Ketsbaia

Maybe he meant "best couch", in which case I'd agree. Lots of padding, leathery face - I reckon he'd be quite comfy. But if he truly meant manager, I don't think any statement in history has ever been more wrong. Levels of delusion never known before. I think he was joking tbh because there's no chance he'd believe that.

I'd hope that staying up by the skin of our teeth will set alarm bells ringing with Ashley. Surely it has to, the freefall has been extraordinary.

Aye I'm foolishly feeling optimistic. This may play into Keith Bishop's hands but the mood seems different now, like the penny has dropped. Few players coming back too, plus no Williamson.

I don't, because Ashley still wont sell. So I'd rather be in the Prem than risk never getting back up. I hate everything about this club right now but I don't think relegation is the answer, it'll just make things worse.

This is fucking awesome. Gently escalating in entertainment. Drunken football.

Starting Armstrong upfront on his own in a league more physical than the PL? We had Shola and Carroll the last time who complemented Lovenkrands and Harewood . Who do we have as a big striker this time? Darren Bent is on a free. As is Hugo Rodallega, Carlton Cole, Yakubu and Sagbo (hull). All our problems solved, amirite? Other freebees: CB: Matthew Mills (Bolton) Lewis Dunk (Brighton) RB: John Flanegan (Very injured thougH) Liam Rosenior Andy Wikinson CM: Joey Barton (lol) Jem Karacan (Reading) LM: Darren Ambrose (lol) LB: Dunk and Bent would be ok at that level, throw in a few loans of the Wisdom/Ince variety and we'd have a half-decent 11 without spending money. Guess who wins again?

As well as Dummett, Haidara, Colback, Abeid and the Forest lads, I reckon we can realistically keep Ayoze and Riviere. For the sake of numbers, we might have to keep Obertan and Sammy too. Not sure what'll happen with Cabella, though.

Barcelona v Bayern: £50 Bet365 on Barcelona (3/4), with free £50 on Draw (3/1) £20 PP on Bayern (4/1), with free £10 on Barcelona (3/4) Either a profit of £26, £80 or £30

Juventus win is £10 profit, draw is £22 but Real is £80

365's £50 on Juve win (17/10) PP's £20 and free £10 on a draw (2/1) 365's free £50 on Real win (19/10) Guaranteed profits and no danger of getting in trouble because, to their knowledge, we've not covered all bases.

Juve/Real, then draw gives either £18 or £60. Agonising decision.

On Bet365: £50 on Real/Draw Double Chance, free £50 bet on Juventus. A profit of either £25 or £31.

Gianluca Di Marzio is reporting that we've agreed terms with Mitrovic. Surely that's only true if there's an asterisk regarding relegation?

Gerbil stew

Stones' 15 on last week's bench, Myhill's 17 on this week's

Our manager thinks managers have no impact. You can't make this up, it's mortifying.

All we can hope is that this weekend has convinced him to play Cabella, Abeid etc against West Brom. Even he knows that something needs to be changed. That, plus the returns of Sissoko, De Jong, Cisse and Aarons could be enough. As long as WBA have no set pieces!

It depends how true that 'players are scared of SJP' article is. There's no quotes but, if true, maybe the protests can wait and we can drag the lads to a win. Oh wait, we have no defence and Carver in the dugout!

Even if Hull lose to Burnley, I still wouldnt trust Spurs or Man Utd. Bruce has definitely got at least 1 win in there.

Dummett just has to be risked - dunno whether it should be at CB or LB.

Honestly don't know how to react anymore

For the lads who have won easy money on that Bet365 offer, should this T&C be a worry? 7. Where any term of the offer or promotion is breached or there is any evidence of a series of bets placed by a customer or group of customers, which due to a deposit bonus, enhanced payments, free bets, risk free bets or any other promotional offer results in guaranteed customer profits irrespective of the outcome, whether individually or as part of a group, bet365 reserves the right to reclaim the bonus element of such offers and in their absolute discretion either settle bets at the correct odds, void the free and risk free bets or void any bet funded by the deposit bonus. In addition bet365 reserve the right to levy an administration charge on the customer up to the value of the deposit bonus, free bet, risk free bet or additional payment to cover administrative costs. We further reserve the right to ask any customer to provide sufficient documentation for us to be satisfied in our absolute discretion as to the customer's identity prior to us crediting any bonus, free bet, risk free bet or offer to their account.

Ohhh no....

Hopefully Arsenal can thrash these. A demoralising defeat before they face Burnley

We're gonna win the league thanks to Alexis.