Pilko

It's blinding sunshine here in Whitley Bay. Had no idea to was snowing.

I still can't decide why we still employ this muppet. He's not a coach, not an assistant manager and not really a proper scout. So what does he do, considering he's getting paid? Here are my suggestions: 1) Club's resident bookies runner / tab seller 2) Gives the players a laugh on the training ground 3) Club's feather duster, uses his tash of course 4) Cuts the oranges and carries the water 5) Writes the subs name on the piece of paper and gives it to the fourth official Unless anyone knows his job title or what he actually does?

Boa Morte plays for West Ham now

My match prediction is 4-2 to Newcastle. Goals from Geremi, Martins, Owen and Enrique. Bullard and Hangeland to score for Fulham.

Don't you dare mark him on effort. Smith is exactly the same, he tries hard but is crap. Keegan could sign me, I'd play my heart out, but I'd be crap and out of my depth. Don't you see that skill and ability is more important than guts and effort? To be a good player, you need both of them however, but ability comes first.

Wasn't picked in the squad due to his long injury layoff - when the squad was announced he was still out.

Great news. Hopefully a new contract will be on the table soon.

Urgh, he's a terrible player. No thanks.

Not a clue what's gonna happen. I'm just gonna switch on the radio at 2pm and sit there until 5pm. Hoping. Waiting. And ultimatley, crying?

Good thing Smith is having a spell on the bench, then. Remember the one he scored here for Wigan?

Viduka can hold the ball up for Owen or Martins to run onto. It will work, given a few games. Trust me.

I saw fans pissing off after 15 minutes of Portsmouth (h), so no sh!t.

Barton does really well to win the ball, only to pass it back to the opposition. Shit player.

First time I've thought that since the Spurs (H) game. Honestly.

Of course, let's not forget the most important backroom member: Terry Mac. Cutting the oranges, giving the players a laugh on the training ground and writing the substitutes name on the bit of paper and giving it to the fourth official. Probably the most important jobs at the club at present.

Not sure how. In the summer, West Ham seemed willing to wave ridiculous amounts of money at any player that might score a goal for them one day. Yeah, regardless of whether or not they're ahead of us, their transfer policy has been pretty naff. They've spent a lot of money on a lot of players, who are generally nowt more than mid-table/maybe top 8. I can't really think of any of their signings, since their recent influx of imports, that i can look on and say "Christ, that was a quality signing for them." Only Nobby really. Faubert seemed like a good buy to me, but he's been on the treatment table a lot, along with half the rest of their squad.

I wish that Satan would buy LA Galaxy.

Not sure how. In the summer, West Ham seemed willing to wave ridiculous amounts of money at any player that might score a goal for them one day.

Think the crowd will be up for it, especially if they watched the Birmingham game.

West Ham are now Newcastle reserves Bowyer, Dyer, Bellamy, Parker, Solano (although I've nothing against Nobby )

I'd like KK to set a target for Barton to score a certain number of goals. The guys got it in him he just seems to have lost all his confidence in his attacking play. At home against a piss poor fulham side should be perfect. For a player who is competing with Alan Smith for the record of least attempts on goal during an entire season, setting a goals target might be asking a bit much. How about setting a target for entering the opposition penalty area X amount of times? He's already met his target of 1, and that was with a penalty kick.

David Wheater's reaction to being included in the England squad: http://www.halloweencostumes4u.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000003/4189.jpg

We really want to think about signing Bullard.

Unless of course Kasey Keller falls over due to the slippy mud and drops the ball into the goal, followed by him standing the wrong way in the heavy sleet and kicking it into the back of his own net. 2-0 toon.

Gahahaha That's our word for taking the mick out of Sunderland! Give it back!