Ronaldo

Dreadful.

Could being the key word. If he's been promised some spending money by Watford and he does an acceptable to good job, which he will imo, he's in a bit of a no lose situation.

It starts it 101 minutes.

Pardew would be fighting a losing battle there from the start. He would have had to be insane beyond tablets to seriously consider that job.

Not one bit weird, like. How does he further his career going back to Portugal? Probably offered three times the salary, too.

Does it really matter when he scored 23 league goals in the games he did play? Easily our best and most important player last season.

At the same time? Wouldn't he be dead?

We've had about 7 or 8 in my lifetime I've hated Pardew and Souness more, for example, but annoyance is a different category. I'd say he was more annoying than McClaren for example. He's an tedious twat at best. Remember him saying he never would sell Malbranque to a club like Newcastle and 'that lot up there', much to the amusement of whichever PFMs were in the studio with him.

That's what decent Championship defenders go for now? Puts into perspective how much we'll need to spend.

Completely deserved.

Except that never happened. I know he's a crap footballer but to imply he's been a persistent weakness defensively in his couple of seasons as a nailed-on starter is wide of the mark. Good on him, anyway. Coleman's always hated us as a club and a place. Wouldn't be one bit surprised if Dummett being overlooked was an extension of that, petty little twat that he is.

Holding the ball up? Yes. I realise because he's shorter than 6' I must be wrong, like. At leading the line he's quality. That side of his game doesn't get enough credit, probably due to the fact he scores every 93 minutes or whatever.

Gayle'a very good at that, to be fair.

We absolutely won't do better than Townsend.

From his debut against Villa it was clear he couldn't and/or wouldn't take players on. Bit of a fucking glaring weakness for a player mostly identified with a wide attacking role. Awful excuse for a footballer, especially since his pace went.

A mate of Allardyce from Bromley Cross fixed my wifi last month. Told me his wife said it was either her or football over the Xmas period. Banned him from talking about it in the house, too. Looks like he chose his wife. Awww.

Keown ahead of Terry? OK.

Aye, that'll fit in seamlessly with the rest of Parish's appointments.

Thank God.

Rio Ferdinand was. Followed by Ledley King.

I agree with most of that, to be fair. The above average comment is a bit daft, though. I don't think he touches Rio in terms of ability, obviously, but it's worth pointing out that while Terry was leading Chelsea to every trophy imaginable and captaining England, Woodgate was in the Star & Garter in Middlesbrough trying to convince pension-aged locals to piss on themselves so him and his bottom of the barrel mates could grab a quick laugh. Winds me up whenever people bring Woodgate into conversations like this. If anything it affords credit to Terry for achieving a billion times more than a twat like Woodgate with less talent.

By who? You?

They did charge him, and found him guilty. The criminal case against him failed, though.

I think it happened once, in the Carling Cup.