Spider Jerusalem

Makes you think, why the fuck can't my team play like that, doesn't it. Watching teams like Derby, Sunderland and Bolton make me wonder why my team don't seem capable of playing like that, and not looking like they have met for the first time at 12:45 on a Saturday afternoon. But watching us for the past few years has made me think that.

Nah too much shite belwo us. Shite that has managed to get something out of matches against us (only win of the season though). Useless fack mackem cnut!

Well this what I said 6 1/2 months ago and its all been a bit predictable. What do you class as efficient football then?

Bottom half.... I'm always of the opinion that if you haven't got 25 points by Christmas then you're in trouble. With the fixtures coming up we'll have 18.

Crystal Palace I think. That sort of sounds right - most recent matches against these seem to have scraped the bottom of the barrel as well.

The paper aeroplane match - a match so devoid of anything that a) people started howking paper aeroplanes made out of Pepperami adverts on to the pitch to entertain themselves and b) I cannot for the life of me remember who we we even playing that day. The best part about the whole thing was some fella complaining to the nearest steward after his horrid little fat offspring was hit in the face - although he wasn't whingeing as much when the little twat was pitching them back up at the crowd beforehand.

Shola - if he's on the field then we really are fucked.

Shit - I must have been really pissed up last year watching us get knocked out one round before they did. Or he could have said "we're really jealous of Newcastle because we didn't have to blame losing out on our one chance of getting into the Champions League on a case of the tom tits'"

So it's the Norwegian equivalent of Wetherspoons then. No seriously. Wandered round for an hour last year trying to get a place showing the match but gave up after wandering into see most showing every sport but football. Ice Hockey seemed to be the favourite.

We are (NI) but it look doubtful under are new manager who doesn't have a clue what he's doing. We've got Sweden away and Spain away :L Want McClaren? Want Nigel Worthnothing? Rather have a pint of Worthingtons and that stuff is piss!

We are (NI) but it look doubtful under are new manager who doesn't have a clue what he's doing. We've got Sweden away and Spain away :L Want McClaren?

Apart from our offside goal in the first half, then. Well apart from the hand of god, Ronald Koeman, having late winners in two quarter finals in separate competitions for 'a foul on the keeper' then thats 5-1 to the referee in my book. Nah, I'll give you another one in the russian linesman. 5-2 then. I'm not trying to say that it's always gone against us, but generally over the years the marginal / referee has gone blind / the referee has made up new rules type of decisions in the big games do seem to weigh more heavily in the 'gone against England' side of the scale. But, it's not this result that has been the downfall of England but the dropped points v Macedonia and Croatia that have cost qualification next year. This should have been an easy group to qualify out of and McClaren hasn't.

Not as gutted as the pub landlords are going to be! Especially since it will be full of penny pinching Scots. They won't know what to do next year as they won't be able to support whoever England are playing - they'll be spinning round in a whirl of confusion - a bit like a vertical version of if you drop a cat off a building with buttered toast strapped to its stomach and back - and probably won't realise they have qualified. Their championship will be over by the time they've watched Braveheart again and counted their pennies for the pub. Well, Braveheart is three hours long you know...... But still, if they qualify I would like to wish them all the best - not going to watch the bastards though.

Not as gutted as the pub landlords are going to be! Especially since it will be full of penny pinching Scots. They won't know what to do next year as they won't be able to support whoever England are playing - they'll be spinning round in a whirl of confusion - a bit like a vertical version of if you drop a cat off a building with buttered toast strapped to its stomach and back - and probably won't realise they have qualified.

Not as gutted as the pub landlords are going to be!

Got in from work and couldn't believe the score knowing it was one nil at half time. Then I read how they scored and it all made perfect sense - dubious decision against England and another in the great series of howlers from Robinson. Stupid fat c*nt is now responsible for losing at least five points in the qualifiers but will probably have an inspired game on Monday. This was just like the goal he conceded against the Germans (I think) when he did everything wrong and palmed the ball down from a cross and into the path of an unmarked striker. To be honest though the dubious penalty - saw it in the Sky highlights - didn't come as much of a surprise because as long as I can remember watching England (since Mexico 86) the marginal descisions in key games seem to have an unusual balance to have gone against us. To get one or two going against you can be put down to human error but to get as many as we have though could be taken to shows that somebody somewhere doesn't like us. Anyway, it just cuts out the middleman of getting knocked out in a more creative manner next year.

The guy clearly showed the 'touch of death' that conspiracy theorists think was used to kill Bruce Lee - that can be the only real explanation for the delayed reaction from Dida. He needs to be locked up as his skills are a clear danger to the general public. In fact, the police should be looking into where exactly he was in the weeks running up to Bruce Lee's death. Or Dida's a cheating conniving c*nt. Can't quite decide.

I thought that dropping Harper on Saturday was not the right decision before the match and thought that afterwards as well. He could have done better for the first two goals and looked shakey / rusty when the ball was passed back to him through the match. The third would have left most keepers in the world clutching for air. Of the two 'wonder saves' that he made in the game most premier league keepers would have been disappointed to get beaten from the range that Elano shot from (Harper made a couple of similar saves v West Ham if I recall correctly) and the second hit him on the shoulder when Mpenza was one on one and he stood tall - with a better finisher and the ball was either side of the keeper then he would have been picking the ball out the back of the net. I know that it's all a big what if, but her's another one for yous - if Harper had the same performance as Given had on Saturday, how many would have been on here demanding he was dropped for the next match? Don't get me wrong, Given has been a great asset to the club and is in the long run the number one at the club but no player should be guaranteed a place on the field which is the message that was sent out by the manager at the weekend.

That's one plus to take away from this match - one more than the Derby game. At least it looks as though this season Martins is trying to work on his two major weaknesses fromlast season, his lack of movement off the ball and overall passing. The most galling thing about this match was that we shot ourselves in the foot as we have done on too many occaisions in the past - while city managed to carve us open a few times most of these we were able to recover, but the killer goal came from the team fannying around and giving the ball away stupidly. After that we were'nt able to get back into it.

you fool How's that - Given was as shakey as hell all game and had at least some culpability in the first two goals. You gimp.

Exactly - the Souness / Roeder tactics of try not to lose by too many today lads

Aye in the eyes of the management according to the lack of movement or changes to try and turn things around

Bag of Shite. Big mistake dropping Harper. Beye has been caught out far too many times and looks as slow as fuck. The midfield have been devoid of anything, and created the second - but having those three in there is going to do nothing but make you play attempt to play keep ball. Lack of any shape to the team and no sort of guidance or decision making from the sideline. Anybody out there prefer Sven to Sam now?

The alarming thing about the game against Derby was how convincingly we lost - we didn't manage a single chance on goal at all in the second half, when we should have been going all out for not just the equaliser but the winner against the whipping boys in the league. This was too much like the performaces under Souness and Roeder when we would be going a goal down then just accept a one nowt defeat. Too many of the 'big name' players managed to go missing on the night. So far this seaon in the league we have had 1 - a match where we got our noses in front and held on in the second half (Bolton) 2 - a match where we have been on the back foot and in reality should have lost (Villa) 3 - a match we were being battered but two great goals managed to secure a point (Boro) 4 -a match against a team who were intent to do nothiung but sit back and try to nick a point while we couldn't hit a barn door from a foot away for 85 minutes 5 - a match where we coudnt break down a defence that had conceded 15? goals in it's previous 5 matches - going down to a team that were beingtouted as the worst since the last time the Mackems were in town (Derby) Not a very good record so far really....

Aye - he's now available for selection. Twelve months without seeing him made me forget that he was such a pile of complete dogsit.