Slim Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, Ben said: I never knew that, was that after his charge ? Just when I read the article it said that but no more details. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manxst Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, cubaricho said: Is there a way to put a whole thread on ignore? Fuck me. Easy to not read it, no? People are trying to explain and educate here, and some folk have important and personal stories to tell. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRon Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 1 minute ago, Bimpy474 said: Daft as it sounds, abuse victims still love their abuser. They still see good in that person, still hope to change them, 99% of the time the abuser is good and does genuinely love their victim. Yes that's mental, but you have to have suffered it to know about why such things are never black and white. It's never simple. Some don't see a way out and will stay as they think it's all they have, no matter the abuse they receive. Walking away as simple as it sounds, is the least simple thing do a lot of time. You know what, that really made an impression on me. I have actually seen from a distance this thing played out over a long time with someone I know, and when I asked her why she was still in touch with him, she told me to fuck off as well. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bimpy474 Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) I think my last post was kinda put wrong with the 99% thing. I'm speaking from a limited knowledge pov from personal experience. I think I've generalised a tad too much, hope everyone gets what I meant. Edited January 30, 2022 by Bimpy474 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldtype Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 There’s some irony in Newcastle fans of all people not understanding the psychology of abusive relationships. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbandit Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Yeah, I mean it’s a spectrum, you get some abusers who are ‘good’ most of the time and then lose it at certain moments (e.g. alcohol, specific jealousy trigger) and then you get abusers who are abusive almost all the time and you get everyone in between. The thing that links them together is that they all use coercive control and a lot of the time it’s there even when they’re not being noticeably abusive Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bimpy474 Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 3 minutes ago, TRon said: You know what, that really made an impression on me. I have actually seen from a distance this thing played out over a long time with someone I know, and when I asked her why she was still in touch with him, she told me to fuck off as well. I can only speak from what I saw, and the help we tried to give. You watched the help either ignored, even as you said, told to mind your own business. There's so much more you're not seeing, so much more you don't know. Until it's out in the open, and bam, how was that happening and why didn't we stop it. Honestly the guilt you hold yourself to is unreal, it tears everything apart. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
HaydnNUFC Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Fucking hell. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRon Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, gbandit said: Yeah, I mean it’s a spectrum, you get some abusers who are ‘good’ most of the time and then lose it at certain moments (e.g. alcohol, specific jealousy trigger) and then you get abusers who are abusive almost all the time and you get everyone in between. The thing that links them together is that they all use coercive control and a lot of the time it’s there even when they’re not being noticeably abusive Fine post again my man. It's not a good idea to make snap judgements based on snippets on Twitter. We don't really know anything about these people's lives other than what's put out there in the media. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbandit Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) Simon Grayson looking to stay out of work for the rest of his career, eh? Smart move I can’t read, no idea who Simon Gwynn is Edited January 30, 2022 by gbandit Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
BGRM Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 3 minutes ago, HaydnNUFC said: Fucking hell. What the fuck? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happinesstan Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 1 minute ago, gbandit said: Simon Grayson looking to stay out of work for the rest of his career, eh? Smart move Hang on. Are you as blind as me? I thought it said Simon Grayson as well. Did you also think that was the bloke who played Damon in Brookside? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nobody Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 47 minutes ago, TRon said: I questioned her judgement, and that hasn't changed. He raped her back in October and this is coming out now? She was with him for 3 years man, I just can't get my head around it. That's a separate issue to the assault/s which Greenwood has to answer for. I'm not blaming her for that, but she should have dumped him as soon as he showed any sign of coercion. Mate, seriously, do an hours worth of research on domestic abuse. You're a good lad TRon, but some of your posts in this thread have been extremely ill judged to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRon Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 4 minutes ago, Bimpy474 said: I can only speak from what I saw, and the help we tried to give. You watched the help either ignored, even as you said, told to mind your own business. There's so much more you're not seeing, so much more you don't know. Until it's out in the open, and bam, how was that happening and why didn't we stop it. Honestly the guilt you hold yourself to is unreal, it tears everything apart. Yeah man, I get it. What's weird in that example I gave is that both parties claimed physical abuse. But one was much bigger than the other so that's what made it so unpalatable. Truth is, none of us really knows what goes on between two other people, all we can really do is apply the law when it gets out of hand. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbandit Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 2 minutes ago, Happinesstan said: Hang on. Are you as blind as me? I thought it said Simon Grayson as well. Did you also think that was the bloke who played Damon in Brookside? Yeah, my eyes are awful, disappointed it’s not Simon Grayson now Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRon Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 3 minutes ago, Nobody said: Mate, seriously, do an hours worth of research on domestic abuse. You're a good lad TRon, but some of your posts in this thread have been extremely ill judged to say the least. Well I've been given some good insights from posters here mate so not all bad. I find abusive relationships really hard to comprehend tbh, but then I have a habit of walking away personally from anything I don't like. But everyone's not me, I have to learn to understand that. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bimpy474 Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 19 minutes ago, gbandit said: Yeah, I mean it’s a spectrum, you get some abusers who are ‘good’ most of the time and then lose it at certain moments (e.g. alcohol, specific jealousy trigger) and then you get abusers who are abusive almost all the time and you get everyone in between. The thing that links them together is that they all use coercive control and a lot of the time it’s there even when they’re not being noticeably abusive You put it how I wanted to, thank you. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
McDog Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 6 minutes ago, TRon said: Well I've been given some good insights from posters here mate so not all bad. I find abusive relationships really hard to comprehend tbh, but then I have a habit of walking away personally from anything I don't like. But everyone's not me, I have to learn to understand that. Always good when a man can stop and reflect and get a new perspective. We should all do that. Pretty terrible shit being reported so sad to see. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ9 Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 This thread is mad like. I don’t really think it should be open tbh. Very uncomfortable seeing a bunch of blokes (mostly) making a talking point about horrific abuse visited upon a poor lass. Can we not just close it? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manxst Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 1 minute ago, alijmitchell said: This thread is mad like. I don’t really think it should be open tbh. Very uncomfortable seeing a bunch of blokes (mostly) making a talking point about horrific abuse visited upon a poor lass. Can we not just close it? It’s talking about domestic abuse, in the hope that it educates those that don’t know or have never experienced it, that will help in eradicating it. Why hide it away? If anything prejudicial to an ongoing legal case is brought up, then yes, it should be locked, but I don’t think that has occurred up to this point? Some good and highly important discussion has been had. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ9 Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) Well I understand the point you’re making, because it is important to educate ourselves on wider issues about domestic abuse, but I’m not sure some of the comments on here are particularly helpful, and it does feel a little bit like Men talking about abuse from a man’s perspective if you get what I mean. And we’re only talking about it because it’s a footballer…I dunno, maybe there’s a more sensitive way of having a thread about issues to do with violence against women? Like there is another thread in the chat section here about Sarah Everard and while the same arguments educating each other could be used about that thread, I have also felt uncomfortable talking about the specific ins and outs of these cases because I think sometimes it reduces something terrible to debate and talking points and doesn’t particularly respect the victims. Just my two cents, and I say that as someone who have had close people to me experience some of the things mentioned in these discussions. Edited January 30, 2022 by alijmitchell Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happinesstan Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Trouble is, until a conviction is achieved, she's not legally a victim, so accusing people of victim blame, whilst a perfectly natural emotional response, is a little premature. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hanshithispantz Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 1 minute ago, Happinesstan said: Trouble is, until a conviction is achieved, she's not legally a victim, so accusing people of victim blame, whilst a perfectly natural emotional response, is a little premature. Stan why do you always do this? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manxst Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 Just now, Happinesstan said: Trouble is, until a conviction is achieved, she's not legally a victim, so accusing people of victim blame, whilst a perfectly natural emotional response, is a little premature. What would you call her? Irrespective of a prosecution charge, let alone a conviction, she’s still classed as a ‘victim’. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happinesstan Posted January 30, 2022 Share Posted January 30, 2022 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Manxst said: What would you call her? Irrespective of a prosecution charge, let alone a conviction, she’s still classed as a ‘victim’. I believe 'Claimant' is the term used. Although admittedly I've tried to cleanse my memory of the experience, so I may be misremembering. People in here have already convicted him because he's a young, wealthy footballer. Edited January 30, 2022 by Happinesstan Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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