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The Official Alan Pardew Excuses Thread


WarrenBartonCentrePartin
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The old grass was too long, is that on the list ? :lol:

 

We really need a new thread about this (named "There are no excuses this year") with updated OP after every game. Missed a trick with it last year.

 

As is in my sig.  Post the excuse and the source.  Let's keep a track of it in one place given the Pardew thread sometimes moves at such a rate that his little gems are often lost.  It'll be incredibly cringeworthy at times but what the heck...

 

 

 

Less than 24 hours later...

 

1. 

“In particular, Liverpool and Spurs have spent a lot of money, and other clubs such as Swansea and Southampton have coordinated their financial strength really well.

 

“You look at a club like Southampton, and they’re in a much stronger financial position than us in terms of purchasing players. "

 

http://www.thejournal.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/newcastle-united-stronger-two-years-5671462

 

2.

11/08/13:

 

http://i.imgur.com/ve9vqFF.png

 

3.

 

 

“We’ve prepared for three days with the lad [Cabaye], and then to have his head turned by this bid from Arsenal, on the eve of the game, is just disrespectful, why they couldn’t wait I don’t know. I don’t think the result would have been the same.”

 

"We'd threatened their goal, but the sending off made it a really difficult night for us and you don't want that on the first day."

 

We touched the ball three times in their penalty area

 

 

 

4.

 

"The performance up until the sending off was pretty sound. The two goals City scored, they have a lot of talent, but we threatened their goal and we looked like we could get something.

 

http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/4794/li5f.png

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/23662898

 

5.

 

 

Defensively we did not put in a bad performance, offensively we know we have to improve, but we had some key players missing today and hopefully when we play Fulham one or two will be back.

 

 

0 shots on target against West Ham, no goals scored at home in last 4, 10 condeced at home in last 4

 

6 & 7.

 

 

We seemed to drop down a gear today.

 

In the end there were too many opportunities for Hull, we have to tighten up, and find the consistency of performance that we are searching for.

 

 

 

Nothing went right for us and the inconsistency being shown was disturbing at one point.

 

 

Moar consistency. Moar stability.

 

8.

 

“It boiled down to the fact that there weren’t enough crosses going in for the front men."

 

"Playing with no wingers and a "false 9" led to no crosses? Well f*** me, there's a shock" ~ Disco

 

 

9.

 

October 31st 2013

 

Following a 4th round League Cup defeat to Man City.  At this point we'd played 9 PL games and 3 in the League Cup.  Mathieu Debuchy was the only player to feature in all 14 games.

 

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/fatigue-setting-admits-newcastle-united-6257763?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter

 

 

10.

 

January 4th 2014

 

Pardle goes a bit Jesse Pinkman after going out of the FA Cup at the 3rd round stage yet again.  It's also our fault for not turning out when his overlords explained previously in the season the cup wouldn't be a priority.

 

Pardew suffered his third exit in the third round stage of his tenure.

 

And Pardew reflected: “I am disappointed with my group.

 

“We’ve managed to lose a game that we were in control of.

 

“We don’t seem to be able to get through this tie (third round day)

 

“For the last three years I don’t know, it’s science against me.

 

“As a group we were up for the game.

 

“The first half was difficult because there wasn’t 50,000 in here to assess, I thought we played quite well.

 

“We contained them and controlled the game.

 

“The start of the second half was terrific and we looked OK.

 

“But the last 20 minutes we didn’t play well and it lost us the game.”

 

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/alan-pardew-admits-newcastle-united-646895

 

It's also worth noting that as the game wasn't televised, many had to listen on the wireless.  Commentator Mick Lowes and summariser John Anderson both said Cardiff were the better team first half - and they're meant to be a bit bias.

 

 

11.

 

March 1st 2014

 

Gets himself sent to the stands after attempting to headbutt Hull's David Meyler.

 

http://www.nufc.co.uk/articles/20140301/pardew-apologises-for-touchline-incident_2281670_3693108

Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew has apologised for his part in a touchline altercation which saw him sent to the stands against Hull City on Saturday.

 

Midway through the second half the Magpies' boss became involved in an incident with opposition midfielder David Meyler as the ball ran out for a throw-in near the dug-outs.

 

Meyler was booked and Pardew dismissed by referee Kevin Friend following the clash, and the manager admits he was in the wrong.

 

"Apart from myself, everyone in the squad was brilliant today," said Pardew, having seen his side run out 4-1 winners at the KC Stadium.

 

"Everyone has got nine out of ten, except me. The incident involving myself is not good enough.

 

"I'm the Newcastle United manager and I would like to apologise to all our fans for my conduct.

 

"It was wrong and is a wake-up call for me to go and sit down and have a think.

 

"I did not mean any damage to the guy but I have moved my head forward. I tried to push him away with my head but I should not have done that.

 

"I apologise to everyone. I should not have got involved in it."

 

When hands just aren't enough...

 

 

12.

 

March 28th 2014

 

Ahead of an upcoming game against Southampton, Uncle Pardle decides to assess the current class structure within Britain.

 

His conclusion is that the poverty-stricken north, where children are devoid of education, means that the Newcastle United academy cannot produce the quality of player that is produced in down there.

 

f***ing tory c***.

 

“Southampton have a huge catchment area and it’s a different type of catchment area,” said Pardew, whose Newcastle side travel to Southampton sitting just one place above them in the Premier League.

 

“There is a big working-class community, but there are a lot of middle-class kids who have a good education. The players who come out of Southampton are quite intelligent and there might be something in that. We have to put more intelligence into our players. That’s another side of the academy, it’s very important to not just look after the football side of it, but to also bring the right personalities through.

“We want them to be level-headed. Look at [Gareth] Bale, [Theo] Walcott, [Adam] Lallana, [Luke] Shaw, they’re all comfortable with the media, they’re all together sort of guys. That’s not down to location, that’s down to education.”

 

“You need to have a stable character or you are going to find yourself in trouble. Football intelligence is different, but Paul Gascoigne would have found it far harder in today’s game to have been Gazza.

“I’m definitely not going down the line Geordies are thick by the way, I’m trying to make a point that I hope you understand.”

 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/newcastle-united/10730782/Newcastle-manager-Alan-Pardew-admires-Southampton-academy-and-says-middle-class-players-lead-the-way.html

 

13.

 

March 29th 2014

 

After getting thumped 4-0 away at Southampton, with players looking completely disinterested and HatAm getting hooked at HT

 

"The energy level of our team was low."

 

"What we made a point is, all our fans travelled down.  It's just not good enough.  We need to care more and show more belief."

 

"It looked like we was energyless."

 

"We definitely won't pick up a point if we play like that."

 

"We need to try and find a formula because it's not working, we're not threatening the goal and the other team pick up on that."

 

Dicked 3-0 at home to Everton on the Tuesday, again we looked s***.  Quick, someone fetch the Relentless to cure that energylessness...

 

14.

 

April 5th 2014

 

Not to be a complete wuss, but let me give you the words to a song by f***ing Boyzone, of all groups.

 

Now my love

You think that I don't even mean

A single word I say...

It's only words

And words are all I have

To take your heart away

 

We've just been tonked four-zip by an under-strength Manchester United on our own patch...

 

“I understand the fans’ frustration.

 

“They want to see exciting football at this stadium and we are just not producing it at the moment.”

 

“We need to just gather ourselves together and hopefully go to Stoke and put on a performance which is above the last three.

 

“I thought the commitment was on the pitch today, there was a lot of good commitment.

 

“We actually had some decent performances in and around that performance, but United were too good today.”

 

“The opposition have been above us, there’s no doubt about that, and we have not really had any breaks in the games.

 

“We had chances today.

 

“The first goal was essential for us, I thought, and we didn’t get it.”

 

Just gan back and read them Boyzone lyrics again and think about this man and your club...

 

15.

 

April 12th 2014

 

“You do need to be able to accept criticism, take it, come back and produce your best. We’re not Chelsea or Manchester City where you win every week. We’re a big club, we don’t win every week, so there’s huge pressure on us and it builds. With two or three defeats, it builds very, very quickly.

 

“When we beat Crystal Palace I don’t think those noises would have been there, but these three defeats have put pressure on me and the team and we need to come out fighting.”

 

It has not escaped him either his critics seem more willing to voice their discontent from behind a keyboard than a stadium seat.

 

Pardew added: “Maybe there’s more of a kind of momentum gathering because of Twitter and social networking.

 

BLAME ZUCKERBERG AND s***.

 

http://www.thejournal.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/alan-pardew-dead-man-walking-6981214

 

 

16.

 

April 12th 2014

 

Lose to Stoke, as expected, even playing a marvellous 3-5-2 system.  Fans have a pop at poor Pardle, but of course it's the fault of those devious souls that dwell within Thomson House for whipping us up into a frenzy...

 

He said afterwards: “Four defeats for Newcastle is going to bring its own pressure.

 

“I don’t think the local press have helped.”

 

And reflecting on fan protests he said: “Yeah of course.

 

“Four defeats as a Newcastle manager, we have 10 senior players missing.

 

“It is a difficult hole to try to fill.

 

“Their frustration has boiled over a little bit.

 

“And we need to settle it down.

 

“The only way to settle it down is to get a win.”

 

http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/alan-pardew-local-press-not-6982537

 

I'm sure we'll get that win, Alan.  We just need to show more imputes, more creativity, more spark, more resilience and carry more of a fret...

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This is the incomplete list from last year for reference.

 

1: Europe

2: Injuries

3: Youth players

4: Spies

5: Fans

6: Not running fast enough

7: Players heads turned

8: Agents

9: Lack of investment

10: Luck

11: Senegal

12: The Pitch

13: lack of Magic

14: Notting Hill Carnival

15: Nigeria

 

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This is the incomplete list from last year for reference.

 

1: Europe

2: Injuries

3: Youth players

4: Spies

5: Fans

6: Not running fast enough

7: Players heads turned

8: Agents

9: Lack of investment

10: Luck

11: Senegal

12: The Pitch

13: lack of Magic

14: Notting Hill Carnival

15: Nigeria

 

 

16. Ba sold

17. Other teams being in form

18. Referees

19. Linesmen

20. Can't complete with sovereign states

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My favourite was when he said some of the players were tired because they had played on Thursday and some of them weren't sharp because they hadn't played on Thursday. This in the same interview.

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What we really need is a video with all these clips strung together. Some of them are just hard to believe when I read them on here (though I am sure it is true)

 

Put that violin shit from Psycho in the background, Tooj/Sewelly. The Busta Rhymes bit.

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This is the incomplete list from last year for reference.

 

1: Europe

2: Injuries

3: Youth players

4: Spies

5: Fans

6: Not running fast enough

7: Players heads turned

8: Agents

9: Lack of investment

10: Luck

11: Senegal

12: The Pitch

13: lack of Magic

14: Notting Hill Carnival

15: Nigeria

 

 

16. Ba sold

17. Other teams being in form

18. Referees

19. Linesmen

20. Can't complete with sovereign states

 

21. The training ground

22. Mike Ashley

23. Not enough experience

24. Lack of height

25. His own team selections

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I'll never forget the time last season when he was questioned on the Europe excuse with the point that 5 or 6 players didn't play in Europe a few days earlier and his answer was that those players were a bit rusty because they hadn't played. :lol:

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Guest Craig-NUFC

I'll never forget the time last season when he was questioned on the Europe excuse with the point that 5 or 6 players didn't play in Europe a few days earlier and his answer was that those players were a bit rusty because they hadn't played. :lol:

 

Wasn't there also the excuse of the team being tired when only 3 or 4 of the players played mid-week?

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This is the incomplete list from last year for reference.

 

1: Europe

2: Injuries

3: Youth players

4: Spies

5: Fans

6: Not running fast enough

7: Players heads turned

8: Agents

9: Lack of investment

10: Luck

11: Senegal

12: The Pitch

13: lack of Magic

14: Notting Hill Carnival

15: Nigeria

 

 

16. Ba sold

17. Other teams being in form

18. Referees

19. Linesmen

20. Can't complete with sovereign states

 

21. The training ground

22. Mike Ashley

23. Not enough experience

24. Lack of height

25. His own team selections

 

26. A linesman slipping over

27. Booing

28. Travelling

29. Difficult run of fixtures

30. Not enough defenders to bring on

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