BlueStar

Hope he gets a full fist cavity search. Seriously, we need to make his first game in charge as uncomfortable for him as possible. Ashley needs to know if he gives his mates jobs, we make their life hell.

What happened to our hooligan firm element by the way? Seem to act like dicks and embarrass us from time to time, but when we actually need someone to burn a car out or punch a twat they're nowhere to be seen.

We know what the match result will be, I'm more interested in how badly it kicks off and how much dogs abuse Pardew gets. If he ends up in a ruck with a fan, that's 3 points as far as I'm concerned.

You're not leaving here alive You're not leaving here alive You're not leaving You're not leaving You're not leaving here alive

It honestly wouldn't surprise me if he'd won this job in a game of poker, when Ashley thought he had the nuts.

Google maps time What's the potential routes that Pardew will have to take in an effort to get in and out of the ground with four limbs still attached?

Menacing chorus of "We know where you, we know where you, we know where you live?"

Pardew has to leave SJP on Saturday too terrified to ever set foot in the ground again.

Who sits in the Milburn Paddock and reckons they've got the best 50 metre sprint and right hook?

Fuck any suggestion of "Oh, well, he's manager now, we have to back him." I want this cunt to only be able to enter the ground in a Group4 van with a towel over his head with a braying mob battering the outside like Myra Hindley's turning up for court. I'm resigned to the football scoreline on Saturday now, my hope is that there's a good number of shots on target in terms of bottles of piss and pound coins. Make no mistake, this has been the plan for over a month and it's only good results which have annoyingly got in the way of Ashley giving another one of his mates another job earlier on.

When I type Pardew's name with predictive text after the first four letters it comes up as 'Rape'

Our incandescent fucking rage is what we need to show.

I keep having moments where it hits me again what an unbelievably stupid thing this was to do.

Why the fuck would Hoddle come here? Based on his logic everyone associated with the club must have been the Third Reich in a former life.

Right, we can safely assume there's no point in hoping Ashley finds a braincell and does anything reasonable like realising he's not got a clue and selling the club, putting his business interests before his mates, investing and showing ambition, letting a football professional deal with the football, so what about the other direction? How much of an unbelievable moron can he be before it comes full circle and starts to work in our favour again? Say, if he goes to jail for professional fuckwittery (fiddling accounts, using his position to arrange Pakistan-cricket style betting shenanigans, nothing would surprise me) what happens to the club? Is there any kind of serious misconduct which would result in him retroactively failing a fit and proper test, or making his position completely untenable, rather than just untenable to any normal person with a modicum of self respect?

Newcastle having the same manager for 5 years We went through 5 in our last prem season, give them a 5 day contract and see if they manage that first.

If you're asking if permanent will actually be in quotes, yes.

Even if he was interested, contract negotiations wouldn't get off the ground. Ashley's had his finger's burnt already by actually putting in Keegan's contract that he was expected to be in charge of the normal things a premier league manager deals with, this one will have at the top "Mike Ashley's word goes, pedro is your assistant unless I fall out with him, you will buy and sell players based on who I owe favours to and not based on who you want in the squad,"

When he feels he wouldn't be safe in the ground, Ashley can lay low and not turn up. A manager can't. Just sayin'...

To be fair, Pardew's always only a male relative with a shotgun license away from that on any given day.

Heyyyy, Alan Pardew Ooh! Ahh! I wanna knoooowwww If you fucked my wife. Gas Par-dew-dew-dew In the oven gas mark two Actually, wait, having second thoughts about that one.

If Pardew turns us down someone will have to come up with the emotion I'd feel. The Germans probably have a word for it.

FYP.

Been suggested in several places that a major factor in sacking Chris was his refusal to take Mike's best mate pedro as assistant. Ie just like with wise giving a mate a job as a favour overrules footballing matters. Which, if true, would limit our choices to those desperate enough for a prem job to not care about having backroom staff imposed on them.

How many teams have had more matches televised than us this season? And will Sky really go "Wow, with a charismatic go-getter like Pardew at the helm, we'd better be there every week!"