Ketsbaia

Time for the first goal? He lost to Pardew ffs.

Can't believe those lucky pricks. He compares himself to Klopp, then beats him. Of course he would.

Spurs are destroying Arsenal here. It's so one-sided.

My first goal or assist of the weekend

Corporate Kane fired, suddenly Harry Kane gets goals? No coincidence.

That was more City messing up than Villa playing well, although it may give them momentum going forward.

Taking De Bruyne out of this soon, he's been so shit for me. A world-beater in all the cup games though.

Do we really count today as a clean sheet?

That's the thing - Watford at home looks good, then you realise that they're actually pretty handy. Sunderland are doomed, they have nothing about them.

Bloody sick of Jamie Vardy. Just a poor day all round, although there's clean sheets for Rojo and Van Dijk. Mahrez chose the week I captained him to deliver fuck all.

It must be something about this fixture... http://s17.postimg.org/5rzewlzy7/koeman.png http://www.101greatgoals.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/B0Pm6HvCEAEPP4u.jpg

When's he back from injury? You could tell he was missing toda.... oh, wait.

He had a poor game but it's not like anything from that match made sense.

He had no chance out there, it's impossible to score when you never get past the halfway line. EDIT: Well.....

They killed us, brutalised us, tortured us in a chamber..... yet this was the one we won? Football, eh We were fucking shocking today - a boxing ref would've stopped that long ago - but by god have we earnt such luck.

Genuinely don't know what half the Bournemouth team looks like. They've got a right-back and 100-year-old Distin at CB, plus the likes of Gosling, Stanislas and Smith. Yet they'll still beat us.

Good plan with Armstrong Not too bothered about Carr going, although we'll never know how far down the list his flops are. A CM would be nice, but CB and LB are huge priorities.

Having a free bar at that dinner was stupid as fuck. They knew what would happen. Also, just do what half the clubs in town do - give them a couple of poker chips upon entry, which they can exchange for a free drink.

Chelsea have Norwich (h), Bournemouth (h), Sunderland (h), Watford (h) in their next 7 games. As bad as they've been, surely that's golden for them.... I've brought in Rojo but nervous about his medium-term playing time. Leaning towards Mahrez captain, over De Bruyne.

Absolutely chuffed for him. Pardew is a fucking prick.

Sol Campbell was livid earlier, with Powell's sacking. He'll be in fits right now.

Salah didn't want to play in our 4-3-2-1 formation.

‏@ChelseaFC JT says can take criticism from top ex-players like Rio Ferdinand, Jamie Carragher and Gary Neville, but not ones like Robbie Savage. #CFC Terry is a twat of the highest order, but you have to admire that stinging attack on Savage

The one who played and scored for us on Sunday? Perfect

Don't know about the rest, but Callum McManaman is in my XI. Absolute ringpiece.