Nucasol

Once you get it into your head that a muscle keeps ‘popping’ you do naturally hold back. Calf popped a few years back playing football and came back after four months out, physio et all, but every hint of tightness even cramp and you’re cakeing it that it’ll go again so ease off.

Dead, found like a modern day Hitler and Eva Braun alongside Tranquillo Barnetta in Jesmond Dene House, joint suicide after failing to sign for the lads.

Pants round ankles beating himself typing that update. The positivity in the last 24 hours will have pained him like sunlight to a vampire.

We were always looking for that player. Wilson’s niggles just meant we couldn’t be as picky unless we want a 20 year old and Chris Wood potentially as our only options for 4 months.

Ben Emerton?

Not double barrelled enough (Walker-Peters, Ward-Prowse-Tory). No wonder Che Adams is on the way out - if he was Chetwyn Fred-Adams he’d be a guaranteed starter.

Sangare from PSV would be a peach. Him plus someone on loan and we’ll have had a hellish window. Only negative has been our inability to shift any of the fringe players for cash - Fat Mike really delivering that sting in the tail along with Castore, Fun88, Bruce’s enlarged payoff and Charnley’s bonus.

I just don’t think we can take the risk at this stage of our growth plan on someone who is already feeling an injury three games in. Fantastic player but totally unreliable fitness across a 40+ game season.

Won’t play again until the Palace game in November. By the time the cup on January comes around he might have played another round in December. Will fade to grey in the next window if he can even keep himself fit.

Scott McTomiNeymar?

Dummett is 5 years past his sell by date. More rotten than a mackem’s teeth.

Six year deal by those absolute cretins in charge.

Absolute throbber of a man. Hopefully he gets RSD from blocking and it inhibits his wanking.

This transfer bath was already warm; now someone’s thrown a boiled kettles worth of water into it.

Ornstein still on it like a car bonnet. God status.

Watching Edwards flail about this window like a fish out of water ha been one of the best unintended consequences of the takeover. Hopefully he’ll fuck off the NUFC beat and become womens football correspondent for The Guardian.

Swap Diaby for Pedro and Bank Holiday weekend will be like the last days of Rome…

Inject the embeds.

Getting “Timmy from South Park having a fit” vibes.

Found this vaguely amusing, particularly “dollop of insulation foam”.

Pre-FFP but the sale of their training ground was the biggest grift ever. Makes Everton’s covid accounts look gospel by comparison: https://www.theversed.com/32754/real-madrids-success-was-expensed-by-the-spanish-government/#.9tzU2eEm35 https://www.goal.com/en-gb/amp/news/real-madrid-president-perez-needs-to-live-within-his-means-after-/pt5tjk35j60k19i9klnyz7g20

Might piss on Arsenal’s chips in trying to sign Paqueta (hopefully…)

Dark Justice on speed dial.