Sho Time

The solution here then is clearly that we should set up more homeless sleeper spikes and coat them in Dolmio bolognese sauce, but because the sauce is lacking a little in tomato flavour, throw a handful of tomatos on the spikes too.

He could just stay at Chelsea if he just wanted to pick up a large pay packet. If he wants to start every week he'll choose us over Leicester. But he doesn't really though. He goes wherever offers him the most lowie like he always does. Then why would he leave Chelsea? I meant give him a choice out of all the clubs knocking about that aren't Chelsea, of whoever comes sniffing around him permanently - he'd only go where the money is as he's done his whole time in England.

He could just stay at Chelsea if he just wanted to pick up a large pay packet. If he wants to start every week he'll choose us over Leicester. But he doesn't really though. He goes wherever offers him the most lowie like he always does.

David Platt managing Pune City. Bet Richard Keys wishes he had that job.

Liverpool probably tried to get Fowler in to set him straight, "it's alright, la!"

I don't think there's any contest. Ba was a far better player for us than Remy in his time here. Agree with this. Personally when it comes to who was the better player for us, it's Demba by a mile.

Aye - very short term it will probably pay off and he'll score the goals needed to keep them up, but in the long run when he's getting pissed off with no service because the team play so far back and defensively it won't be long before he starts slacking and kicking off.

Far too much surgery Nowt on Thauvin's missus.

Signs Adebayor today, I suppose he is big player - but not a 6'4.

Aye, who knows what Ashley is thinking though. Is he thinking wait another season, get him more games and more experience hoping his price tag will go up? Or is he thinking we have the 'purples' to cover him (we know how little he thinks of squad depth and injuries) and wants to get rid while his stock is fairly high in the summer and make a tidy profit of about £10m on him?

So small time, man. Sacking managers specifically to win the derby.

After giving him all this money to spend, there's no way Ashley is sacking him, unfortunately.

Bet it's just all banter maaate!

So what is he then? The King? The Prime Minister? Both? Stupid cunt.

David Gold, man. What a clampet. http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/row-zed/west-ham-chairman-david-gold-7237007 http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article7237154.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/Gold-retweet.jpg

In a nutshell. Surely the TV people are taking the piss out of him behind his back like all of the sea world staff too.

Apart from Ighalo, Kane and Mahrez every other player got 2pts or less this week. I've had a shocker the past 4 gameweeks.

Fucking hell I know Pardew is absolutely full of shit and full of himself (more or less the same thing I suppose), but I didn't think anything would compare to the utter bullshit statements that came out of Joe Kinnear's mouth.

Are they following them around Hard Knocks style? Because if they are. They've been advertising it as such. We'll have up close and personal access to Pardew during one of his trademark winless streaks. http://i.imgur.com/x1sQZBY.gif

Baldback.

Better than Riviere.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

YEAH, SHOW THEM WHY YOU'RE SO FUCKING SHIT YOU DAFT CUNT