Altamullan

In the sound-proof, darkened room, a Penfold lookalike picks up a phone. " Mike, I 've found him!...no, no, Warnock fucked us off. Wanted too much wedge anyway.... Yeah, he's a tosser Mike. This guy's the answer, great track record...I know, I know I did, but it's even better than Island Head's... No he's not managed an International side, far as I know, but he has got team's promoted he loves Noocawsell. Yeah, honestly...no doesn't even live here... Amazing, yeah...Who's he got promoted, you say?... Well firstly, we can get him for next to nothing...thought you'd be happy...Which teams, you say? Well, you know how it's the electronic age Mike?... Yes... Yes... Sorry Mike, I am confusing FIFA with reality again, but you only said not to do this for scouting players, this guy's a manager Mike, call him Kanji... Yeah weird fucking name..."

I can see Mitro and Armstrong complementing each other; like a poor man's version of Shearer and Bellamy. Or should say a Championship version. If they can get used to each other, given their age and probability for improvement, we might just have a decent front two for 2018-19 Premiership season.

This. Given their 'relationship' with the crowd and lack of confidence, we needed a different plan. Early first goal and they would have capitulated.

Well he definitely hasn't helped this season. Us Tynesiders are a forgiving bunch though (by and large) would not have been surprised by a mass of red hair dye in the crowd against Spurs, had he managed to keep that shot under the bar!

You know what... Fair play to them. Great team effort yesterday. Admirable comeback. Just wish that Costa had put them 1-3 down, and that would have been game over. They've taken 4 points off us. Norwich have had 3, and Villa 2. We deserve to go down, even in the unlikely event that the three games go our way (Makems draw-one, lose-one, and victory for us) we still deserve to go down. We've smeared the premiership like a watery shite, and need flushed (or a good pull through, preferably with barbed wire).

Just like Blackpool?

Funny (weird not ha,ha) but I felt really annoyed at Cisse yesterday, but disappointed for, more than in Mitro. Latter should have scored. But on reflection, it is probably because it seems to matter to Mitro. I can't cope with Cisse's grinning seeming disinterest. Easier to cope with effortful incompetence.

Just watched MOTD (too disappointed to look at it last night), I appreciate that it only shows a small portion of the game. That said, f***ing hell Cisse looked s****. No drive or urgency. Trying hard? Just trying everyone's patience, more like. There was one move, which optimises him in this game. Townsend played a ball from the right to Cisse, which went just behind Gini who was running through. The obvious ball from the Pap one, was to immediately cushion it into Gini's path, who would have been onside with a clear path to a shot on goal. No. Controls it (ish), well he's as striker right? Wants to power on towards goal himself, we can forgive him that, can't we? No. On both counts (even though he also had a clear run). Slows down the move, plays crap cross field ball. No 'dilly-ding, dilly-dong' Ranieri dream for us. Just dilly-dally-dawdle into a relegation nightmare.

Norwich 0-1 Man Utd Aston Villa 1-3 Newcastle Bournemouth 3-2 West Brom Crystal Palace v1-2 Stoke Sunderland 1-3 Chelsea West Ham 1-0 Swansea Leicester 2-2 Everton Spurs 1-0 Southampton Liverpool 2-1 Watford Man City 2-2 Arsenal West Ham 1-1 Man Utd Norwich 1-0 Watford Sunderland 2-2 Everton Liverpool 2-0 Chelsea

All scores to be confirmed by Magpie. Week 36: A great week for most. 18 players above 20 points. The highest scoring (10 game) week of the season with an average score of 23.5, along with a healthy smattering of truly outstanding individual performances. Looks like three 10-pointers, spread over three games: Everton 2 Bournemouth 1, Stoke 1 Sunderland 1, and Man Utd 1 Leicester 1 (you know who you are…). 38 other correct score predictions (across five games; 12 for the Makems’ draw) and 11 6-pointers, (6 from Arsenal 2 Norwich 0). Have to mention Disco, putting in the kind of week that deserves a song: I’m plumping for ‘Dis-co Ben-i-tez’. First three scores correct, including a 10-pointer, and then another one chucked in for good measure. I make it 35 points. Apols mate/all if I’ve miscalculated. Special mention to Minhosa, who irrespective of total score has possibly had an even better week. The same four correct results as Disco, all results correct bar one. Unfortunately, if scoring 32 points still warrants use of the word, the one incorrect result was the nomination: Liverpool’s B team letting Minhosa down by reversing his strongly fancied 1-3 predicted score. Cracking week anyway. Well done to you both, and to Barnes23 who also picked-out four correct scores, and also scores in the 30s. Our ‘Group Guess’ (median of our H scores vs. median of our A scores) also produced a record breaking 29 points. Lawro totalled 26, pipping his guest, comedian Nathan Somebuggerorother, by one point. Out of interest, thought I’d check whether everybody and their aunty had a storming week. Short(ish) answer is kind of, but not so much. Most favoured scores, by best players, on The Sports Predictor would have produced 20 points by Magpie’s rules (gave them our most nominated game as their nomination). It’s getting to THAT time of the season, in more ways than one, and no change at the top of our league. BeloEmre and Magpie still slugging it out; nowt in it really. Whatever happens, you've both had remarkable seasons chaps. Well played and on behalf of the mediocre majority, thanks for absence of trumpet-blowing. Barnes23 (137 points) and Disco (131 points) have had a very strong 5 weeks; both creeping up the table/gnawing away at the lead; the former to within 20 points of the ‘trophy’. On which note, congratulations to Leicester.

one touch in 12 minutes at home Let's hope next one's a goal

Everton 2-1 Bournemouth Newcastle 3-2 Crystal Palace Stoke 1-0 Sunderland Watford 2-1 Aston Villa West Brom 0-0 West Ham Arsenal 2-0 Norwich Swansea 1-0 Liverpool Man Utd 2-0 Leicester Southampton 2-1 Man City Chelsea 1-1 Spurs

Scores to be confirmed by Magpie. Weeks 34 & 35: Two ‘interesting’ weeks, scoring wise. Week 34, the only 15 game week of the season, produced some exceptionally high scores (13 in the 30s, two at 38, two at 39). However, the average points per game (ppg) was a more modest 1.9; there have been 10 higher scoring weeks this season. So a decent return, but not that remarkable. There were four 10 point scores: Disco, NUFC54, Froggy, and BillClinton notching the double advantage for their clairvoyance. All of these predictions were in line with the vast majority of player’s H/D/A prediction, so I’m ‘bolding’ my own WBA 0 Watford 1 correct score as the prediction of the week, as it was one of only two predicted away-wins, for that match. “Well done Alta!” …“Cheers Mullan.” Week 35 (scores to be confirmed by Magpie), with only 7 games, was always going to be lower scoring, though the average ppg was only 1.5 which is below average. High scores seem to come from a couple of players on 17. Looks to me as if BeloEmre is close to this on 16 pulling away a little more from our other Champions League contenders. However, I have to give myself another mention for a truly remarkable score: waited until week 35 to break a record and woo-hoo! Came good in the end: 1 point. 1 fecking point… Lowest score of the season. "I thank you." No ten pointers this week, 5 six pointers and only two correct scores, both for Liverpool v Newcastle. 2-2 must have been long odds, so very well done to BeloEmre and South-Cheshire-Toon. Top scorer of last five weeks appears to be Barnes23, with 124 points. Great form. BeloEmre, Disco, GavMcEl, Froggy and Jill are not far behind – all within 15 points. Lawro would have picked-up 29 points in these two weeks (18 and 11), giving a total of 592 (7th in our league), his guests have added 30 points (19 and 11), giving a total of 479. (bottom of our league, despite some players having missed five weeks). Good luck everybody on the run-in: there are personal bests (and worsts…) still to be broken!

Man City 2 Stoke 2 Aston Villa 1 Southampton 1 Bournemouth 2 Chelsea 1 Liverpool 0 Newcastle 1 Sunderland 0 Arsenal 2 Leicester 1 Swansea 2 Spurs 2 West Brom 0

We can't can we?

Sissoko looks knackered

Sterling's been shite. Watch the c*** score.

Wrongly disallowed goal against them away; wrongly allowed goal against us at home. If only it was a just world we're due a major favour this half!

On Todd, straight from work, in bar full of City fans... Fucking loving it! HOWAY the lads!!

Just seen City team: Demichelis and Otamendi on bench; De Bruyne and Aguero on pitch (Kompany and Mangala playing as CBs). Shit. Was about to find Mancs pub to watch it, may now give it a swerve.

Great news re Nasri and Silva. Mbabu was fantastic against Citeh, specifically made Sterling look poor and I think he was subbed prior to Mbabu also going off injured. I'd love to see Mitro against Otamendi and Demichelis (particularly the latter), but can't see that pairing ever starting again.

If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Two games with stoppage time goals that cost me a correct score, 10 points became 4. Must be near double figures for the season for late spoilers.

What the f*** is that absolute filth Jesus Christ... whilst I'm fond of the Sesame Street voiceover, not certain that noise qualifies as 'singing'.

We were the better side for 40 minutes at the Etihad (wish I could still call it Middle-Eastlands). Then ... well my memory is a bit hazy But seriously goals change games. Score first, ably assisted by resting of De Bruyne and Aguero, and Citeh are more beatable than they have been in a long while. That said, having Nasri back scares me.

Michael Owen would appear far worse, if it wasn't for Michael Gray; who has opened up a whole new stretch on the shit punditry spectrum. And what is going on with the suit 'thing'? Cut-away collars ala some 1990s stock market trader, dodgy stitched-in hankie popping out of top pocket, glasses hooked in same poke keeping his snot rag company. Slicked back hair and designer stubble; the man's a frigging mess.