BottledDog

I'm scared. Of our systemic delusional paranoia?

Charming.

Can see him joining Liverpool after they were forced to play Flanagan a lot last season. Enrique will be back. Loved his beans. The fuck has happened to this guy!?

First of many!

If true, actually quite excited by this.

I'm sure Dave has said Northumbria police found no threats were made. Northumbria police when asked said that they had not advised Ashley of any threats. That is not to say there weren't any. It's pretty easy to believe that people basically took some of harsher sentiments posted in this thread, and had a go at the bloke more directly.

The potential loss of a large chunk of the squad, and not just shit the like Gosling adds a certain morbid fascination. Likely to be one hell of a turnover of players so it will be interesting to see where we end up (probably only a 7% chance of ending up in a position of looking forward to the new season mind). Still, that's something at least.

Not one bit.

This. Also, wtf? Document question: What is the club's ambition going forward? Given the target this season was a top ten finish and it has been achieved, what will the target for progression be in the league next year? Also, what is the target for cup competitions next year? The board reiterated the club's commitment to an open and consistent communications process with fans. The board accepted that the second half of the season had been disappointing but underlined its aim of improving on 16th-place finish in 2012/13 with a top ten finish in 2013/14 had been realised. It was stated that the club's aims for the 2014/15 Premier League season would be made public once they had been determined. The board reiterated that the Premier League will remain the club's priority. ----- So, erm, "fuck the cupz," alright, but you still haven't determined WHERE you want to finish next year? How about a simple fucking "we'll aim for the European places" placeholder of a statement? At least fucking LIE to us and make us feel good. Motherfuckers, man. Mother. Fuck. Chill oot. They will state the targets for next season when they have a better idea surely. No point expecting Europe if the sum total of our summer spend is Colback and a half chewed ham sandwich. Surely you set targets and then act in the transfer window accordingly, not set targets dependent on how the transfer window goes? They have stated a target - 'as high a finish as possible'! - Which of course means sod all and goes hand in hand with their 'pound for pound' bollocks. Really, when they are setting targets, they mean a point at which the bonus scheme kicks in. Guess they'll raise that to 8th next year, but they can't set it yet as it will depend heavily on whether we have a decentish summer, not least because the squad itself needs to believe the target is achievable.

This. Also, wtf? Document question: What is the club's ambition going forward? Given the target this season was a top ten finish and it has been achieved, what will the target for progression be in the league next year? Also, what is the target for cup competitions next year? The board reiterated the club's commitment to an open and consistent communications process with fans. The board accepted that the second half of the season had been disappointing but underlined its aim of improving on 16th-place finish in 2012/13 with a top ten finish in 2013/14 had been realised. It was stated that the club's aims for the 2014/15 Premier League season would be made public once they had been determined. The board reiterated that the Premier League will remain the club's priority. ----- So, erm, "fuck the cupz," alright, but you still haven't determined WHERE you want to finish next year? How about a simple fucking "we'll aim for the European places" placeholder of a statement? At least fucking LIE to us and make us feel good. Motherfuckers, man. Mother. Fuck. Chill oot. They will state the targets for next season when they have a better idea surely. No point expecting Europe if the sum total of our summer spend is Colback and a half chewed ham sandwich. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you one of the "Club Representatives?" Get real here, man. They're taking us for a ride, and these minutes have just left me fuming. The more I read, the more I fume. Document question: Why - when we have largely played one game per week and had far fewer injuries to key players - have we been much worse than last season when we also played in the Europa League? The board again accepted that the team had underperformed during the second half of the season. It was noted that the better performances had been witnessed by fans away from home. And what the fuck does that mean? That home fans put too much pressure? ^ No. Just that home performances have been especially shit. No idea why that came out in a question relating to post Europe form mind.

This. Also, wtf? Document question: What is the club's ambition going forward? Given the target this season was a top ten finish and it has been achieved, what will the target for progression be in the league next year? Also, what is the target for cup competitions next year? The board reiterated the club's commitment to an open and consistent communications process with fans. The board accepted that the second half of the season had been disappointing but underlined its aim of improving on 16th-place finish in 2012/13 with a top ten finish in 2013/14 had been realised. It was stated that the club's aims for the 2014/15 Premier League season would be made public once they had been determined. The board reiterated that the Premier League will remain the club's priority. ----- So, erm, "fuck the cupz," alright, but you still haven't determined WHERE you want to finish next year? How about a simple fucking "we'll aim for the European places" placeholder of a statement? At least fucking LIE to us and make us feel good. Motherfuckers, man. Mother. Fuck. Chill oot. They will state the targets for next season when they have a better idea surely. No point expecting Europe if the sum total of our summer spend is Colback and a half chewed ham sandwich.

The reason to fuck the cups off - "The board outlined research into Premier League clubs in relation to domestic cup competitions in the last five years, with Swansea City the only club outside the traditional top six to win a domestic cup and not be relegated in the same season (Birmingham and Wigan Athletic were both relegated). Independent research into the cost of relegation over the past ten years showed there is a 50% chance of not gaining promotion back to the top flight and a 30% chance of being relegated to League One or further. In addition, if clubs do return to the Premier League, it takes four years on average." The board need to lay off the statistics.

"Players were heavily incentivised to finish in the highest position possible, with tenth representing the minimum bonus available." That's interesting. So 10th was the minimum position for a bonus, then increased per place.

Appreciate this stuff, suggests that despite the shit we may still be able to persuade other stepping stone Frenchies.

Nice, be well up for that.

Every time I read it, my brain still interprets the thread title as saying there's 50% chance Pardew will not be sacked.

A return to sexy football. #teamcosta

Total Sport are dog shit. They are rank supercilious dog shit. Utter fucking dog shit. Worse than dog shit. Probably worthy of a thread that.

Very much doubt it's the sole reason, but it's certainly a good way to get the manager to sign whatever you want - Ashley pays the debt off, Pardew pays back Ashley with a low-basic contract. If the manager makes you money (positions, transfers), then performance related gains make sense. Has Ashley ever been involved in gambling?(no nufc jokes needed ) You could argue the way he does business, his whole empire has been built on the back of being a gambler.

Very much doubt it's the sole reason, but it's certainly a good way to get the manager to sign whatever you want - Ashley pays the debt off, Pardew pays back Ashley with a low-basic contract. If the manager makes you money (positions, transfers), then performance related gains make sense. To get the Newcastle job, Pardew would have signed whatever you wanted anyway man. No (bullshit) debts required.

Decent. Not great prospects, but hope we get to remember it fondly.

A manager is only as good as the team he's given...

From todays Fiver - THE PARDIOLA WAY The Fiver likes to think that the pilot of the plane taking Newcastle United back from London last night landed about halfway through the journey – around, say, the hamlet of Hole Bottom in North Yorkshire – then alighted from his aircraft and wandered aimlessly around a field for several hours, pausing occasionally to sample berries or tread in cowpat. We also like to think that when a bemused Alan Pardew accosted him to ask just what the hell he was playing at, the pilot, showing a cavalier disregard for the risk of headbuttery, replied: "I tried to give my best, I think I did OK." For that is how Pardew accounted for his team's unscheduled amble around the Emirates last night, after which Newcastle were left with a sixth straight defeat and a 14th loss from their last 19 league matches. "All I can do is get my team in the best possible place," pleaded Pardew as many members of the Toon Army put their tops on in a traditional Geordie display of disgust. "We could have copped harm tonight when we were 2-0 down but we came out with our dignity still there," claimed the manager, whose novel attempt to find a positive in his side's 3-0 defeat showed that Newcastle are not entirely devoid of creativity. Newcastle's two most inventive players this season, meanwhile, were not present, Yohan Cabaye having been sold to Paris Saint-Germain as soon as Mike Ashley was satisfied that mid-table irrelevance had been secured, and Hatem Ben Arfa having been dropped again, seemingly because of an unsatisfactory attitude. If there was one manager in the league who you might think could empathise with a player who's head is in the wrong place, it would be Pardew, but Newcastle's gaffer, like so many before him, seems unable to get the best out of Ben Arfa, who has enough talent to be on a par with Eden Hazard or even Him but has instead become less useful than Adel Taarabt. Many fans want Pardew sacked and a case can certainly be made for that. Some would say his players have been making it for the last four months. But the only thing United about Newcastle at the moment is that everyone at the club bears some of the blame for their ridiculous collapse in the second half of the season, when they went from challenging for a place in Big Cup to jostling for a deckchair by the pool. Mind you, if we're going to point fingers then let's also jab some in the direction of several other clubs: for what does it say about the self-styled "most competitive league in the world" that a team can drift like logs on the Tyne for several months and still wash up in the top half of the table? http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/apr/29/the-fiver-newcastle-alan-pardew

To be fair to him, he says more than Owen ever did.