Ronaldo

Stoic, straight-talking Nigel Pearson telling his players to dive now.

For the love of Christ let us get promoted, man. I can't take much more of this fucking coverage.

He's still shit.

God will you all shut up. It's fucking Barnsley.

Don't be so stupid, man. F E A R the Barnsley.

We've always had better options.

Colback and Alsoran, man. The rest is good.

George Friend starting games in the PL. Honestly.

I think Chris Kamara's having a stroke.

Christ +1.

De Bruyne's unstoppable, man. What a player.

Kaka and Carr, ffs. It's embarrassing. Not one Carr-scouted player has done owt in football besides contribute to our relegation - and I obviously don't include international players we'd all heard of in that. Not to mention his role in appointing Steve McClaren when we had 6 months to get pretty much any unemployed or contractually vulnerable manager we wanted. Move on, man.

Only if you discount about 3 of them, mind.

Doesn't make any sense on any level.

It's absolutely staggering how much braindead defending you see in the Championship, like.

I can't see what's funny either, to be fair.

We've got a much better sitting midfielder in the squad now, though.

'Why not' is a joke now?

As if you can factor in what happened at Hull fucking City, man.

Reminds me of something I was told last week. I've got an acquaintance in the gym who's been on a string of what sound like really awkward and clearly non-successful Tinder dates. When we finally asked him what his icebreaker was he told us he'd mention he'd just been released from an 18-month bit in prison (true story) after covering for his cousins who are 'basically the Kray twins of (their small town)'. The fucking idiot.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/league_cup/8222801.stm This creep must let the FA come to his house and violate his wife on a weekly basis.

What the fuck are you on about?

If he's good enough he'll make a good career for himself here, and if he's not he won't. He has the chance, don't feel sorry for him.

Eh? He's a billionaire, I'd have a bunch of Reddies wherever I go too Yep, my dad insists on carrying about that amount wherever he goes, like. Been telling him not to for years. I tend not to have too much cash on me. Just no point with everything contactless now.

Pretty sure they could easily take an afternoon off to meet Rafa, like.