Theregulars

Gouffran

Lucky

They are everything we are not. Hungry, dynamic and organised. And they cost like 1/4.

2 sitters

Sitter

Unreal levels of toilet

Been outplayed for 40 minutes. Change it

Hope he goes to Ollivander's only to find that no wand chooses him.

I think, for now at least, it looks like he's solved our tendency to get absolutely humped once a month instilled by the pardew-carver axis of toilet. He's absolutely not a world beater but he's respectable and seems to be trying to make the club respectable. I have time for him.

How are a team with Robert "ball breaker" Huth top of the league?

5 winless and goalless for cripple pardlace. Sounds familiar.

Where does he get 6 from?

Our chances to goals ratio must be the worst in European - perhaps world - football.

Moron.

Valencia is a diving little whelp

Shelvey. He's like... A footballer

Wonder interception from Colback from that corner

Fair play

Here he is ginger Jack's one man fan club. If there's one person with a remarkable track record for nosing his way up the buttholes of absolutely s**** NUFC players, it's wor Folu. The yank who started taking an interest in the EPL a couple of years ago has spoken. Yet he appears to have developed a more discerning eye for talent than you, despite the apparent infancy of his interest.

Incorrect; they are annoyed that Colback remains in. Saivet is preferable because he could, in theory, play football.

Jack Colback: the football equivalent of the unflushable floater when your new girlfriend is coming over to your one-toilet flat.

Just boo him when he touches the ball.

The thing about him is there's no "yeah, but he can...". There is genuinely no particularly positive attribute to him, other than its easy for commentators to spot him on the field.

And you know it's Shelvey going off for Saivet as well

The greatest thing about this sale is not having to hear a bunch of halfwits bleat "shoooooooot" whenever he's within 120 yards of goal.