The Prophet

8:00 Joe arrives at the address where Freddy arranged for him to meet Willy, a run-down office block. After waiting round for a couple of minutes Joe here’s a voice calling him. “Hey over here” calls a smooth Scottish accent. Joe intrigued trots over. “Looking for an elusive trophy signing I hear” says Willy half talking have laughing. “I can’t believe my luck but I’m just your man, now if you come up to my office we can discuss things.” Joe and Willy head for the office block. Back at base Dennis hears a knock at the door. “Who the fuck” he mumbles to himself. Annoyed he slowly opens the door peeping round to see who’s there. “Hey Dennis got any news?” asks an excited journalist. “Not now David” says Wise in a stern voice. “Nothing at all?” enquires a desperate David. “Give it a couple of hours Mike, Derek, Joe and Myself are all working our arses off at the moment, I’ll send you some sarnies and tea out courtesy of Mike.” “Thanks.” Grateful, David bounces back across the field. Wise leans against the closed door “They’re here already that’s all I fucking need” he whispers under his voice. He walks over to the desk picks up the phone and dials a number. “Is Mike on his way?” he asks. “Excellent news, you know what to do,” Dennis hangs up smug grin on his face. Back at the office Joe and Willy are analysing player profiles. “Is he Irish?” asks Kinnear. “Don’t you want to know if he’s any good?” Willy retorts. “Who’s this character? V-vee-l-lo-soo?” asks a tentative Joe. “Oh he’s a real top of the range trophy signing, sign him and the fans will be dancing in the streets” Willy replies. “Hmm sound risky, got any one who’s primed for a relegation scrap? Someone Irish maybe?” Willy laughs. “Ok Joe your office is my office we need the player that is right for you, here I’ll go get another file and a cupa” Through the back Willy makes a phone call to Dennis. “He’s a fucking moron” Willy hisses. “Just keep him distracted I’ll give you a text when you’re free and clear.” “Alright” replies Willy hanging up. Dennis hears a knock at the door it’s Jeff and Tony. “Good to see you” he says smiling at Tony. “What do you want us to with him?” asks Jeff. “Right I’ll take some snacks over to the press over, you bungle him into the back” Dennis tells them. The plan runs smoothly Dennis returns to the building. Inside is Mike tied up and gagged. Dennis lowers the gag. “What are you going to with me?” Mike squeals. “Nothing so long as you do as you’re told” Dennis tells him. He then turns to Tony. “You can leave now, I’ll give you a call should I need anything.” “Righto” says Tony who promptly leaves. Back at Willy’s Joe has found his man. “So apart from the false leg and gambling problem he’s decent?” he asks. “Yes, yes” says a smirking Willy, “fit for any kind of scrap.” Joe drives off pleased with himself. Willy rings Dennis “he left early.” “Man am I the only one with any kind of brains around here, make sure he doesn’t get back in time” demands Dennis. Willy hangs up, gets in his car, and drives after Joe.

Yes me friends with everyone at lectures, me currently up to date with work and with no TV, boredom has struck again. After a tired attempt at something similar at an earlier date I've yet more zany information about how events unfolded on deadline day, below is the first installment: The following takes place between 5:00 A.M and 8:00 A.M: 5:00 *Phone rings* A hand rises from the sheets thumbing for the phone. Knocking beers cans and cake wrappers from the sideboard Joe finally gets there. “We have a problem” states a calm, collected voice. “For f***s sake, I’ll be right there” Joe retorts. “Who was that?” mumbles a tired but clearly satisfied Damien. “Oh it was nothing” explains Joe. “Look I have a right to know, I don’t just do this for my place in the team” Damien tries to argue, but it’s too late Joe has already left the room. He hops in his car and drives away. 6:00 Joe arrives at the snow covered park. After hurriedly parking up he waddles across the thick white blanket until he reaches a large building towards the back of the park, he hurriedly pushes open the door. “What took you so long?” Asks a clearly disgruntled Dennis sat, feet up on the desk. “f***ing Traffic. What did you want?” “As I said we have a problem” says Wise rising to his feet. “What kind of problem?” asks an annoyed looking Joe. “It’s all gone a bit tits up” explains Dennis. “As you may not have known Derek and I have been doing some work in Brazil. Mike asked us to do so in case you couldn’t deliver the goods.” “What?” Bellows Joe. Dennis glares at him then continues: “As I was saying, Mike asked us to do some work in Brazil in case, you know, we are where we are now. We were due to fly back with a couple of players last night but it all went belly up.” Joe composes himself “And how the f*** did that happen?” he enquires. “Well the lads suggested going to the bar for a couple of quiet drink before the flight. Anyway we got talking and when we told them our destination they laughed in our faces, downed there drinks and left. We followed them but Derek had a nervous break down, I tried to talk sense into him but he wouldn’t have it.” “So what did you do?” asks Joe “Well I lost my temper.” “And?” Barks an increasingly annoyed Joe. "Well I ended up knocking seven shades of s*** of him” says Dennis, breaking into a nervous smile. “So where the f*** is Derek now?” “Well I took him to the local hospital and legged it. Look I brought you here because we need a plan C, Mike is on his way now and we need answers and a couple of fresh ideas. Ryan is due to drive over later but we need more” explains Dennis. “You’re a c***.” Joe Exclaims. “Mike is scared of you, you know it and I know it, you’re the brains of the outfit and you need my help, f*** you.” Joe tries to storm out of the room. “Stop” cries Dennis. “I know about you little secret, you know you and Damien, there can only be one reason he gets his place in the team, care to explain?” says a smug Wise. “f***.” “f*** indeed. Now your going to help me like it or not” says Dennis. Now Mike will be here in a couple of hours and he’ll bring with a media circus we need something by then.” Dennis tells an anxious looking Joe. “What do you want me to do?” “Not only do we need to appease Mike but we need to get the fans back on our side, we need a trophy signing. Now you going to see a bloke called Freddy, used to run this joint, he should be able to tell you everything you need about how to make a trophy signing, I’ll wait here for Mike don’t let me down, you know the consequences” says Dennis raising his tone. Joe storms away muttering to himself. 7:00 Joe arrives at the destination given to him by Dennis. Before him sits two towering gates protecting a huge mansion, a host of limited edition cars sit out on show, massive gardens are decorated by the falling snow. “Not bad” Joe witters to himself. He gets out of the car ringing the buzzer on a speaker connected to the brick towers on which the gates rest. “Who is it?” barks a voice. “It’s Joe, Dennis sent me, he said you could help us make a trophy signing.” The voice sniggers. “That time of the year again is it? I’m retired” “Look you f***ing c*** I drove all the way out here, I want answers” shouts Joe. The voice continues to snigger. “What the f*** do you take me for, an idiot? I left that sinking ship for a reason, I owe it nothing.” “What?” asks a baffled Joe. “I pumped money into that club, we got into Europe more times than any other team outside the top four, I mean where did it go wrong? I even appointed a manager who won four titles with two different clubs and three manager of the year awards, I tried everything. I owe it nothing.” “Come on give me something” begs Joe. “Ok, OK, if I ever wanted a trophy signing, I’d go a guy who goes by the name of Willy, let me get you his address.” Joe hops back into his car satisfied, he drives off to the new location given to him by Freddy. Back at base Dennis receives a phone call. “Joe just left” it says. “Excellent news, now he’s out of the way we can kick thing up a gear” explains a delight Dennis. “Look Dennis funds are really beginning to run short here this better come off.” Dennis laughs: “Don’t worry Freddy, I’ve got everything under control.” Things are hotting up on deadline day. Will Joe find the trophy signing to appease the fans? What are Wise and Freddy plotting? Find out in the following hours of 12.

We could be playing Blyth and I'd be happy if the top scorer was out. Oh dear. No no I don't mean like, that's how bad we are. I mean it strengthens our chance of winning. Any advantage is good in my books. I knew what you meant but fit and fighting we shouldn't be thinking to ourselves "s*** Simpson is playing" when he's an average player that shouldn't be worrying us. Similarly we shouldn't be worried by any player from Blyth hence it wouldn't normally bother me if he's injured or not. We should be more worried about our own game. However at this current time we need as much luck as we can get and unfortunately players like Simpson are able to do damage when playing well. It's been a few years since we've been able to be complacent about average goalscorer's from bottom sides. In fact, the likes of Cameron Jerome/Danny Weber/Marlon King have had an uncanny knack for f***ing us up. Yep, as I say worrying.

We could be playing Blyth and I'd be happy if the top scorer was out. Oh dear. No no I don't mean like, that's how bad we are. I mean it strengthens our chance of winning. Any advantage is good in my books. I knew what you meant but fit and fighting we shouldn't be thinking to ourselves "Shit Simpson is playing" when he's an average player that shouldn't be worrying us. Similarly we shouldn't be worried by any player from Blyth hence it wouldn't normally bother me if he's injured or not. We should be more worried about our own game. However at this current time we need as much luck as we can get and unfortunately players like Simpson are able to do damage when playing well.

We could be playing Blyth and I'd be happy if the top scorer was out. Oh dear.

Worrying sign of the times when we celebrate when players like Simpson playing for teams like West Brom are thought to be injured.

no, im alergic to Honey,..nearly f-king killed me. Seriously? To be fair you aren't missing out.

Ah cp40 going to the Keegan's past achievements argument. Like a bear to honey.

A bit of daft tonight: Wolves to beat Norwich MK Dons to beat Stockport Palace and Birmingham to draw QPR and Swansea to draw Millwall and Colchester to draw 124/1

Will you stand on the stage and tell them that? Na I'd rather stick to sitting at the back like a bitch making snidey comments.

Actually it's because we didn't sign the M'Bias or the Velosos that we are going to need Butt. That is the reason everyone is pissed off. Aye because the pair of them would willingly move away from their European challanging clubs to a Premier Leage club fighting relegation. Yeah we need a replacement but it's going to be no where near the quality of those two. These are players that Joe himself said we were after, in fact he was publicly debating whether to spend £10million on M'Bia after for some reason bidding £4million. There's a huge gulf between 34yr old Nicky Butt and those two. I'm pretty sure that we could come up with an alternative to Butt for the right money if we were really interested in doing it rather than chasing pie in the sky targets like Veloso or Kieron Richardson. Agreed but you did specifically name them in your post, now I'm being a pedant.

Was someone in for him like? You big pedant, I meant the end of next season. Come on read between the lines. I don't get your point though. Nobody wanted Butt to leave yesterday (well, unless we had brought in two replacements) did they? Nobody was in for him, so I don't know what you mean. It's the contract beyond the end of this season most people with a brain are disappointed with. I do realise my opening point is quite badly worded and generally confusing now I've re-read it, I didn't get my point across. We need desperately need a replacement in the summer, in fact two would be cracking but supposing that doesn't happen. Or say we only sign one but he gets crocked. Not only would it be a massive cross in the column for who ever is now recruiting players but more importantly it would leave us up shit creak without a paddle. For now he should serve as a back up. People rightly whinge about him staying on and personally I'm not thrilled about it yesterday but today highlighted our lack of central midfielders, our need for more and also our hesitancy in the transfer market. It sounds we'll try to get a couple more in but supposing that doesn't happen? Get the replacements in first then kick Butt's arse as far away from this club as we can.

Actually it's because we didn't sign the M'Bias or the Velosos that we are going to need Butt. That is the reason everyone is pissed off. Aye because the pair of them would willingly move away from their European challanging clubs to a Premier Leage club fighting relegation. Yeah we need a replacement but it's going to be no where near the quality of those two.

I want to go purely for comedy value.

Was someone in for him like? You big pedant, I meant the end of next season. Come on read between the lines.

You've got to laugh. People were crying yesterday that we don't have enough bodies in the middle of the park yet they'd happily let go of Butt. Yes I know it's Nicky Butt and come the end of the season I'll be the first to offer Chauffeuring services around the country so long as he fucks off, but right now we need him simple as that.

--------------------------------Given----------------------------- Bosingwa-------Jagielka----------Hangeland---------Evra Young-----Lampard-----Geovanni-----Ireland-----Arteta ------------------------------Anelka-----------------------------

Is the window for loaning players still open?

And do what exactly? What can we possibly do apart from make the situation worse than it already is?

I think it's a bit unfair to call the last transfer window a failure in terms of the actual business we did. Selling Milner without a real replacement was a disappointment but all in all it was pretty good. The defence isn't perfect but looks 100% better, we brought in a winger, an attacking midfielder and a striker. Yes with hindsight for various reasons some haven't worked but the two notable disappointments are the two that haven't been given a chance for one reason or another. The consistent problem is we continue to sell so we're never addressing the issue of depth. I'm all for selling off the dead wood or even average first teamers for the right price and that's what we have done. Unfortunately in doing this we've left ourselves a bit short and this has been exposed horribly by the recent injury crisis. We had a chance to address this in this window and that's why it is particularly disappointing. So I'd say we have got what we wanted it's just we've left ourselves with no back up as such which in its self in an error but not one to constitute all of the Ashley regime's transfer windows a failure. Other manager's have expressed their dissatisfaction about the way things are done but I don't think that's because the transfers themselves it's more the fact they weren't getting the specific players they wanted. That's a mistake of appointing the wrong man for the job, not of bringing in the wrong players. A mistake as you correctly pointed out fits into the much bleaker wider perspective. Failure can only really be defined in context. On one occasion more success may be required than on another occasion for them both to be considered as being comparatively useful. It's for that reason that I consider this particular window to be particularly detrimental. As for last Summer, taken in isolation it wasn't singularly awful, but it was certainly disillusioning and like I say, windows can only really be taken in relation to their circumstances and its final week was the crescendo which brought us to where we are now. Incidentally, just to clarify where I think we are now, this is the first time in recent history that I can seriously envisage us going down. Certainties? Maybe not, but I didn't feel that the club would go down under Souness etc. - not because the managers would not take us down but because the club fundamentals were superior or even because I felt the bad manager would be ousted and 'new man syndrome' would carry us over the finishing line, in the way Roeder did. This last point relates very heavily to Ashley, both regarding transfer windows and generally - I am consistently amazed by the actions or lack of action taken by his administration. To visit your last point about managerial dissatisfaction, it doesn't solely relate to the players chosen - would that it were. Instead, at the fourth attempt, we have Kinnear complaining about the lack of activity coming from above and having to call meetings to get arses moving. Why haven't they learnt? Its why I've come to not take seriously ideas that 'all kinds of things are taking place behind the scenes' - there appears to be a consistent lack of urgency or appreciation of the position the club is in at any given point. Anyway, back to general management and one of the reasons we may go down. I don't have much time for Kinnear, and I understand you don't either. If it looks like we're in serious trouble with a few games to go, what do you see the Board doing to help our cause in any way? I'm not convinced they'll do the right thing at the right moment, I'm not convinced they'd get someone appropriate in afterwards and because of the state the club is widely perceived as being in, I'm not sure they could bring that appropriate person in if they wanted to. The last window put into context was a good window for transfers but a disastrous window for Newcastle United. For me that wasn't down to the players, it was down to the board trying to squeeze Keegan into a position when he was never right for that position for day one and as you say that spiralled and we are where we are now. It really depends what context your choosing to put it in. However rather than call this window an absolute disaster I'd call this window a missed opportunity. The threat of relegation becomes greater by the month this transfer period was an opportunity to relive that pressure and for one reason or another we didn't take it. For me that doesn't take us any closer to the sword but similarly it doesn't take us any further away. So rather than call it damaging or anything along those lines I'd stick with a disappointment, the signings we did make were handy, it was the lack of them that made it underwhelming. As for your point about the administrations lack of urgency I'd have to agree. As you say we have to do the right thing at the right time and I can't help but feel we've left it too far along the line to make any kind of major change without doing more harm than good. Our position is perilous now, but searching for a new manager post-transfer window and the third manager this season? It'll only get worse.

Ah the witch hunt is starting to gather momentum. Cracking how without full knowledge of what's going on people point the finger regardless. We can't praise the recruitment team because they didn't do their job but at the same time I'd like to know why before I start blaming them.

... the place would of been as equally kneee-jerk with overly positive views about how the transfer market went.

Sure your not talking from personal experience, a strange justification to make indeed. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Bx7X4cgh3qI Seen it, quality.

Sure your not talking from personal experience, a strange justification to make indeed.

Indeed, we can only go on the tangibles - tangibles you are blind to. Shy of an unlikely surprise, they are bad - Ashley's organisation has, at best, failed to achieve necessary successes. At worst, they didn't attempt to achieve them. You seem to think we are operating in a sealed environment. We are not. Yesterday's result was us failing to win a relegation six-pointer at home. Those are the matches that must be won to stay up. Any assumption to the contrary takes it as true that we're as likely to draw against Man United, Liverpool (1-5) et al at home. In case you forgot through lack of interest, Sunderland won the converse fixture - a direct relegation rival of ours now holds a two point advantage over us. We don't have a lot to go off but a few sources corroborated we made an eleventh hour bid for Johnson. If this was indeed the case why was it so late? Were bids elsewhere rejected? Did talks break down? If so why did they break down? It isn't as simple as saying Ashley failed, we are only getting a key whole view of the full picture, until we know the reasons behind the lack of activity it's difficult to hold the recruitment team accountable. All that can be said is this is a disappointing transfer window due to a lack of personnel being recruited. Regarding your second point in an ideal world it is a game we needed to win. However you've got to take into account injuries, the fact it was a derby and Kinnear's general failings as a manger. The worrying thing is in the short term two of these things are unlikely to change. However in the long term we still have several opposition relegation rivals to play, should things pick up by then and given we pick up the off point from teams above us we should survive. A good transfer window would have helped in the short term but at the end of the day this squad is good enough to stay in the Premier League, we just need to drop this attitude of feeling sorry for ourselves. Do you think we simply possess extraordinarily bad fortune, then? Maybe Napoleon was right, then, preferring lucky Generals to good ones. This is as simple as saying Ashley failed. We can go over the reasons for why that failure took place, but it's definitely a failure. Why do these big bids keep going awry? Good question. We'll just have to go on what is demonstrated before us - Ashley's administration repeatedly fails to advance NUFC's fortunes and has us staring at the prospect of relegation. Re: bold, indeed - who's apparently offering him another 2 1/2 years in charge? You’re looking at a rather wide context when my point was a pretty narrow one to begin with. Yes Ashley has failed in some departments. His lack of footballing experience led to the events that unfolded earlier this season and his lack of due diligence on the club means he inherited a few nasty surprises when he bough it. That's to name just two of his errors I'm not praising or in fact defending where he's taken us as the club as a whole I was simply reflecting on the transfer market. In the context of this transfer market though did Ashley fail? We just don't know. He appointed a recruitment team who along with Kinnear only brought the three fresh faces in. Indeed this is disappointing but can we categorically point the finger at them or are there external factors to consider, maybe in this instance we were simply unlucky, until the picture becomes a bit clearer we just don't know. So yeah looking at the big picture it would certainly appear Ashley’s failings have had a major contribution in where we are now. He started a chain of events which led to the main contributing reason for our position today. But to then say "oh Ashley has consistently made mistakes, so this transfer window must be his fault" which essentially what your insinuating, is a completely illogical argument. I don't see how I'm taking your points that widely. What I'm saying is 'we've consistently failed to get what we need in transfer windows while under Ashley's administration' and I'm identifying that a factor present in each of those windows is Ashley's administration. There's more to it than that, of course, there's the fact that all three of his managers have expressed deep dissatisfaction with the way his administration conducts its behaviour during windows, for example. Seems logical, then, to hold suspicions. If we ARE going to look at the wider picture, then things look even worse. There's the fact he's gone through three managers in 18 months and the latest of them is Joe Kinnear. Wider circumstances thus make the results of our affairs with the transfer market even more important. This latest failure is all the more significant, therefore. I think it's a bit unfair to call the last transfer window a failure in terms of the actual business we did. Selling Milner without a real replacement was a disappointment but all in all it was pretty good. The defence isn't perfect but looks 100% better, we brought in a winger, an attacking midfielder and a striker. Yes with hindsight for various reasons some haven't worked but the two notable disappointments are the two that haven't been given a chance for one reason or another. The consistent problem is we continue to sell so we're never addressing the issue of depth. I'm all for selling off the dead wood or even average first teamers for the right price and that's what we have done. Unfortunately in doing this we've left ourselves a bit short and this has been exposed horribly by the recent injury crisis. We had a chance to address this in this window and that's why it is particularly disappointing. So I'd say we have got what we wanted it's just we've left ourselves with no back up as such which in its self in an error but not one to constitute all of the Ashley regime's transfer windows a failure. Other manager's have expressed their dissatisfaction about the way things are done but I don't think that's because the transfers themselves it's more the fact they weren't getting the specific players they wanted. That's a mistake of appointing the wrong man for the job, not of bringing in the wrong players. A mistake as you correctly pointed out fits into the much bleaker wider perspective.