Michael Owen (now retired)

[1964]

Does Pards dance, that could be a deal breaker

[LV]

Would you rather be stuck in a cabin with Owen, no power, no internet and the game monopoly, or stuck in an elevator with Alan Pardew after a big night at the casino.

 

edit: You may not murder either one of them, and you cannot kill yourself. You have to endure it.

 

edit edit: Michael Owen wants to tell you about his horses, and Alan has a bottle of water. Every time he sips it he smacks his lips and goes "Ahhh". No level of violence is allowed.

 

Also, Alan keeps calling you "mate".

 

How long until you are rescued from the elevator?

[Raconteur]

Gotta say the idea of destroying Owen at Monopoly and watching his weasely face screw up until he tips the board over has a certain appeal.

 

"Six! Ah, sorry Mickey, that's Mayfair again. Yep, still got a hotel on it"

[Guest chopey]

Still think his goal against Germany was a fluke

[Decky]

Sickens me that Man Utd took a punt on him and he ended up getting a PL medal. Fucking snake.

[jdckelly]

he was a very one dimensional player at his best with his pace, what I'd really like to know is did he try to adapt his game at all post injury because iirc it certainly didn't look like it and it was one of Shearers greatest achievements that he was able to adapt his game after age and injuries took their toll and keep himself as a very good striker almost to the end.

[Mike]

Would you rather be stuck in a cabin with Owen, no power, no internet and the game monopoly, or stuck in an elevator with Alan Pardew after a big night at the casino.

 

edit: You may not murder either one of them, and you cannot kill yourself. You have to endure it.

 

edit edit: Michael Owen wants to tell you about his horses, and Alan has a bottle of water. Every time he sips it he smacks his lips and goes "Ahhh". No level of violence is allowed.

 

Also, Alan keeps calling you "mate".

 

How long until you are rescued from the elevator?

 

They keep saying it'll take an hour, but you're going to be in there between 12-18 hours.

[Mike]

Gotta say the idea of destroying Owen at Monopoly and watching his weasely face screw up until he tips the board over has a certain appeal.

 

"Six! Ah, sorry Mickey, that's Mayfair again. Yep, still got a hotel on it"

 

[Mike]

Does Pards dance, that could be a deal breaker

 

The walls of the elevator are essentially mirrors, so he's dancing, checking his teeth and smiling and talking super loud on his phone. 12-18 hours.

 

You're stuck with Owen for five days.

[Mike]

Great question, tough one.

 

Once they heard my accent, Pardew would want to talk endlessly about how he done a good job at newcarsoo and I seriously couldn't be arsed with that, whereas Owen would probably s*** himself and avoid the topic entirely, so I'd go with Owen.

 

Buckled at "newcarsoo". Can fucking hear it.

[Interpolic]

5 days

 

Why?

[Disco]

Would you rather be stuck in a cabin with Owen, no power, no internet and the game monopoly, or stuck in an elevator with Alan Pardew after a big night at the casino.

 

edit: You may not murder either one of them, and you cannot kill yourself. You have to endure it.

 

edit edit: Michael Owen wants to tell you about his horses, and Alan has a bottle of water. Every time he sips it he smacks his lips and goes "Ahhh". No level of violence is allowed.

 

Also, Alan keeps calling you "mate".

 

And today we learned Tommy interned at Guantanamo.

[Mike]

5 days

 

Why?

 

Five days is the limit of sanity, imo.

 

Sat there on day two looking at photos of his horses. He probably gives them pure human names as well the boring twat. "This is Sheryl. She loves sugar cubes but we don't give her any because candy is for babies."

[LV]

Would you rather be stuck in a cabin with Owen, no power, no internet and the game monopoly, or stuck in an elevator with Alan Pardew after a big night at the casino.

 

edit: You may not murder either one of them, and you cannot kill yourself. You have to endure it.

 

edit edit: Michael Owen wants to tell you about his horses, and Alan has a bottle of water. Every time he sips it he smacks his lips and goes "Ahhh". No level of violence is allowed.

 

Also, Alan keeps calling you "mate".

 

How long until you are rescued from the elevator?

 

They keep saying it'll take an hour, but you're going to be in there between 12-18 hours.

 

Deal breaker. I just couldn’t.

 

Owen in a cabin for me. At least I could walk out the door and scream.

[Mike]

Would you rather be stuck in a cabin with Owen, no power, no internet and the game monopoly, or stuck in an elevator with Alan Pardew after a big night at the casino.

 

edit: You may not murder either one of them, and you cannot kill yourself. You have to endure it.

 

edit edit: Michael Owen wants to tell you about his horses, and Alan has a bottle of water. Every time he sips it he smacks his lips and goes "Ahhh". No level of violence is allowed.

 

Also, Alan keeps calling you "mate".

 

How long until you are rescued from the elevator?

 

They keep saying it'll take an hour, but you're going to be in there between 12-18 hours.

 

Deal breaker. I just couldn’t.

 

Owen in a cabin for me. At least I could walk out the door and scream.

 

Snowed in. No way out.

[LV]

Would you rather be stuck in a cabin with Owen, no power, no internet and the game monopoly, or stuck in an elevator with Alan Pardew after a big night at the casino.

 

edit: You may not murder either one of them, and you cannot kill yourself. You have to endure it.

 

edit edit: Michael Owen wants to tell you about his horses, and Alan has a bottle of water. Every time he sips it he smacks his lips and goes "Ahhh". No level of violence is allowed.

 

Also, Alan keeps calling you "mate".

 

How long until you are rescued from the elevator?

 

They keep saying it'll take an hour, but you're going to be in there between 12-18 hours.

 

Deal breaker. I just couldn’t.

 

Owen in a cabin for me. At least I could walk out the door and scream.

 

Snowed in. No way out.

 

Oh come on!

 

There is no way two people walk out of either scenario

[triggs]

5 days with Michael Owen ffs

[Superior Acuña]

Somehow this is easy for me: Pards. I hate Michael Owen substantially more.

[Happinesstan]

Definitely Pards I have a feeling that he would give me some money or buy some prostitutes when we got out.

 

He'd be calling prostitutes to come in. It wouldn't occur to him that the methods used to get them in, are the same methods necessary to get you out.

[Guest Howaythetoon]

Michael Owen 18-26 was simply an amazingly talented player who was devastating running with the ball at his feet, running onto balls threaded through to him and finishing off moves clinically.

 

When we signed him, he wasn’t that same devastating player he was when he first broke onto the scene of course and his-all-round finishing technique was never as fully developed in terms of power, range and the parts of his feet he would use to strike to get his shots off as others like Shearer for example.

 

But he was genuinely top-class and an equally classy finisher. As a footballer he was actually underrated I thought and under KK showed he could play and adapt his game away from what his game was all about during the first few years of his career.

 

He always possessed a clean first touch and the sharpness of mind to quickly look up and shift the ball on or carry it on himself. He was very neat and tidy and economical with the ball.

 

Prime Owen today would get as many goals as he did back then easily and in a Man City or Liverpool side of today, even more. He would have had no problem playing in either of those teams today as he wasn’t a lazy, tactically ignorant, one dimensional player as again, he proved under KK here.

 

Owen in his prime tearing it up domestically and internationally and Owen playing as an advanced attacking deep lying forward midfielder under KK towards the end of his career would more than hold his own today. He was just as effective as a lone man for Liverpool and England as he was alongside a centre-forward.

 

He was also deceptively good in the air.

 

Considering his many injuries and his early blasé mentality over the levels of commitment needed to push himself more,  he had the potential to be world-class and if not for those injuries and mental self doubts, he’d have gone pretty close.

 

Walcott was mentioned I saw, sorry, but Owen was on another level even when he was playing for Newcastle to him.

[Guest]

Aye, if circumstances had been right under Keegan I think he’d have stayed and been happy to. The role we’d created for him just behind Viduka & Martins was working. He was still scoring at 1 in 2-3 first half of that relegation season, he just downed tools once his contract was running down and knew he had no intention of staying here.

[JCONA]

Michael Owen is a colossal prick. End of thread.

 

Lock it, pls. 

 

also horse nonce

[bhoywhonder]

Michael Owen is a colossal prick. End of thread.

 

Lock it, pls. 

 

also horse nonce

 

 

(noun) + 'nonce' has become my go-to insult, it works in so many situations!

 

He is tho. Also a money nonce.

[Happinesstan]

Michael Owen is a colossal prick. End of thread.

 

Lock it, pls. 

 

also horse nonce

 

They groom horses, don't they?

[Deuce]

5 days

 

Why?

 

Five days is the limit of sanity, imo.

 

Sat there on day two looking at photos of his horses. He probably gives them pure human names as well the boring twat. "This is Sheryl. She loves sugar cubes but we don't give her any because candy is for babies."