Andy

Ray Ting's Player Analysis - sponsored by CILIT BANG: Harper - 7 - He stood there and he SAVED SHOTS, a true patriot in the net. N'Zogbia - 7 - A typical FRENCH performance from the little bloke at left back. Taylor - 7 - Like a gigantic FORTRESS of mass-destruction, this was a pathetically OBSCENE display of arrogance Cacapa - 8 - So BRAZILIANT that he doesn't even move. Just stands there and MOCKS his foe. Rozenhal - 8 - As idiotically SOLID as a defensively-competent ox. Milner - 7 - He is UGLY, but his ball-skillz are not. Crossing is BANG OUT OF ORDER. Smith - 5 - Dark hair is affecting his footballing talent, BLEACH NEEDED ASAP. Butt - 8 - Tireless and steely, fierce and GINGER. What more can I say? Geremi - 7 - His head gets SHINIER by the week, a true captain's HAIRCUT. Owen - 6 - As LETHAL as Jack Bauer and as DEADLY as Jack the Ripper. Viduka - 35 - That's not his rating, it's his BMI. THE OTHERS: Martins - 7 - FASTER THAN THE BALL Pattison - N/A - FATTER THAN THE BALL Ameobi - 6 - FALLS OVER THE BALL BANG AND THE DIRT IS GONE™

If we could lure him here, Kaka would probably do the job. I don't see any reason why we couldn't get him either. If we sign him and Henry for £5,000,000 each we're laughing. Then if we can strengthen the squad some more with those kids from the half-time shootout yesterday we'll be winning the league in no time. It's all part of the 5 year plan. One of my mates has a dog that knows a cat that knows a mouse who works in the offices, he said Chris Mort told him whilst he and Big Sam were snorting Daz washing up powder and drinking Cilit Bang on Friday night. True story.

True enough, but there was still a few occasions where we were going around in circles in the midfield and I felt that a more creative player could have opened up an opportunity a hell of a lot quicker. Smith and Butt don't see the pass, more often than not, and whilst Geremi sometimes does, he's often a little slow to deliver it. Again, it might come in time once the new players start to gel, but it's definitely an issue at the moment.

Defence were excellent today, but as everyone is aware, we still lack that killer pass in midfield. It may come in time, once the players start to get more familiar; but at the moment it looks like it could prove problematic in this kind of match. Other than that I was impressed. Our tempo was fine, and our passing in general was a lot smoother than it has been. And, of course, defensively we look as good as we have in a long, long time. We're going to be a very difficult team to beat this season, and as long as we can continue to nick goals like we did today we'll do well. I'm pretty optimistic at the moment.

Anybody want to buy us a new server in the next 10 minutes?

That is probably the funniest sentence I have ever read in my entire life.

Very, very good signing, if it goes through. Delighted with this one.

Who do you think pays footballers' wages btw? Ahem, don't you know what ticket revenue and Sky money, which a few fans buy and therefore pay for, goes towards? so you paid 0.04% of his wage, then it's ok to be delighted he broke his leg? Look, I doubt most of us are laughing at the fact that he broke his leg and is no doubt in quite a lot of pain - that's not exactly hilarious. We're laughing at the fact that West Ham got screwed over completely and we got £6 million for nowt. It's similar to Woodgate breaking down for Madrid. I felt terrible for the lad (much more so than Dyer, I must admit) but the situation still rose a smile because of its "we knew it was coming, and so did the rest of the country - shame you guys didn't when you handed over the money" value.

Feel free. Or just shut the fuck up. One of the two.

Dear New Jersey United, Thank you for the money. Holland is nice. Your friend, Albert

anyone else want to call ramage? he does actually play for us so pretend to like him Yeah, you're right. I love Peter Ramage. He's just a great guy. I also think he is a very good player and a GREAT defender, and I can see him representing his country at all levels. Thus he should be immune from criticism. Now let's all light a fucking fire, join hands and sing songs, and tell tales of times past. Christ all fucking mighty. Give me strength.

Scores of the participants. Powered by Babelfish™: Harper - 6 - Much not could have been done for the objectives Carr - 5 - Bald and WOUNDED, his head was gleaming for sure Taylor - 6 - Acted as an IDIOT for the first aim, but was differently GENTLE throughout Rozehnal - 7 - As SOLID as bacon N'Zogbia - 8 - His hair was as beautiful as his OBJECTIVE strike Butt - 6 - His colour of HAIR did not much influence his performances Geremi - 5 - Pathetic MUNDANE in the centre Smith - 5 - He was very ATTRACTIVE, but not a midfielder Martins - 6 - In Italy, she says it is FASTER than the mail box? Milner - 6 - He DID NOT play of product Viduka - 6 - The fat man noted a GOOD AIM, but quiet was he Cacapa - 8 - HARD AS THE NAILS Ramage - 4 - SHIT Owen - 4 - UNAIMFUL

The fact that so many people STILL fail to follow such an incredibly simple rule makes me feel far more intelligent than I probably am.

Yet more evidence that Fulham are just indescribably dull. They've been in the league for years now, but most people still don't acknowledge the fact that they exist

He's not that bad. Better than Fletcher, at least. He's a decent passer of the pall; pretty efficient - similar attributes to someone like David Albelda, perhaps. Gets stuck in as well. Though he does get a lot of bookings. And his shooting is pretty wayward at times. But he's not a bad footballer. We don't need him, of course, but that's a different matter.

Yeah, I can't be arsed to do this. Basically anybody apart from the teams who are just "there" for the sake of it - Fulham, Blackburn etc. I mean, is there any actual point in Fulham? They're just like the fat little kid with social-phobia who sits silently in class drawing on his pencil case and doesn't really do anything else at all. Ever.

Well that's just not true at all... But granted, Luque was a good player in La Liga, and hell, I was as excited as anyone when we signed him - but the fact is that, for a variety of different reasons, he couldn't cut it in the premiership; or at least if he could cut he never showed it. Faye has proven at Bolton that he can cut it, and that's the difference between the two.

Is that at the irony? what irony ? Says the person who thinks 15th is successful in the 1970's and qualifying regularly for europe is failure in the current decade The person who thinks 15th is successful in the 1970s and qualifying regularly for europe is failure in the current decade says "what irony?" That's almost written in the fourth person, depending on interpretation. Impressive. I don't believe I have ever said I was anything but undewhelmed by our league positions and lack of ambition in the 1970's, apart from one season when we were 5th - the only top 6 position between the 1950's and 1994 - and a season and a half when Gordon Lee was manager. You just have. In the previous post. You said that the person who thinks 15th is successful in the 1970s and qualifying regularly for europe is failure in the current decade (which could only be referring to yourself, based on the next part) says; "what irony?" Yes, I probably do know already but wouldn't admit it. Even though I have literally no idea what you're talking about. Nice use of tense though.

Is that at the irony? what irony ? Says the person who thinks 15th is successful in the 1970's and qualifying regularly for europe is failure in the current decade The person who thinks 15th is successful in the 1970s and qualifying regularly for europe is failure in the current decade says "what irony?" That's almost written in the fourth person, depending on interpretation. Impressive.

NO NO NO NO NO Johnson is one of the few fullbacks in the league who astonishingly manages to fail to meet even our criteria for that position. I agree with Wullie; signing him would be unbelievably stupid.

Yeah, don't forget the £3,000,000 p/year wages that he earns by default for being a greedy good-for-nothing foreign mercenary.

I have to agree with the OP. I just can't believe we haven't won a cup yet this season after I paid FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS for a season ticket. Frankly I'm enraged and/or irate. This whole season has basically just descended into an absolute shambles -- a mess of the highest order. The fact that we've only managed three goals and one clean sheet for all the summer spending is a disgrace. And don't even get me started on the fact that sunderland have the same points tally as us. I'm fuming. Literally seething. I just can't control my emotions any longer. I'm FINISHED with this club and I'm FINISHED with this sport. *storms out of thread*

As for the Fletcher story... No thanks. I think I reflect the general consensus when I say that we have enough of his type of player and we simply don't need him. Thankfully I'm fairly confident that Big Sam would agree. Hopefully... Really can't see there being any life in this one either way. Same for Luccin. I rate him slightly higher than Fletcher, but he's not what we need either.

to and and going myself when . PS. You're talking a complete and utter, absolutely unparalleled, heap of exceptionally gigantic horse bollocks. Well done.

That's what it looks like... But it's really a lethal robot that transforms into a MiG fighter jet via a plethora of utterly unnecessary animations that add little or nothing to the viewing experience whatsoever. Okay, I'll stop now.