bobbydazzla

Anyone know how many cans of Fosters it’s possible to stick up your rectum before it begins to smart ? Asking for a friend

Shit nee Beers

Anyone know if they'll have drugs sniffer dogs at the town moor that can detect cowies and low purity toot ? Asking for a friend

The swings and roundabouts down near the tennis courts and cafe in Exhibition Park ? Won’t see much from there, too many trees blocking the view

I asked in the club shop last week and they said yes, but also that it'll be a while because they're waiting on a new arrival of Carabao / Fender badges

I've DM'd Michelle Collins on Insta to say she can have my spare ticket and then stay over at mine rather than paying for a hotel at short notice

I know for definite that there’s been talks with Sam’s people and Sam was very keen to do it. Swear down on me nana’s life, nee skinchies Haven’t enquired as to whether it got signed off though

Had forgotten all about that cricket game

I people watch on the way back home Everybody on the town moor sober Standing in cow pats out of the heat Somebody's darlings got shitty feet tonight Oh I can't stop running I see the open top bus I people watch on the way back home I people watch on the way back home Ooh Ooh, ooh

Middle aged geordie youtube tosspot who projects an image of being the voice of Newcastle but has never been to the town moor or has any idea of how to get there What the actual fuck This berk needs to change his name from Mouth of the Tyne to South of the Tyne

Carol Maglia

Tie enough helium balloons to their arms so they’re raised to a height of about 7ft, but not so many balloons that they float away on the breeze

Stand at the front ?

I bought a crate of Fosters from Asdas and have buried it on the moor so I can dig it up and get mortaz on 29th Nee way I’m bouncing around in a clarty field to MC Tazo with nee peeves

Neither of them have season tickets, but they go to loads of games

Saw my Man Utd mate yesterday, he’s furious at what Brexit Jim is doing to the club He was saying that there’s a new rule that if a season ticket holder at Old Trafford misses 3 x games over a season, they get their ST taken off them He’s also got to pay £60 per game for his son’s tickets now they’ve removed concessions And they’ve cut back the matchday staff so much that there wasn’t anyone manning a turnstile when he arrived slightly after kick off, so he was stuck outside I love to hate Man Utd, but chatting to him made me realise just how much Brexit Jim is totally fucking over the ordinary fan. Hypercapitalist wanker

the open top bus parade that has neither been confirmed or denied but is causing much ructions

why wait for the actual when you can whinge about the possible xG innit

They could just park an open top bus on a bridge over the central motorway and anyone who wants to can jog past and wave at the players & cup, be just like start of Great North Run so Health & Safety can’t have any complaints If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the mountain

Already spotted some tickets for sale on SeatUnique, £900 a pop Says they’re in the VIP section where you can drink peeve and you also get special noise cancelling headphones that have been tuned to block out Dury’s commentary during the match replay Tempted, tbh

He should be playing for Saudi Arabia not England

When you were there did you notice if the cows are back on yet ? They usually put them out to graze around March