HawK

Surprised no-one has mentioned Marcelino yet. His reasons for his unavailability to play at times were absolutely ludicrous. Not the biggest fee per transfer appearances ratio as some, but wow, he really was a complete waster. Edit: Paullow beat me to it (Posted 9 minutes ago)

Jonjo Shelvey, baby cow enthusiast.

Actually like those, main thing being they're not Puma.

Played with his own specially weighted dice for his turn on snakes and ladders

Aye, I said this. It was the only conceivable situation where that match could have coninued this evening imo.

Or he asked them to..

Except they didn't say that. They said he was friends with him and their wives were close, so he will have been affected and not in the right state of mind for the press conference.

Oh fuck did I just watch him die

Well that didn't take much finding, just put Man Utd's back 4 with either Phil Jones or one of the younger lads to partner Maguire.

International football lends well to scoring goals through crosses and set pieces, as the defence aren't as used to playing with each other and are inherently less well organised as a result. Mitrovic can thrive in this environment, Kyle Lafferty did the same. Zigic, Koller etc. Ibrahimovic must literally be the worst striker to face in international football for this reason, he's got that aerial threat combined with being one of the best players in the world for the past 15 years. I've always thought that there must be some merit to just getting an established club team's back 4 to play for their country. Don't know how far down the ladder we'd have to go in England for us to do this but I think it'd be an interesting experiment at least. We should have had more of the Arsenal back 5 at international level, it was a great chance (Dixon, Adams, Keown/Bould, Winterburn, Seaman).

Is to Bruce what Cisse was to Pardew when he arrived. And once again, the manager will be getting all the plaudits for the results. Uncanny parallels.

I'm dumbfounded that people still think he won't be here next season. This is Sports Direct FC, the only way out is if you resign or you stay in the bottom three for a period of time, unless your name is Chris Hughton (Sam Allardyce doesn't count as Ashley hadn't ripped us apart yet and was a footballing decision). Bruce won't leave without a payoff and Ashley won't give him one, so there it is in a nutshell.

How the hell have we scored 7 goals in two games against the teams placed 1st and 3rd in the league Amazing to think what a half decent manager could do with this squad.

Could have easily been a red, he kicked it at Murphy. Seen reds for less (Rivaldo on the corner flag anyone?).

Controversial, I've been thinking about this all season long, but I think St Maximan might be the strongest player on the ball we've ever had in my 30 years watching us play. He's phenomenal. Is he the most effective in that time? Arguably not, but his ability to retain the ball and move it up the pitch so consistently while under tight pressure, he's in a league of his own.

Don't forget the Jones influence.

Rarely do I actually 'lol', but I'm bawling here

The cherry on top, was the following season we played exactly the same way, and to some people's complete bafflement (especially Pardew's), the luck had run out and our position actually reflected how we were set up and the choices we made on the ball.

You must have been watching completely different games to me. On the ball all we ever did was hoof it from the back to the opposition penalty area, Cisse and Ba had the first touch and hold up play of a pair of dismembered mountain goats and never, in the entire season, won the ball. Not only that, but Tiote and Cabaye were sat practically in line with the defence, so the second ball was a freebie for the opposition. Our game plan was very much to get the opposition the ball and see if they would let us have it back further up the pitch, despite not having a high press or even a half-way press. Pretty much the only reason we finished fifth was the quality in the middle from Tiote and Cabaye and Cisse had the best 4-5 months a footballr can have, his shots that went in were frankly ridiculous. How we got to fifth, playing the way we did, was a miracle, and it was despite how Pardew set us up and managed us.

how many games in the 5th season did you watch exactly?

Jesus Christ, his blood pressure must be into quadruple figures. His face is the same colour as the fucking seat coverings.

same

It's a shame that those behind the wonderful sackpardew.com don't have the same gumption to go after Bruce, just purely from a facts-checking perspective. I can cope with him being shit at his job, but what I don't accept is the never-ending lies and exaggerations that he is never challenged on, which the media just repeat and thus the fans of other clubs then in turn think about us. And yes, I do care what other fans think of our club, it's our reputation. And when our reputation is based on this cunt's bullshit, it boils my piss.

Andy Caroll is what Dean Ashton would have become if he kept on playing after his career-ending injury.