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Realistically...

 

1. Shaun Wright-Phillips. I see our 'priority' being right-wing at the moment. Although, i think the real priorities will come next summer when a few will leave on frees and the side can be 'luxurified'. The squad is only 'decent' at the moment, it needs taking the that next level, and that will probably need major spending - which just doens't happen in the middle of a season (ie January).

 

However, right-wing is very weak in general, there's no one after the fairly average Milner, and i think Wright-Phillips is quality. He has crucial pace, and it would make up a very speedy wing combo with him and N'Zogbia. I reckon we should go for him in January; he's still in and out of the Chelsea side with only eight starts. It'd £10m well spent.

 

2. Mikel Arteta. An attacking force through the midfield that would also be a replacement for Nobby, given his technical brain. He'd be Nobby, but modernised, if that makes sense. He's quick aswell and always a goal threat. We really lack that in the centre of midfield. Getting him here would be difficult but worth a try, he's looked thoroughly un-arsed for Everton but games like the Nuremburg one just prove that how when a game needs something to tip it one way, he can do that. The likes of Butt, Barton, Milner and Geremi can't provide that - nor can Emre tbh.

 

3. Dimitar Berbatov. Smith is never going to be a popular choice upfront and i really think Shola's time is about up here. And i think Viduka can be classified as a luxury player moreso than anyone in our squad; he's brilliant when he's in the team and i really like him, and it's obvious that we 'miss' (hard to miss what you haven't really had) him when he's out. Berbatov is a long term 'version' of him, but would be in the team more. Quality player who both Martins and Owen would flourish alongside him, given their respective movement and/or pace. Again, would be difficult to prise him away but, like Arteta, worth a pop.

 

This is dreamland anyway so...

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I'm not Jesus.

 

Would Jesus have had such an effect on Western civilisation if he'd had a broad Hartlepool accent?

 

"Listen here you doyles, better fucking love your neighbour like or I'll fucking bray yous all over"

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That's an idea, why don't we sign Jesus?

 

Just sign God and there's your three in one. The Father up front and Jesus and the Holy Ghost out wide. If you believe in the Holy Trinity that is. If you do, it is the cheaper option.

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Could play one of them in goal as well.

 

Maybe not Jesus though, as he's been known to have had a bit of a nightmare in the past with crosses.

 

No thanks, plays like he has holes in his hands.

 

Ah but 3-0 down in the FA Cup Final, five minutes to go, you think "We need a miracle here" and then Jesus comes on from the bench...

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Could play one of them in goal as well.

 

Maybe not Jesus though, as he's been known to have had a bit of a nightmare in the past with crosses.

 

No thanks, plays like he has holes in his hands.

 

Ah but 3-0 down in the FA Cup Final, five minutes to go, you think "We need a miracle here" and then Jesus comes on from the bench...

 

Be no use when Sam put him in goal for those 5 minutes though

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riquelme

diouf

anelka

 

berbatov/swp/gilberto would be nice but it isnt going to happen. these are 3 i reckon we could get in january, although its debateable if bolton would let us have both diouf and anelka, given the sam/gartside shite

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