Ronaldo

Yep. It's like pissing into a sieve and hoping not to make the floor wet.

Ronaldo will be mortified. Indeed. Gutted one of our players is justifying his paycheque for the first time in years.

They do try, they're just too shit and bereft of ideas to break sides down and make it count - ie with goals, the whole point of playing football.

A blind man saw this coming like: sit deep, break when possible, nothing too ambitious in possession. Unfortunately these games don't keep you up. Consistently beating those around you in the table does that.

If it ain't broke, why fix....umm.. Newcastle 0-1 Everton Newcastle United manager Steve McClaren pleased despite Everton loss "That kind of performance, that bodes well for the future" Possession Newcastle 41% - 59% Everton Shots on Target Newcastle 1 - 7 Everton "If we carry on like this - performances, attitude, the way we fight for things - we'll have a better second half (to the season) than the first." In all fairness our chances were headers and are not classed as shot on target. Shots on target is a misleading stat, keep hitting them from 35 yards out and it's classed as a shot on target when the keeper gathers it. We were much better in the 2nd half in that game, the first half was terrible. Which fucking headers did we get on target anyway?

He isn't.

What the fuck do you expect, leadership?

Oh, talent, yeah. Not a legend, though.

Michael Owen a PL legend ffs. Aye, right.

Well, that tends to happen when you refuse to pay money for them.

If it's actually you, let me just say I've missed you and this represents a very good start to 2016.

You're all gorgeous, with few exceptions. Happy new year! x

Best of luck to him if true. Terrible defender who should never have played Premier League football but tried his best and also tried to get the best out of those around him.

A pretty shit team, he means.

Nah, Thauvin's better looking and earns far more money.

Yeah, that really doesn't address the issues mentioned, though.

As hard as I'm trying I still can't see Allardyce ever getting a side relegated. Would be incredibly sweet, though.

Give it a week.

Darts on laptop, football on tele - perfect. Aye, other way round for me. Don't want to see that shithole in high def.

The shittest defence in the league and no proven goalscorer in the entire squad and you're still at it, man. Give over.

I can't hate him. He's a decent guy probably doing his best. He is a total fucking pansy, though, and I've very little respect for him and zero faith he can turn this around.

Gutting. Great guy who was always so nice to me and my family at the training ground. RIP

Shawcross would probably break our transfer record. No way we'd pay that for an English defender in his late 20s. He's exactly what we need, though. Someone to slap the likes of Janmaat into shape, too.

Bout time we produced a top drawer CB, mind. Been a while. Phil fucking Jagielka starting games, man.

One shot on target equates to 'very good' now? It's sad, how willingly thick so many of our fans are.