Moose

I know I'll get stick for this but tree puns sap the life out of me, that's enough fir one day!

A fanbase that celebrates Newcastle dropping points more than a Sunderland win? Aye. I think it's a realistic possibility!

I've made my peace with Arsenal winning the title but it could still be a great season if Spurs go down and we make Europe in some capacity

I wonder if he took pleasure in telling any Leeds or Bradford fans on his flight that the airport isn't technically in either city and thus should be renamed 'Yeadon International Airport' Or is that just a Newcastle/Ponteland thing?

He wasn't perfect, but I'd take a referee performance like that every day of the week and twice on a Sunday considering some of the absolute clown shows we've been served up this season

Rosenior is such a prentious gimp, it'd be exhausting to spend more than a minute in his company, I get the impression that he tells everybody he meets that he wakes up at 5am, has a cold shower and reads Atomic Habits before his Hyrox workout

He's left Pope behind in the dust recently, it'll take something calamitous for him to lose the jersey now

It's a pleasure watching him play, I really like his style, he's developing into a very important player for us He's been on a really good trajectory these past few months let's hope it continues

I'm not buying any rumours about an illness. Eddie all but said that the reason he isn't playing is because his performances have been shit. I don't care how much he cost, how much he earns or what he did for Brentford last season, he hasn't earned the right to play for this team, Osula and Gordon deserve his minutes. If he's in a huff about it then it just compounds the fact that this has been an abomination of a transfer

I'm hoping for a Liverpool win tomorrow. I feel dirty for saying that but we are on the verge of an extinction level event the likes of which the PL has never seen. I know it doesn't help us much but I think Chelsea are the ones more likely to sink in any case.

Great result, owa the moon with that, the hunt for Europe is very much on*! Well done to all, keep it up! *Not that it was ever really off, but you know what I mean

Hahahaha, sorry but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write 'key' phonetically

Clearing resting the kaiy players ahead of the cup final next waykend marra

Doctors found traces of blood in Alan Brazil's alcohol stream

Can you walk there in less than 5 mins from Monument? Nar. Didn't think so. Not Newcastle then is it marra?

I can't imagine how difficult life would be if you were offended to your very core whenever you heard anything outwith the old city walls of Newcastle being referred to as Newcastle. It's always over something so trivial as well. Do they behave like this with people from other cities? They do realise that it's common practice for people to describe the location of something as "nearby *insert well known city here"? Or..... Could it be that it stems from them living a life where they're constantly mistaken for Geordies, sunderland and surrounding towns being described of as "near Newcastle" by outsiders and the fact that Newcastle is the regional hub for nearly everything?

Maften has fallen

Bearing in mind that 'past their prime' doesn't necessarily mean shite (cause I would never speak ill of the great man) then our GK has to be Pav. Remember when Roeder brought back him for a season as cover? He played 2 games that season and retired as a Geordie.

It's hard to Tel

Owen, Butt, Duff, Smith, Viduka All played in the same relegation era of course

I know exactly what you mean, my abiding memory of Luuk was being through on goal against the mackems at SJP and he hit the ball so tamely he may as well have tickled it with a feather. I toyed with including his sicknote brother, I'll never forget standing there with my jaw on the floor after he missed that sitter against Villa from about 3 yards So many more bums who I could've included purely for falling way short of expectations rather than just being flat out useless like the 11 I went for: Cabella, Thauvin, Butt, Duff, Geremi, Doumbia, Slimani, Kuqi, Clarke, Hendrick, Lewis, Joselu Then there's the shite from the Championship seasons who don't qualify for the PL XI: Harewood, Pancrate, Hanley

Fucking Bodø/Glimt the absolute mad lads! Thank fuck we didn't get drawn away to them!

So there's heaven. Here's hell: Alnwick Carr Boumsong Marcelino Babayaro Obertan Faye Colback Luque Riviere L. de Jong Subs: Sels, Bramble, Caçapa, Saivet, Ireland, Xisco, Ranger Manager: You already know who 🥬 *Edit: I forgot Jeff Hendrick exists, swap him for Colback

2000/01 was the first season I remember with any clarity, so with that in mind: Given Trippier Woodgate Burn Hall Robert Tonali Bruno HBA Isak Shearer Subs: Pope, Schär, Tino, Cabaye, Tiote, Nobby, Bellamy Manager: Howe

Fuck it, I'll say it: Isak is going up front with Shearer Note: Please don't ban me