Ketsbaia

Everything - absolutely everything - hinges on this.

Freefall. 9

Close to an impressive draw, unfortunately.

Oh boy, this is bad.

Alonso is genuinely a hideous man

Rafa seemed (saag) aloof in his press conference.

Never has a naan bread gave so much hope.

He already is. Wolfsburg. Whoops. Carry on....

Sturridge, Ings, Origi - I'm sure Liverpool will let one of them go out on loan. Probably Origi.

These armbar brothers sound mint.

Can't wait for the merged friendship badge and 50-50 scarves. 'El Friendly Cuppo'

If Ashley's willing to accept £300m, there's hope. Because that's a sensible offer. And as long as it's done by mid-January, there's time to get at least 2 good players in. I'm convincing myself that it'll fall apart though.

If £250m is the most they're willing to bid, they're stupid. Hopefully it's rubbish, although it's normally safe to assume the bad news are true at this club.

Of a decent standard, no way he'll get 3 for £20m.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Sacrilege to have 2 advent calendars, like. If it's about eating more chocolate, you just pop to the shop for a Dairy Milk - Galaxy if you're feeling fancy. But advent calendars aren't about getting stuffed on chocolate, they're traditional. Two pisses that day - one on the seat, one on tradition. Throw the key at him.

Is that the same location as now? Because Selhurst Park is amongst normal streets, right by a Sainsbury's. Hard to imagine it as a modern stadium with space.

And then Southampton score. This guy is a curse. Otamendi finally delivers. Was basically just him, Foster and Morata © for me this weekend. 51pts.

Pretty sure I invented Mbemba being sung to 'September' too. Just saying.

While we're at it, I invented the term 'transfer round-up'. Until then there was no common way to describe a selection of transactions and whatnot. I wouldn't say it was particularly accurate though, they're not being rounded up like a shepherd would do.

Bit nervous about Leicester, certainly don't think we'll keep a clean sheet.

Well at least captain Morata did better than Kane and Salah. Lots of blanks this time, but Foster kept a clean sheet. 39 with Daniels, Otamendi and Sterling left.

We cant even drop Ritchie because an abnormal number of our goals come from set pieces.

Were people just saying 'managerial carousel' before then?

Lots of sides below us played each other today and results were spot on. Would rather Everton & Stoke beat Huddersfield & Swansea, with the Pardew derby draw