The Official Alan Pardew Excuses Thread

[Mattoon]

"the most important thing is that I put my left shoe on my left foot, it won't be easy as my other foot will be right beside it, but I have to take responsibility and remain positive"

 

He says as he proceeds to put a glove on his right foot and shove his left shoe up his arse.

 

Why go for a natural left shoe on left foot scenario when the right shoe gives you more stability and the left shoe up your arse in case the toilet paper doesn't offer enough defence? You can wear the right glove after you get home and blame it for the frostbite you've endured all day.

[Disco]

Thought I'd dig out some (possibly new) gems.

 

Pre-season humping v Cardiff, 2012

"In terms of this match, Cardiff were a different proposition for us. We have played a lot of European teams in pre-season and this was our first real British game." TOO BRITISH

 

Maritimo (A), 2012

"...first European game on a pitch which I have to say was of a poor standard for both teams." BAD FORRIN PITCHES

 

Swansea (H), 2012

“I had a young team out." - TOO MUCH YOOF (Ferguson and Sammy, no 'youth' those two aside)

 

So'ton (A), 2012

"I feel sorry for the young players like Shane Ferguson who are trying to find their feet in this league, they are trying to find some confidence and it us hard for them." - TOO MUCH FERGUSON

 

Stoke (A), 2012

"Their keeper has made two good saves, and it is galling really as we are on this run and we are having setback after setback" - TOO MANY SAVES

 

Bordeaux (A), 2012

"The pitch was difficult. They play rugby on that pitch and it was heavy on the legs. I thought they coped better with the pitch, and they were the better side and they deserved to win." - MOAR FORRIN PITCHES

 

Reading (A), 2012

"Reading did a good job of upsetting that today, they didn’t give us a moment’s peace. They were all over us, as you’d expect. That intensity and quality they’ve got will see them all right. They’ve got no worries in this Premier League." - READING TOO GOOD

 

Reading (H), 2013

"First half we could not have played better...We had to take Cabaye off because of an injury, that brought negative reaction from the crowd and that spread around." - FUCKING FANS, WANKERS

 

 

[Ryan_Taylor]

Tomorrow; "The situation with Hatam hasn't helped". Nailed on.

[Darth Crooks]

Wait he just blamed Rugby didn't he?

[Guest]

Too much Ferguson.

[Skeletor]

Excuse bingo for tonight?

 

I'm gonna go with 'Full strength Arsenal', 'Atam' and 'Fans disrupted our rithum.'

[Shak]

Blaming the Stoke keeper for making saves was good stuff.

[TBG]

"Arsenul had more to play for than us, we can only dream of competiting for one of the European spots"

[KDT]

'Once Yohan went we was never going to be able to compete with Giroud in the looks department, I think once they got their 4th or 5th we started to come to terms with it better'

[Mattoon]

Today he could get a full house on his own! Attom didn't help, Arsenal full strenff, 53 first teamers out injured, crowd made us nervy, not enuff fret, we was more energyless, too long between games (we was rusty), they was nervous cuz my quality was back on the touchline. ..

[Curtained Wasp]

The only excuse he has left is 'I am a cunt'.

[maybe_next_year]

I'm going to guess, the tube strike will be mentioned.

[TaylorJ_01]

Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa's rebel transport vehicle got a puncture on the A1 at Biggleswade.

[Guest firetotheworks]

I'm going to go with "the pressure from not having won" mixed with "going to Arsenal away isn't the best fixture to end a win-less streak" that and "especially when they [Arsenal] are in that kind of mood"

[nemtizz]

"Hatem's Instagram post was playing on everybody's mind tonight and it affected the way we set up from the get-go. It's a shame I have no real influence on the team except to infect it with my shitness. By the way I'd just like to make it clear that I love dicks. Gimme all the dicks in and around my mouth."

[Collage]

"Mike was deeply 'urt by Attam's Instagram shenanigans and that's affected the whole squad"

[Curtained Wasp]

'I've had hay fever being this close to the grass, I think the players picked up on that, especially after the 7th went in.'

 

'Other than the 9 goals I fowt we played really well'

[Guest hydeous]

for the excuse bingo, I'm going to go with "Arsenal are fighting for the fourth place because Everton dropped points and it was always going to be difficult", "no threat since we have 5 first teamers out injured", and possibly a "the dressing room is nervous and hatems comments haven't helped"

 

This is quite fun. We should make this excuse bingo a regular thing!

[Robster]

Excellent that Disco

[ben-nufc]

'As everyone knows arsenal started out as a team for workers at an ammunitions factory, they have a long history of producing when it's needed. We can't compete with that'

[Disco]

Excellent that Disco

 

that's just from the first half of last season n all. Ridiculous.

[BrettNUFC]

Reading (A), 2012

quality they’ve got will see them all right. They’ve got no worries in this Premier League."

 

[Guest bimpy474]

Reading (A), 2012

quality they’ve got will see them all right. They’ve got no worries in this Premier League."

 

 

You're trying way too hard.

[BrettNUFC]

Reading (A), 2012

quality they’ve got will see them all right. They’ve got no worries in this Premier League."

 

 

You're trying way too hard.

 

At what?

[Guest bimpy474]

Reading (A), 2012

quality they’ve got will see them all right. They’ve got no worries in this Premier League."

 

 

You're trying way too hard.

 

At what?

 

You know.