Gallowgate Toon

I do think we'll get a few in, but it's disgraceful that we have to move so slowly. Must admit, bar the odd soundbite, I like how McClaren comes across.

In shock news, Luke Edwards suggests he's a bad egg.

Didn't we have a really successful offside trap, a few years ago? Might be trying to replicate that. I saw a tweet saying Cathro had been working on getting our attackers to press defenders

They're a quick side but are they clever off the ball? I don't watch them much but when I do, the likes of Zaha and Bolasie seem to prefer to stick out wide, isolate their man and get the ball to feet, rather than make runs for passes into space.

Punch is one of their best players too. Surely a midfield of: Jedinek Cabaye Bolasie Puncheon Zaha Is far too attacking for Pardew? I think it'd be classic Pards, tbh. He'll be in full-on ego mode after his Palace run and will be looking to tinker, as he usually did here (see his '500 passes a game' idea after we finished 5th, for example). Isn't this usually his downfall at clubs? Sets up decent teams that grind out wins (Palace are a smashing counter-attacking outfit, to be fair), gets ideas above his station to be more attacking and the teams look leaky as owt. The players then lose the confidence they had in him and he gets sacked (well, apart from here).

It's a pretty sad move, really, but I understand why he's going to make it. His eyes are firmly on the International scene and he knows he's Pardew's wet dream. It'll be interesting to see where he gets played - his best form for us was undoubtedly as an AM but they already have 'Punch the baller' there.

I'm assuming they'll use Wijnaldum in a more box-to-box role, which makes me think Sissoko's off (unless they've realised we need a squad?!). McClaren prefers 4-3-3, doesn't he? Might be going for a mega attacking Sissoko-Wijnaldum-de Jong midfield 3

Papiss Cisse walking about Ponteland with, who I assume to be, his new wife

Lee Ryder is writing his tweet out, as we speak.

She likes Pardew. WNB.

I'm pretty sure Sissoko was played deeper when we beat Spurs 2-1, wasn't he? He was absolutely imperious that game.

Heard from a really good source that Stones is about to sign for Chelsea for at least 20m. Has he even played that much for Everton?

Paris is a mint city, man. An especially amazing place when you venture off the beaten track.

YES!

Her family are loaded, like, she owns Poppys in Ponteland now. She was canny enough in school, just a bit boring and plain. Awful thing to do to her, mind, she's pretty harmless.

Didn't he end up complaining about the style of football, in the end? It was either him or Ba, I'm sure, talking about too many long passes and all that.

To be fair, his Boro days were a long time ago. It might be the case that he's learnt from his experiences and has changed his outlook. Either way, he really shouldn't be our first choice. Garde :'(

His celebration when Sissoko scored What a fucking gimp.

Charnley's been making teas and coffees for everyone, just like before he was promoted to the ridiculous position he's in.

This, unfortunately. If they did it now after all the fuss of the other day, they'd get hammered for it. PR 101 to let things cool down, everyone forgets about it and they subtly just carry on with the same old shit.

He'll be licking the tears off his window, the prick.

My brother had some coaching sessions with him as a youth 20 years ago and said he was shit. He was apparently a total arsehole too.

I've been impressed with Ings' ability, whenever I've seen him. He's done some really smart bits of play that require a good level of vision and imagination. They've almost always been in tight spot situations in and around the box too.

I'm sure HTT once said the slope was 15 metres

There needs to be a proper connect between recruitment and management. There's no hope in our 'strategy' if the players we buy just don't suit the style of play the manager wants. Above anything else, we need a fucking good 'head coach' to come in and get us enjoying our football again. Then, a shit load of players that actually come to fit a place in the squad, rather than potential resale value.