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I hope someone pushes him, then another bloke comes along and headbutts him, then one of the people he works with comes along and shags his wife. Afterwards whilst he's out consoling himself by having a meal, I hope someone comes along and swaps it with their own meal.

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I hope he runs down the escalators for his Metro, gets held up by two pensioners yapping, misses it, then sees his next one isn't due for another 14 minutes.

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