Raconteur

From Lee Ryder, but by Keith Bishop...

He’s not absolutely shit, we saw it last year. He’s playing absolutely shit, no doubt, but he’s a good player in poor form, not a poor player.

Even more likeable now. I just quoted to say “Ian Wright said something similar on the True Geordie podcast”, and then realised that’s probably who you meant

i have exactly the same sense of near-certainty that we will secure a result as I did before we played West Ham in December.

My problem with this theory is that it expects Ashley to crack open his wallet in a way he has done once in twenty-plus windows. I can’t see another McClaren window - Ashley is stupid enough to think another manager could do the job Rafa is doing with the same squad. When it becomes evident no one else can do Rafa’s job (i.e. bottom in January) then spending might occur. Also, I don’t think Ashley could attract Dyche.

You’re wondering why anyone would leave NUFC at this point in time?

That’s it for me, although Lascelles/Fernandez is a tricky one.

Almiron will be replacing the fast, left-footed Atsu - he’s bringing similar traits to the position, just hopefully a lot better at everything

There's a bunch of players around the same age who have been at the club for a long time but never really broke through. Sterry, Roberts, Barlasar, Longstaff (who is just now getting a game). Can't see many of them sticking around...

Tough on Atsu, but it has to be Ayoze-Almiron-Rondon

Looks like those scores were written before the match, anticipating a loss - and he simply bumped them up a point after the result. Perez and Longstaff 5

That's probably the worst description of Andy Carroll i've ever seen. He's better in the air than Mitro, miles better on the deck and technically superior in pretty much every way. And to call him indisciplined when you're comparing him to Mitrovic is laughable. Yes his injury record is awful but on his day he's still probably the best attacking header of a ball in european and possibly world football. For £2m i'd take him back in a heartbeat. That is an astonishing statement. How many "days" has he had in the last eight years?

Ashley's rubbing his hands together as a possible escape route cracks open.

Maybe Rafa really was going to walk on Feb 1 and he’s trying to forestall that? He certainly fits the profile of a young player who can be on-sold, just that he’s a larger outlay than he’s ever made. Maybe he’s prepared to push the boat out this one time in the hope it will be enough to convince Rafa to stay. It won’t be.

Not that I'm advocating Carroll, but there's the possibility that Wet Spam would cancel his contract (which is expiring in the summer) and allow us to sign him for free. Ashley would be in full Randy Marsh splooge mode if it happened.

The video of Wor Al when Ritchie was taking the pen today is amazing. "Pressure's for tyres", and when it went in

Nah, he should have played Rondon against Watford

Imagine so, is he remotely quick? Couldn’t fathom the team getting slower. From what I've read, pace is his standout attribute, that and a "sweet left peg"

The soft thing is amusing because he's clearly fighting for every ball. He's also a good one for getting frustrated with getting nothing from the ref and kicks the shit out of people. Sure, he should have got a second yellow, but he knew he was safe after de Bruyne got away with a second-yellow-worthy challenge seconds earlier.

Was very impressed with him tonight. Perhaps he’s invisible, and that’s why he got clobbered for the pen

That’s the whole reason I offered him the bet in the first place - to shut him up. Seems to have triggered an entirely different response If almiron signs it can't be looking good for you!? Took me by surprise, but I’m still confident

We need someone who can play wingback in a five who is better than Ritchie, Dummett, Lazaar, Kenedy etc. Never heard of him, even on FM. Definition of “meh”.

That’s the whole reason I offered him the bet in the first place - to shut him up. Seems to have triggered an entirely different response

If Rafa is in the dugout here in August I win If he isn't Raconteur[/member] wins. No external factors to it as far as I am concerned I suppose what I said was that Rafa will not sign a new contract. Therefore, I am obliged to accept that I did not include a change of ownership. Either way, it's still on. Ashley's not going anywhere before August 1, so I am happy to accept those terms

Lol fuck off. L’Equipe need to lay off the hard stuff