Ronaldo

Never wanted that little prick to score so much.

Father Time caught up with Terry at last, then. Both sad and fucking hilarious.

Not in our colours post-relegation, though. Which is what's being discussed. Carroll did almost as much in that half-season as Remy did in a whole one. Carroll has to be in there ahead of him.

You can't pick Remy ahead of Carroll based on their respective appearances for us 2010- mind. Carroll was absolutely on fire from a footballing and goalscoring perspective for our first half season back before being sold.

Credit when due, always been a cracking player, Pedro.

What a deplorable penalty. If you're going down the centre hit it high, dickhead.

Got to play Mitrovic, like. Absolute necessity.

Kin ell, Mojo. Do you ever stop thinking about greasers?

Both players are similarly ineffective. Not liabilities like Tiote but both will always come unstuck against good players. I don't know what in the hell we were thinking paying nearly £7m for Anita.

18 points from Benteke. Still dropping him, mind.

Anita's a tidy, uninspiring footballer and a complete weakling. Him and Colback should be warming the bench.

JT.

on the golf course first thing this morning. Evidently they're not bothering to have a training session this morning with only us to come at the weekend.

Martins vs Boro. Thought that was the goal to keep us up. I'm pretty sure I nearly had an aneurysm.

Yeah, I had to too. 37 points from the first 2 weeks ffs. Abysmal.

Would've been interesting to see how Cabella would've done with a bit of time but the fact Sammy Ameobi scored more goals last season probably tells its own story. It would appear we have several better options than him for the CAM role and he's certainly not a PL winger. Good move for everyone you'd think.

Not bad considering, is the short answer.

Aguero's such a genius.

Ideally neither of them (or Tiote) would be in the team.

Ridiculous. Like Bobby's statue it looks like some sort of parody.

As I've said once, he needs to hurry up and figure out what the players are actually like versus what his perception was when appointed. Coloccini, Obertan, and to a lesser extent Colback have no business being in our chosen Xl.

Schoolboy defending again.

We know he's not up to much defensively. Left exposed and couldn't handle it.

I sincerely hope McClaren's going to drop some of the preconceived ideas he clearly had about some of our shockingly shit playing staff.