Guest guinness_fiend Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 http://www.thespoiler.co.uk/index.php/2010/03/12/alan-shearers-unhappy-sounding-childhood-revealed#more-11487 Next time you’re watching Alan Shearer on MOTD, take a moment to close your eyes. Keep them closed. Listen to his voice, hear his deep, lilting, almost expressionless words as he explains that scoring goals is what wins football matches. Or how getting a red card can have a negative impact on a match. Really concentrate on how he sounds, then try to picture in your mind’s eye “the real Alan Shearer” - not the man on the sofa in the shiny slacks, but the man who is sometimes alone, emotionally raw, stripped down, both metaphorically, and actually. Who is Alan Shearer? That’s what everyone wants to know. And thanks to today’s Guardian, great strides have been made to determine the man behind the pundit. What was his childhood like? Does he like his veg? Did cartoons ever make him happy? You can find out all of this and more, in a wonderful extract from the interview Who’s your favourite TV detective? I don’t watch a lot of TV, to be honest. With three kids I have my hands full. What about when you were a youngster? What was your favourite cartoon? [Nonplussed] Cartoons!? Cartoons. I didn’t watch cartoons, I was too busy playing football. Apart from a football, did you have a favourite toy when you were a child? [triumphantly] Yes, a goalpost. Apart from football paraphernalia, did you have a favourite toy when you were a child? No, like I told you I was too busy playing football. Now that you have retired, can you catch up on playing with the toys that you didn’t play with when you were a youngster? Have you, for instance, discovered the joys of action men or maybe Lego? [With mounting anger] No, I don’t play with toys. And I’m not into the PSPs or anything like that. Whenever I have any spare time I have a game of golf. Assuming you have time to eat, what is your favourite vegetable? Goodness me. What type of questions are these? [Exasperated] I should say peas, should I? There’s no right or wrong answer, Alan, that’s the beauty of it. OK, peas. Not Brussel sprouts? [Annoyed] Peas. Just a big bowl of peas? [Palpably hoping chat will conclude very soon] With a bit of mash, sausage and gravy. What about fruit? An apple. That’s quite emphatic. You wouldn’t have any time for an orange or a banana? [Firmly] You asked for my favourite fruit, I said an apple. That is accurate. By the way, what superpowers would you like to have? [impatiently] What do you mean? The ability to fly? X-ray vision? Elbows of pure iron? I’d probably be invisible, so I could go and listen to some of Fergie’s team talks. What’s the silliest thing you’ve ever done when drunk? I don’t get drunk. What’s the weirdest thing a fan has ever asked you? To sign her chest. Was there an Alan Shearer tattoo on it? No, because I never saw, because I refused to sign it. So there might have been? I don’t know. We can’t rule it out, Alan. Now, on an unrelated matter, have you ever seen a ghost? No. Do you believe in the existence of ghosts? No. Do you believe in life beyond earth? [impatiently] I don’t know what I believe in. I try not to think about it. I don’t want to think about it. Alan, can you tell us a joke? Yeah, your questions. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gggg Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Alan, can you tell us a joke? Yeah, your questions. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heron Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 WTF... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guinness_fiend Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 What’s the weirdest thing a fan has ever asked you? To sign her chest. Was there an Alan Shearer tattoo on it? No, because I never saw, because I refused to sign it. So there might have been? I don’t know. Man up, Al! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foluwashola Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Al got his knickers in a twist Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superior Acuña Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Doesn't come across well He was trending on twitter before because of it. I think everyone who's seen him train, or the france 98 thing or whatever knows he does have a sense of humour. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaizero Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Alan, can you tell us a joke? Yeah, your questions. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ketsbaia Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 started to get very funny towards the end. one more question and he would've snapped..... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cronky Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 He does have a sense of humour, but I suspect not that kind (ie a sense of the surreal) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
spizz energi Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 "Peas with a bit of mash, sausage and gravy." Just another reason why I fucking love him. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Optimistic Nut Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Fake surely? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
ToonTastic Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 It's from the spoiler of course it is lol Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadrack Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 It's not fake, it's from the Guardian's Small Talk thingy. http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2010/mar/12/alan-shearer-small-talk-interview Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LiquidAK Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 ...the fuck? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest scum Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 WTF... You're probably too young to remember shearer. He was a newcastle legend. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
M4 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 He does have a sense of humour, but I suspect not that kind (ie a sense of the surreal) Funny cycle, his answers make it even more surreal! Maybe it's one big level. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishmael Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 "Elbows of pure iron?" is fantastic but the rest of the 'interview' is a waste of paper/internets/time... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishmael Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Out of curiosity and please do not go back to the article and check. Can anybody who read the original article (Small Talk, Guardian Online) remember who Alan Shearer was representing? I.e. what company/organisation/club has he done the interview for? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmonkey Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Cubico Ltd. Or something. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Castrol Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ishmael Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 It seems that regardless of how badly Alan came across through the interview it actually succeed in it's purpose, heh. I hope you two didn't cheat Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heron Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 WTF... You're probably too young to remember shearer. He was a newcastle legend. :lol: No, it just didn't seem real. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRon Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 The best times we ever had as a club were before Shearer arrived. The next best were under SBR who supposedly tried to flog him because of his pervasive influence. We ended up hiring Souness and flogging Bellamy instead. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
midds Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 The best times we ever had as a club were before Shearer arrived. The next best were under SBR who supposedly tried to flog him because of his pervasive influence. We ended up hiring Souness and flogging Bellamy instead. Pernicious. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Village Idiot Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I think Shearer was a great asset in increasing your profile as a club overseas though. I remember Keegan's Newcastle, of course, but the moment where the Premier League started taking off in Spain Shearer was your #9, and he seemed to score every fucking week. He really put NUFC on the map for a lot of casual football fans. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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