Alan Pardew

Don’t know about 13 but I’d take more than one who’s injured for the majority of the tournament that’s for sure lads. Big lunch coming up for me later today. Some place my wife wants to try. Already forgotten the name of the place. But I’ll be having what everyone else is having that much is certain. See ya later.

YYYEESSS LADS. An international gig for the King. I was joint favourite for the job at one point as you might recall.

Ok lads let’s calm down a bit.

That Williams in acres of space all the time. What is happening Gareth???

36 goals in the league, 8 in the CL.

YES LADS is it finally coming home?? I’ve sent my texts to Gareth. Got to narrow that midfield against these. Remember when we got 5th place? What a season. see ya later

YES LADS!! Looks like Gareth read my WhatsApp messages! Very good first half. You are welcome.

YYYYEEESSSS LADS. One of many great wins

I’ve been on the drink lads so excuse my French but this lad has been in and out of your first team squad since 2021 and has accomplished what most English gentlemen would refer to as absolutely fuck all, and now you can sell him for PURE PROFIT to the Greek Baron Harkonnen of Nottingham and you are throwing your toys out the pram? no European football for you lot and Tonali coming back means little to no playing time for this lad anyway. it’s a good move for both him and you. see ya later lads.

Minteh… signed from bumfuck Odense in Norway or Denmark or whatever was never going to see a second of playing time in the premier league for you lot. You’ve now sold him for a MASSIVE profit. Just the same as the likes of Ashby and that Australian lad no one remembers. They will be moved on as well when the time is right. This is what you are now. A big club, moving players on with little remorse. Get used to it lads. I’ve been on the drink tonight not going to lie. 🍺🍺🍺 A win for England tomorrow you think? Possibly. I’ve texted Gareth with a few pointers. You get my drift? I was the favourite for the job at one point.

That Tielemans is a nothing player. Good for you lot you didn’t sign him. wouldn’t fit into Young Eddie’s way of playing.

YES LADS. Surely a win tonight to get us back on track!

YES LADS. Remember when the bookies had me as a favourite for the job after the Iceland debacle? The first one that is. Alas it didn’t come to pass. See ya later.

Sorry lads it went to voicemail.

I’ll call Gareth now during the halftime. Give him some pointers.

YES LADS!! Another 3 points for England tonight?

YYYEEESSS LADS!

Great player I brought in on the cheap. I remember his first goal for us against Spurs. Great win. Then Fat Ashley sold him for 30 million some years later. But I guess you lot don’t have to worry about such things anymore.

YES LA… hold on mate I see what you are up to here well done mate we’ve all had a laugh. I would probably take a League One job to be honest lads. This talksport thing is getting stale for me. Sittin there listening to these prats calling in on the weekend. see ya later I guess.

YES LADS!! One final dance with The King so to say. Oh to be back on the field, managing. Winning some games, probably lose some as well I’m not perfect lads I know that. I’d take a Championship job as well lads I’ll tell you that much. I hope someone comes through for me. One final dance. I did get 5th and EL while young Eddie had to settle for 7th and the conference. dinner time for me lads. Probably have what everyone else is having. See ya later.

Any jobs available lads?

They should’ve hired the King instead of Rooney. I’d have them competing for the playoffs. See ya later lads.

Some good players come through from that area absolutely yes.

Why are you calling him “Nile Ranger”? Is the lad a criminal?

De Zerbi overrated Italian prat.