Pilko

Stoke - Peterborough - Torquay Oldham Leicester - Brechin City Inverness Caley Thistle St. Johnstone Motherwell - Fulham Bolton Newcastle Wigan WBA Blackpool (only need 2 of these minimum btw, I'm not completely mental)

For those who are confident we are 4/1 with some places.

It's not Uriah is it?

He's here, he's there, he's Aliadiere

We have nothing to lose.

Four seconds

Nonda he was shite at Blackburn about four years ago, what on earth will make him any good now?

I don't really feel like any of our forwards will score at the minute, but for all Ranger's faults he actually gets involved in the game one hell of a lot more than Best and Lovenkrands who are absolute passengers.

Getting sacked from loads of lower league jobs? He'll have ousted Pardew from the hotseat within a year.

Exactly, there's only one person that article will have done anything for and we all know who that is. He'll be sat getting his rocks off in the corner of a dingy pub to that article.

We'll know Pardew has turned into Souness when he starts talking about his family in every frigging interview.

Getting 'assessed' for the Arsenal game isn't he? Not that I expect him to be playing.

Best and Lovenkrands are basically the same. They both hardly ever touch the ball.

Guthrie at times is like a third centre back. It is embarrassing how deep he sits.

Enrique could possibly have done better but Williamson is culpable because it was his shit positioning that exposed Enrique.

Despite our shitness I'm still in profit from last night. Think I'll have Inter-1 at 13/10 tonight.

He always goes round the pitch and applauds all of the fans after the game.

He was quite poor but exactly how he was meant to do anything with the aimless punts up the pitch that we gave him is beyond me. Our midfield provided the sum total of absolutely zilch and it showed.

I'd have Doyle, Jarvis, Fletcher, Milijas and Foley from Wolves.

I was half-wondering whether we could get those two dancing blokes to play up front for us.

1-3

Can't be arsed with match ratings but in a nutshell everyone was absolute dump apart from Harper. Gutierrez and Williamson stood out as being spectacularly shite.

They will score first imo but I'm sticking with 1-3 to us. I think Best will get one tonight.

Must be taking a full-time step into being a perv. I make this assumption on his moustache.