Alan Pardew

I’ll take the job. Get a win streak going real quick and we would be out of the relegation zone.

YYYEEESSSS LADS

I feel great. I reckon I could get a good win streak going with that squad. Some good players in there. Might have some more fullbacks come in just in case. Got a wine delivery coming today from Italy. Good weekend for me lads. See ya later.

I may have done that yeah but know it was because I was fwustrated that we lost. I wanted to kick on after that season we got Europa League and 5th. But they bought me players like Vurnon Anita. Ashley was never my mate.

12th with a negative goal difference and only 5 wins. Might as well have The King in charge at this point. Those draws would have been wins. Some of them possibly defeats. Still better. Young Eddie has done well but he’s under pressure now the lad. see ya later.

Couldn’t blow his whistle any faster the cunt. The King enjoyed this match.

Fucking hell lads…

Young Eddie may well be worse at set pieces than me. Proper shocking some of these.

Prefer Tim Krul I must say.

YESSS LADS!

What a player that Anders Isak is. Better than Rivierre.

Imagine the King… back for one last dance up north. Back on the pitch… managing… I think you lot would go mental and not in a good way. I do believe I could get a nice win streak going with these players. Some good ones come through these past years. That Tino Guimaraes is some midfielder. Much much better than the cloggers I got 5th with. Even won manager of the year. That being said I think Young Eddie deserves more time this season before we can ponder on such things. He come in… and saved you from relegation after the mess Fat Bruce left you in. Then he got you CL football. No job for me yet lads… but I push on. Liverpool - City later tonight on the telly. Glass of wine for me probably.

YYYEESSS LADS I’m applying for the job! Having a nice glass of wine tonight.

We should be playing on the front foot with these players. Should i apply for the job lads?

Thank you for the kind words lads. See ya later.

Not sure why you’ve tagged The King here but I’m reminded of our massive 3-0 win over Manchester United. Good memories. Glass of wine for me now. See ya later lads.

YYYYEEEEESSS LADS WHAT A VIDEO THAT IS. We got 5th and won all those games. And we nearly won the Europa League the next season. What a great time.

YYEEESSS LADS I remember it clear as day. We got 5th and won all those games playing on the front foot. Lost quite a few too but you have to take the good with the bad.

YYYYYEEEEESSSS LADS. That’s how you win games. Bring on fullbacks!! I believe young Eddie was inspired by The King today. Another three points from me to you lot. Bottle of wine for me now. See ya later lads.

YYYYYEEESSSS LADS. Now I’ll happily admit that the 4-0 loss to Southampton was not my finest hour but then we went on a massive winning streak and we were back to 5th just like that magical season. Unlucky I thought against West Ham and Burnley to not come away with even more points. Who knows what would have happened had I stayed. Certainly wouldn’t have been relegated like the balding McClaren. See ya later !!

YYYYYYYEEEESSS LADS. Young Eddie and The King tearing up the league. He got 4th but didn’t win Manager Of The Year. I got 5th but won Manager Of The Year. See ya later.

YEEES LADS!! Money for you lot and I got to go back to London. I guess one can say the well had dried up at that point. You lot were tired of me and I was getting a bit fed up as well I must say with all the complaining and constant noise lads - So again I made something work for you lot. Remember when we thrashed Stoke 5-1? Good times. Though I will say this lads... When I left you were INSTANTLY relegated with a squad much the same as mine but with Wijnaldum. Never forget that lads. I made the wheels turn here because I knew how to navigate the Prem better than most other managers at midtable clubs. Because I was and am the KING. Ashley was never my mate, I could never escape that rumour. Hell he bought me Vurnon Anita to replace Cabaye lads...! How can you think that? Just had an amazing Pinot Nero wine lads - from a small and upcoming Italian vineyard. 74 quid a bottle well fucking worth it lads. You haven't heard of it. See ya later!

Ipswich keeper having a mare against City. You lot would do well to loan them one now that you have about 10 of them. Prefer fullbacks myself.

I’m sure that Tapsoda is an excellent player. Mbiwa lacked key elements in his game to really make it for us. See ya later.

Hardly my fault you lot couldn’t get excited for our magnificent wins. Remember when we won 5 in a row in October-November 2014? Good times lads. Leicester, Liverpool, Tottenham, WBA and QPR all beaten with us conceding just 2 goals. What a run lads. And that’s excluding the cup win against city away. So actually 6. Pelegrínni.. fucking old cunt. See ya later.