Alan Pardew

Proper shite that Hojlund lad. It’s the Norwegian Allsven for him in a few years. How is he Manchester United’s main striker?

I believe Young Eddie will win this one 2-0.

I should send my resume.

Look I may have said some things that were wrong and stupid in hindsight but you all would have done the same if you were frustrated with a loss and being asked those annoying questions from the reporters. The ball though… The King wouldn’t blame that.

Prefer my gig at talkSPORT over this nonsense. A Harry Potter character being interviewed by a man who by the looks of him just ate an entire McDonald’s. Not for me this.

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSS LADS!!!!

That Rammes Hojlund is tragic. It’s the polish Ekstraklasa for that lad in 4 years time. I enjoyed watching Young Eddie defeat the Aussie yesterday. See ya later

YYYEESS LADS. Never had doubt Young Eddie would get a result here. Do you know who the manager was the last time you lot won there in the PL? That’s right. It was The King. What a manager Young Eddie is. But will he win LMA Manager of the Year like The King? Doubtful. See ya later.

Young Eddie to win this one 3-1. I believe in him. See ya later.

The King overlooked yet again. It might be The Championship for me lads.

Villa playing some good football here but Young Eddie usually outthinks The Vampire so it could be 3 points for you lot against these.

I think I’ll apply for the Southampton gig. Get in there early. On the front foot you could say.

Ashley was never my mate.

I’ll take the job. Get a win streak going real quick and we would be out of the relegation zone.

YYYEEESSSS LADS

I feel great. I reckon I could get a good win streak going with that squad. Some good players in there. Might have some more fullbacks come in just in case. Got a wine delivery coming today from Italy. Good weekend for me lads. See ya later.

I may have done that yeah but know it was because I was fwustrated that we lost. I wanted to kick on after that season we got Europa League and 5th. But they bought me players like Vurnon Anita. Ashley was never my mate.

12th with a negative goal difference and only 5 wins. Might as well have The King in charge at this point. Those draws would have been wins. Some of them possibly defeats. Still better. Young Eddie has done well but he’s under pressure now the lad. see ya later.

Couldn’t blow his whistle any faster the cunt. The King enjoyed this match.

Fucking hell lads…

Young Eddie may well be worse at set pieces than me. Proper shocking some of these.

Prefer Tim Krul I must say.

YESSS LADS!

What a player that Anders Isak is. Better than Rivierre.

Imagine the King… back for one last dance up north. Back on the pitch… managing… I think you lot would go mental and not in a good way. I do believe I could get a nice win streak going with these players. Some good ones come through these past years. That Tino Guimaraes is some midfielder. Much much better than the cloggers I got 5th with. Even won manager of the year. That being said I think Young Eddie deserves more time this season before we can ponder on such things. He come in… and saved you from relegation after the mess Fat Bruce left you in. Then he got you CL football. No job for me yet lads… but I push on. Liverpool - City later tonight on the telly. Glass of wine for me probably.