Pilko

Would love to know what this carthorse eats for a pre match meal, a Christmas dinner followed by a Ferrero Rocher tree and a few glasses of rioja by the look of it.

Schar's right to be mad there. Fouled twice, a cynical off the ball trip... no card. I hope Jow is waiting in the car park to deck the stupid cunt.

Bondswell has given a decent account of himself so far I think, not looked out of place.

Almiron and Trippier having one hell of a match here. That was the most un-Almiron finish too accurate and with some power.

Was never a free kick that, so naturally it goes in. Not sure this is going to do Pope's confidence much good his position seemed a bit odd.

Miggy in fine scoring form this pre season like. Lovely pick out from Tripps.

Popey won't want to see that one again like.

Happy news. Good for him, decent understudy to Trippier.

I went with a paltry £25.

Gayle to top score in the Championship, 16/1.

Good fitness record too. Last 4 seasons on the trot he's made 35+ league appearances for Leeds.

I think Harrison would be an excellent signing tbh. Works hard, direct, canny goal return and chance creation record, PL experience. Quite a lot of folk on twitter etc calling it "underwhelming" or "uninspiring" etc but I don't agree, I think he'd be class.

Yep. Giving him a 3 year deal at the age of 31 was pure laziness, "that'll do" and saved us having to make another signing.

One of those who's been kept on too long but overall he's served the club well and judging by what Howe has said lately he's an excellent pro and has tried to help the group despite being reduced to "giving Wood a breather for 5 mins" at best last season. Really hope it works out for him, if he can stay fit and play 30+ matches he should be bagging 15 goals in that league no bother.

Hope we keep hold. Looks like a real option.

Would love to see Anderson come on and grab this by the throat, bar the odd Bruno or Jow bit of skill it's been tepid as shit this. Probably understandable due to the heat.

Wood is fucking dreadful

Wood with a great conversion for the All Blacks there.

Perfect blend really. Three footballers and some pua Geordie passion from a lad who just git loves defending and headering.

change from his NUFC era line of referring to "the kid": On Matty Longstaff after his winner vs Man U: "He's been a breath of fresh air. He just wants to play football. I thought 'who's this ginger kid' when we were in China. He's been good in training," On Dan Barlaser after the Blackburn cup game: “It was a big night for him. It would have been nice if we’d had more possession. The kid did OK. I’m sure he’ll have enjoyed the experience even though it would have been hard going at times.” On Tom Allan after his debut in the cup replay vs Rochdale: "I’m delighted for the kid from Cramlington. In the end we had four Geordies on the pitch with him, the Longstaffs and Andy Carroll so it’s great." On Kell Watts when asked if he might play in the season closer vs Liverpool: “There’s a possibility, but the kid hasn’t played for something like five months. It’s a big ask if you haven’t played at all." The bloke's fucking insufferable when it comes to details - not just tactics, how many years he's been stealing a living, the names of fellow managers but the names of his own up-and-coming young players.

You can tell these lads start their season in anger next week whilst we've had a kick about versus Gateshead, like. Hopefully a useful exercise in sharpening up and fitness if nowt else.

And they were worth a grand total of 0 points.

An absolute non-entity of a player, just nothing about him at all. Much like the team he's just joined on loan, actually. Good work Shola - it's a match!

Probably worth a final look at him ahead of Hendrick with him being younger, on lower wages and having had a more productive loan spell (admittedly at a lower level), whereas we know Hendrick is no good at PL level and he couldn't even get into a flagging QPR side and make a difference.