BlueStar

A good job at fucking what? In the vague description of his job role it sounds like Carr and Pardew identify the targets, he goes and takes them to Mike and Mike funds the transfer. What exactly constitutes doing a good job in this role? Not getting lost in the corridor? Wow, thanks Joe, aside from acting like a fucking clown on the radio at every opportunity, you managed to not fuck everything up and things turned out just as well as if we weren't fucking paying you to be here. Congratulations. If we make a great signing and Joe claims he personally identified the player, negotiated the contract, sold the club's vision to him, went and picked him up from London, arranged his house sale, shipped over his cat and scared off rival suitors, will anyone believe him anyway? No.

If he keeps going at this rate he's going to be the answer to a lot of trivia questions by the time he retires.

Hey, during his time as Governor of the Bank of England, Joe Kinnear made the bold decision to lower interest rates to a ground breaking 0.5%. I think he knows what he's doing.

Every time I see his twitter bio I can imagine him going "Well, you know, I probably won't make it as a professional footballer, as I don't have the aptitude for it, if I'm honest. At the end of the day, my poor character limits the amount of success I can have. I'll likely end up in jail and bankrupt, and it'll be down to my own bad choices. But what can I say, I'm a realist." Then I realise he means realest. Sorry, I mean REALESSSTTT.

Alan Pardew assures Newcastle United fans over summer signings http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/football-news/alan-pardew-assures-newcastle-united-4881441

Steven Taylor wanted by QPR manager Harry Redknapp http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/sport/football/transfer-news/steven-taylor-wanted-qpr-manager-4881095

It'll be reduced to a beating on appeal.

http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/news/south-american-football-referee-beheaded-fans-killing-player-084120459.html Shit the bed

If anyone's been busy today, us pulling out of the race will be the first news they've heard of our interest.

I hope Ashley really does have a blueprint, on a big easel like Wile E Coyote. Why was our interest hot enough to be cooled if he doesn't fit in with our plans?

Whey it's not in the Chronicle until tomorrow

Isn't he about 30? Or have we chucked our age limit rules out the window?

Mackem in the comments suggesting us

Where abouts, tattooed on her thigh?

I just don't think they understand.

Buying players for 'non-footballing reasons' has been a problem with our ownership from the get-go, can't imagine it'll change no matter who the manager is.

Put traps down and block up any holes in your skirting board.

The media obviously love the circus, so next time they interview him, why don't they have a producer with Wikipedia open and a line to the interviewer's earpiece? "When I took Luton to the semi-final, that was through..." You never took Luton to a semi-final. Would be much more fun to see him actually challenged on stuff there and then.

That would work if he wasnt missing the season through injury We can't replace him with someone who'll play, what will Pardew's excuses be? Think about it, man.

Well he's versitile and we won't get much money for him. Plus he was pretty awful to start with, and through putting in some effort he improved and had some impressive games which, along with generally coming across as a pretty likeable guy gave him a bit of a cult status ('We've got Perchino' being said only half in jest kind of sums up what it's like following a team that's not currently destined for greatness). If it had been the other way around and he'd started off looking great and waned to the player he is now, more people might want rid. I guess player popularity isn't always rational or something that can be quantified with stat, but that's one of the things about being a football fan I guess. Plus, with Ashley, we don't know who we'll replace him with. It could be an up and coming French youngster. It could be a 32 year old goalkeeper. It could be fucking nowt.

It's estimated 50% of pay day loans companies income comes from the fines and charges they give people for missing payments. The entire business model relies on getting people to take loans they're likely to have difficulty paying back.

"Hi there, I'm calling on behalf of Mike Ashley. Could someone give us a statement on behalf of Mike Ashley please? No? OK."

Surely it's always been the case that if someone gave him all his cash back he'd be off? He seemed to quite quickly realise he'd made a mistake. Why would someone buy us for that much when they could buy any other bottom half premier league club for a fraction of the price and do exactly what they were planning to do with us with it?

It's ok, it's only 10% of fans he won't be able to win over. The other 90% who sent him those tens of thousands of letters of support when he was ill will spring to his defence if people who've been blinded by the media agenda kick off.

"News coming to us now that Gus Poyet has been sacked by Brighton. Gus Poyet, what's your view of that?"