The Bard of Byker

Until we have someone who actually has the club's best interest at heart, we're just treading water.

Fake news.

Dave Santon as well.

Should be in the NUFC Who's Who book?

Apparently Sky News ticker said that Sunderland Athletic have been relegated. Fewmin'! Bahahaha!

Club statement up: Newcastle United can confirm that a member of its staff has this morning been assisting HMRC with their inquiries. The Club will be making no further comment at this time.

Quarrested.

Morning marras. I've got a TV.

Assuming that Huddersfield just get a point against Fulham, they'll be on 79 points with only 9 left to play for. So we beat Preston then we'll be on 88 points. That's the maximum Huddersfield can get and they'll lose out to our superior GD. So we're up on Monday night football on Sky after a win. Whatever Reading do on Saturday will be irrelevant with us winning on Monday. So Saturday is the all important day. We can't go up with a winton Monday if Huddersfield win against Fulham. http://www.londonlovesbusiness.com/Pictures/web/p/k/p/Supermarket-Sweep-Dale-Winto_466.jpg Wahey! Come on the Toons!

Jermain Defoe in Kings Cross station tonight, 8pm. Getting off a train. As you'd expect in a train station.

Any excuse... http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/50bates.452024.full.jpg

Triggering Article 5 (Wins All Season) as we speak, marra.

'And there's the captain, Charles Charlie Charles, one of the famous Charles brothers...'

I didn't understand the bit with Alan Bennett at the beginning.

Few empty seats there.

Oi Hudders, you're shite!

Don't forget Obertan.

We could lower him down on a rope, just out of the reach of the baying mob, then bob the balloon up and down to infuriate them.

Eleven would be better, actually. A full team.

Or could we release ten dogs with NUFC shirts on, to run about the pitch and that?

Could we hire a hot air balloon, and somehow have it land on the pitch? Then they'd be like 'Aargh, get that fookin' balloon off the pitch man, we're trying to stay up!' and we'd be like 'He he he!'?

Confirmed: Darren Wagstaff won't be whooping it up pitchside on Saturday.

Apparently their manager has been banned.

I've heard an interesting whisper about Huddersfield Town.

Way more dangerous than Mitrovic. He had a good spell when he was at the mackems. Their top scorer for a good while.