Ashley17

Sounds like a rough afternoon

No Ki is a plus for us

De Jong has a strain or a kick

Imagine how good Mane would be if his feet were on the right way round

I'm certain it was. Otherwise we'd have been in it that season ? The irony is I think we were the first to get in for 4th as well

Yesterday Haidara's second touch was usually a tackle. There's not that much between them at all

If you're on the app you most likely haven't, everybody's says that.

We're trend setters to be honest

Defoe and Albrighton on my bench, more than the rest of the team combined

LORD PALMERSTONE

Bolasie on the bench I see...

Settled on: Ruddy - Bonus point system favours saves. Looking at their defence, he's going to be very busy. Sub: Butland - £4.5m, fixtures dovetail nicely with Ruddy in a couple of weeks. Francis - Wanted a Bournemouth defender as their first few home games are canny. Could have been any one of 3. Azpilicueta - Chelsea's cheapest defender, other than going down the Courtois route but see afforementioned bonus points craic Mertesacker - Arsenal's first 5 or 6 games look canny on paper Billy Jones - Wanted a mackem defender seeing as Dick had these bellends organised and they have a nice run of games to start. Sub: Alderweireld - Will play after this week, £5m is nice for a top 6 club defender. Hazard - Sceptical because he doesn't always start all that quickly, but with Sanchez out, he was the go to guy. Fabregas - Don't like doubling up on same clubs in a position but all of Fabregas' good work comes between August and December. Not sure how it'll go without Costa though. Ozil - It was between him and Cazorla. Cazorla takes all the set pieces but Ozil gets some ridiculous assists. Even writing this now I can't decide who to go for. Henderson - Fuck knows why, I hate the little cunt. But here we are. Sub: Albrighton - Leicester's games are ok and he finished last season in good form. Rooney - Of all the 'premium' strikers he has the least wrong with him at the moment Benteke - It was between him and Pelle but hoping he is ready to thrash the tits off Bournemouth next weekend Sub: Defoe - £5.5m striker slot was between him, Wilson & Deeney. Like being the tallest dwarf, really. Can't wait to roll out the wildcard in week 2

He's two days early as well. I like that.

Before you blow your load on Aguero, with him having no pre-season he's going to get 60-70 minutes top surely? If he's been ill as well that isn't going to help. They're at home to Chelsea second game, which will be a Mourinho special, so personally I'm holding off for a few weeks

Just the 5 centre midfielders in our team there

I went Billy Jones, they have a good start and he seems a certain starter

Palace's start is tricky, some tough games in their first 6

Having real trouble deciding this year. Of all the premium strikers, there's only Rooney who I really want and even that would change if they signed another striker. I can't be arsed with Costa's hamstrings, and Aguero is too much at £13m when he's had no pre-season. Giroud was going to be my second pick but he's not guaranteed to start now, which brings us to Benteke. A great goal today but I have no idea how he's going to fit in to their usual style. Who are the alternatives? Pelle or Lukaku I guess. Then there'll be one budget striker who will either be Wilson, Deeney or Defoe but they're all much of a muchness.

Mourinho

Wickham is a striker who can play on the wing, it's the Pardew wet dream signing

Hamstring injury

The Mbemba case has led to a massive trust issue

Fuck off Keogh

I am very thick on these matters, can he literally not even come into the UK on a temporary basis to train with us whilst it's all sorted out?

I don't think the point was entirely about his individual size, just that pairing two under 6 footers in the Premier League is asking to be sodomised