Ronaldo

I can think of one reason, like.

It's becoming really tiresome now, Kaka.

Don't you live in a forest somewhere in Canada, DJ?

I cleared this up nearly a day ago ffs.

Someone needs to sit down and talk to you, man.

Play alright here and we'll charter you a helicopter to Arsenal in 18 months.

No way we'd have paid £11m for a player who turns 29 this season.

He's right, though. Payet's looked smashing for West Ham since pre-season.

Woff.

It was Nolan and Smith in the middle that day. And yes, they were absolutely fucking shit. We drew 1-1.

He has to get onto the bench, first. No idea what's going with him and McShteve. McShteve had him on the bench in the fucking Dutch league during his prime. That tells you how shit he (rightly) thinks he is. Yet his alternative defensive midfield duo Anita and Colback have managed to turn us into a midfield shambles which can't defend or attack. I would agree with Unbelievable if there wasn't talk Tiote wants away, unless he gets his attitude sorted out, he won't be getting anywhere near the first team. Well, yeah, that strengthens my point about McClaren's perception of Tiote, doesn't it. It's really time to change your username to TRigger.

He has to get onto the bench, first. No idea what's going with him and McShteve. McShteve had him on the bench in the fucking Dutch league during his prime. That tells you how shit he (rightly) thinks he is.

We didn't get rid because nobody wants a midfielder who's shit going forward and too thick to protect a defence.

Again, it's what happens when you target players based on contractual vulnerability and profit potential as opposed to suitability for the league, team, and style of play.

Just genius.

Genius.

There's no need to cry, like. And I cry at a great many a thing. What makes you cry, Yorkie? Injustice. You ever need a word I'm here, man.

Mind, this Geordie immunity he has won't last too much longer. Steven Taylor's lasted about 5 years but he was younger/better.

There's no need to cry, like. And I cry at a great many a thing. What makes you cry, Yorkie?

I'd love to know who scouted Anita and thought we should fork out nearly £7m for him by the way. Lunacy.

I don't even want to name my defence, because it's just shit whoever you pick. Thauvin Sissoko Wijnaldum Perez de Jong Cisse Something like that.

He's the definition of average and incapable of making things happen. Better than Colback but not by much.

Plenty of slow players have been brilliant in the PL. Siem has to start every game for us. Far better than the alternatives.

You know he's had a bad game when Ron slags him. Well I won't ever defend a player than doesn't give his all. He can rot in hell if that's going to be his regular effort level.

I do love it when people judge Premier League players on what they've done in daft countries like France and Holland. Strange comment. Didn't you love Robert? He was from a "daft" country - using that logic we wouldn't have signed him. I still do love Laurent more than any other NUFC player in history. Absolutely made for the PL, mind.