GM

He looks a bit cold.

Couldn't agree more with that sentiment.

Sadly, I fear the cancer has as good as taken his life. Desperately sad, if so - but obviously we can all hope for some sort of miracle...

I suspect the "true" cost of buying NUFC is best measured in far more than just financial terms.

Did anyone else see the 7 horse pile up at Ayr raacecourse yesterday? Nasty.

Such a sad sight watching the club decay like this...equally sad is being so wretchedly helpless and hopeless to stop the rot...and then on top of it we have fans trying to laud it over one another with their respective "told you so"'s etc...fucking pitiful sight.

Where the fuck did that come from? Agree with the sentiment though. I was watching that fucking diabolical "ONE Show" earlier whilst browsing this place on me phone...she just looked rather yummy tonight.

I'd love to have a go on that Christine Bleakley.

Agreed. Can't see Hughes lasting there beyond Christmas, at a stretch.

Reading that sort of thing makes you wonder how long this charade will be allowed to go on before good-hearted Geordies rise up to seize control of this club's destiny.

Maybe the first few times. ...but now you're convinced it's borne of malice? I've got to admit I've swithered from one school of thought to the other on this matter for months now...at one point convincing myself that "nobody could be this incompetent, it must surely be some sort of evil rich man's bet to ruin the club?!"...and then, in light of other ridiculously inept debacles, I veer back to the other extreme of convincing myself that "no, really, perhaps it is just that he really is this woefully stupid and inept?"...or possibly there's a further explanation that none of us have yet fully managed to work out?

Portsmouth. Southampton. The latter of those will probably appoint Shearer as manager any day now.

Hanlon's Razor... That is all.

I don't really think any of this matters anymore anyway. We're all be dead in a few months' time thanks to Mexican Swine Flu.

You'll have to stitch it back on first.

Glad it all worked out in the end for him. He's a top class footballer, a natural goalscorer and I fully expect him to regain his form now that he's signed for Manchester United, and be back amongst not only the top goalscorers in the Premiership, but also back in line for regular starts for England. Congratulations, Michael. You've been a loyal and faithful and devoted servant to the club throughout your time here, and none of us begrudges you this move or the fact you've been diabolically shit for us whilst robbing us blind, week in week out.

Brilliant stuff James. Love it. Particularly the NE5 line, but also the very poignant and brilliantly timed "Don't worry, Shearer will be manager".

ANTIDISESTABLISHMENTARIANISM. See, it's easy!

WHY THE F**K IS EVERYONE USING BIG LETTERS IN THIS THREAD???

NEWCASTLE ALIENATE REMAINING FANS WITH NEW AWAY KIT - clicky THE Newcastle United board has decided to alienate its few remaining fans with a new away kit that looks like a boiled sweet made from urine. http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/images/stories/newstrip.jpg You can suck Steven Taylor for up to an hour The kit was designed by lifelong Sunderland fan Tom Logan, who said he spent weeks searching for just the right shades of yellow. He added: "I wanted something that said 'piss', but combined both the pale yellow of a poor person who drinks too much with the dark yellow of a person who buys rich food that they can't really afford." The kit will go on sale next week, priced to meet the value for money expectations of gullible, colour-blind halfwits. Meanwhile the board hopes its latest move will constitute the final straw so the club can finally be wound down and sold off at a car-boot sale in Whitley Bay. Chairman Mike Ashley said: "I'll be honest, at this point we're so brassic we're accepting Nectar Points and handjobs just to make ends meet." He added: "It's been tough - re-employing Keegan, absurdly expensive season tickets, Dennis Wise - but this should finally enable me to flatten St James's Park and use the land for raising goats." Defender Steven Taylor, who modelled the strip, said: "This is possibly the biggest tit I've felt since joining Newcastle, and I spend most of the season being dumped on my arse while the opposition hoof the ball into the roof of the net." Newcastle fan Martin Bishop added: "I've followed the Toon since Jackie Milburn but if I go around wearing that, people will automatically think I've just escaped from a parade that celebrates alternative lifestyles."

Ah, so it's just the Telegraph stirring the pot at an opportune moment, then. Glad we got that one cleared up.

You have got to be shitting me? For the sake of £65,000? Owen could pay for it in a few days time.

Git.

And as if by magic...

When did you last wash it?