premier League manager as long as he lived, the best he could aspire to was being someones No 2 and that dream was 5-10years away.

 

The new deal recently signed by KEAN is in recognition and reward from all concerned as the others have all done very well out of the deal to date (he obviously had to be rewarded as well) He is the Manager and he's going nowhere, not because he's un-sackable but because he's delivered what he said and not withstanding HE OWNS PART OF THE CLUB. (albeit via his gangster friends in Glasgow) All of his little trips to INDIA are not about him answering to the INDIANS is about him telling them what to do, when to speak and what to say, all stuff that needs to be said in person at risk of emails or phone calls being recorded. The whole thing would take a financial investigator years to uncover and is more or less impossible to trace as the paper trail all runs though VENKYS in INDIA.

 

They have the club pretty much sawn up. The recent interest from the Middle East is of no interest to the syndicate as they only stand to gain a little over what they paid, the rewards from keeping the club are much more to them than that..If this deal ever came out..people will be going to jail..so don't expect it to anytime soon.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Akabusi scaled the walls of the £756,000 Sussex mansion with all the stealth of a gekko on a Mallorcan shower wall. As luck would have it the window was open. He dropped in and slipped out of his dungerees and let the cool air caress his polished ebony skin.

 

The house was quiet. He looked into one room and saw the sleeping Peter Andre - without the wig and wax on his face he was rather beautiful. But Akabusi wasn't into arses. Not today.

 

He heard a noise coming from the bathroom. He ran along the landing, his giant cock swinging in the air like Saddam on Youtube. He looked into the bathroom and saw a mad little f**ker, big as a barrel and blind as a bat leaping up and down in some boiling water.

 

"Akabusi!" said a voice behind him. "Stop looking at my son with your cock out".

 

Akabusi slowly turned around and saw Katie Price in front of him - wearing nothing but a Juicy Couture camisole and the slightest glistening of her ample clunge.

 

As ever Akabusi's cock became harder than the Guardian cryptic and proceeded to bang her tits off as Harvey ate a bag of Prawn Cocktail crisps from the floor that Akabusi had brought just in case.

 

Before Akabusi left he wiped his now dying cock on Harvey's afro, bent down to the prone Jordan, who lay liked a painter's radio in the moonlight, and whispered "Awooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.

 

Holy s***. :lol: :lol: Are there more of these? Amazing.

 

There is a whole series.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Mike Ashley was actually a trim and lean man before buying Newcastle United.

 

However, when he decided to purchase the club from Sir John Hall, he went on a strict 6 month regime of eating various Greggs products to endear himself to the 'fat Geordie's' that he believed would be welcoming him to the club, after he watched SkySports News and listened to a variety of views from southerners, who described to him what 'dem up norf' were like.

 

It is believed Mr. Ashley consumed 4 sausage rolls and several bacon sandwiches for breakfast, 18 sausage and bean melts and 76 steak bakes for dinner, and 35 yum-yums and 50 iced splits for tea in order to gain a whopping 26 stones in weight.

 

Chief Exec Derek Llambias grew his hair to a more slicked back look from the skinhead approach he had for some 23 years beforehand in order to achieve the 'greasy, snidey little cunt' look advised to him by Gok Wan.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...