Pilko

Sky boost looks canny for later - Harold 2 and Wilson 1 SOT 3/1 Harold header 12/1 365 boost Schar card and Miggy 2+ SOT 27/1 Will likely have a dabble on some cards after team news

I once was driving past Turf Moor on a rainy day and saw a gate open and stopped and walked in. Met the groundsman and had a long chat with him on the centre spot. The stadium deserted and the huge terracing looked awesome. He invited me for a cup’f tea and he was such a knowledgeable bloke. Not sure where to start with this. Probably shows just how thick the mackems can be that even when they're making up a yarn which involves "driving past Turf Moor" (as you do frequently when you're based in SR1) and deciding to park up when you see a gate open, you have a long chat with the groundsman on the centre spot ON A RAINY DAY . Only a Mackem would stand in the centre spot in the rain when there's an entire fucking stadium full of shelter in a fictional story where a groundsman allows a stranger to wander into his stadium and makes him a cup of tea. The "huge terracing looked awesome" (barely holds 22,000 - the mackems might actually full it) but at no point does our hero think to stand in the dry terraced area. Hopefully Mr Groundsman at Burnley will have learned to lock his fictional gate next time.

Fred is so so shite. Playing stupid blind flicks when there's an easy ball on.

It'll be described as "absorbing" which along with "chess match" and "tactical battle" are bywords for the plethora of boring games against the so called top teams.

This is so so boring.

Took Kovacic card and Man U win at 18/1.

All that cash Chelsea have spent and they look absolutely dump.

Man U allergic to shooting? So many good openings and they've gone for a weird pass that's not at all on.

Antony and Sterling 2+ SOT 18/1 Dalot and RLC cards 28/1 Aubameyang and Rashford to both score from outside the box 1000/1

Needed one more fucking corner from Sunderland for £300 and they couldn't muster one in the 20 mins they were behind. Fucking cunts

Klopp moaning about having to play 3 games in a week the entire fucking league has this week you stupid prick.

Glorious result. Will never tire of seeing that bellend Klopp lose.

Got Worrall at 11/2 with Sky after he came on

Should be 2-0. Howay Forest

Hahahahahahahahahaha Get in Forest. Awoniyi deserves that goal

Cook single 5/1 Kouyate and C.Jones double 55/1 McKenna, Fabinho & Milner treb 125/1

Rotherham and Wycombe stand out prices for me tomorrow. Acca with them, Tranmere and QPR.

If I walked past someone kicking the fuck out of Oliver Holt in the street I'd stop and cheer them on. What a reprehensible fucking doylem the bloke is.

He's ahead of where Gerrard is IMO but it's a low, low fucking bar. You're right in that they look a muddled mess going forwards (much like Villa) but he's at least tightened them up somewhat, managed to get a tune out of Iwobi who looked like the biggest waste of time ever and made a few sensible signings in Coady, Tarkowski, Onana. For what it's worth I don't think Lampard will ever do anything with Everton other than keep them in that 10th-17th zone, he'll likely run out of road at some point. But I don't see him making such a huge arse of it as Gerrard has.

It'll be a great job for someone tbf, all they need to do is do the basics and not play three strikers on top of each other without any supply line and they'll shoot Villa up the table.

Having Ings, Watkins, Coutinho, Bailey, Watkins and even midfielders like Ramsey and barely being able to get a goal out of them is fucking hilarious. Even though I always liked Lampard as a player much more than I did Gerrard, I had them in the same managerial bracket. Fast-tracked cos of their careers and out of their depth. And yet, it does seem like Tory Frankie is gradually learning and starting to make some inroads, by making Everton a bit harder to beat and getting some home form. Gerrard has spent loads of cash and regressed Villa a fair bit which to me is a great shame as it makes his chances of succeeding Klopp and making an arse of the Liverpool job that bit less likely.

Tyrone Mings he's as shit as his haircut is.

Got an Arsenal, Fulham and Leeds treble on the go. Took A.Pereira 9/1 for 2 SOT and toyed with what to double with - went Bailey 1 SOT for 20/1 rather than Watkins 2 SOT for 25/1 - fucking idiot that I am. Bailey nailed on to get hooked and he's been pap.

Villa are crap, Fulham look canny, much better than when we played them.

Another really nice cameo I thought. I hope he can get some starts in the second half of the season.