Ronaldo

We're gonna finish 4th!

Santon should just shoot.

Complaining already? Jesus wept. The last thing Ba would want is hoofball anyway, he's crap when we play hoofball.

Demba's scored nine since Ramadan, apparently.

Look at that blonde, man! Hello.

Aye, with Cisse behind Ba. They've got it spot on.

With that hair? And that car? You mean the white Bentley, mofo?

Colo and Davies have just had a kiss and a cuddle.

Aha.

Coloccini's made of steel, like. That's a real man's man.

In other words, when Perch comes off the bench we're winning.

I'm tall and moderately impressive, thanks.

Watched that game with my leicester supporting mate, stoned out of our trees. Brilliant comeback. Aye, I was in the Gallowgate. Was banned from going for 3 games for swearing when Heskey scored the third.

My fondest memory of that celebration was him doing it 3 times against us (each time onto the pitch) in 1997, only for his side to lose 4-3.

4-4-2 it is.

Getting the best out of Demba is going to be a little strange with Cisse in the side. Ultimately we need to try to get him ghosting into the box more, as opposed to chasing lost causes. Recently we've been forced to defend from the front. His lungs and legs can't really do both.

A bit like the alpha male who's see his satisfied wife giving a polite hello to the short, sexually unimpressive ex-boyfriend she sacked off.

This guy played for me for 10 seasons on Fifa, scoring about 300 goals. Never made a peep. Realism for you.

Like Shearer he's extremely well-rounded. He's obviously less of an aeriel threat but he appears to be more two-footed than Shearer was, and that's a pretty big compliment.

He was very slow from 1998 onwards, though, and still went on to have 4 very good seasons in front of goal.

Instinct and reaction. Once your body loses that you're basically done for as a goalscorer. We saw it happen to Shearer, sadly.

If he was a little taller and stockier he could play Bond.

Do I like him? No. But most of what he says about footballers is completely correct and consists of things other prominent pundits and personalities are afraid to say.

Mine too.

Jesus H. Christ. No wonder that Chinese lad Oldtype is a fucking fruitcake.