Ronaldo

You on drugs? We lost 3-0 to them at home in the near-relegation season and he was repeatedly asked for a wave in the next game. Those people should have been shot in the face. Twice. Would prefer the second shot to go in the chest, like.

I think Dummett's first choice now with Haidara backup. No way having 3 LBs is acceptable at this NUFC.

You on drugs? We lost 3-0 to them at home in the near-relegation season and he was repeatedly asked for a wave in the next game.

I like him too. But his days of starting for Newcastle United might be at an end.

And? He's, at least in some sense, on the payroll. Mention it next time you're on it. I'll try and get on tomorrow night, Ronaldo. We'll see. You need to lay into Lowes, man. Lay into that fat ugly cunt and make him cry.

Who knew a striker who could barely manage 1 in 4 in France would turn out to be utter bollocks.

Yourself, for expecting owt different.

And? He's, at least in some sense, on the payroll. Mention it next time you're on it.

This fucking place, man. Embarrassment.

But not nearly enough to justify Williamson, Gouffran and Riviere in the side. Stop making excuses.

He's probably at least 12 years off his goalkeeping prime, man. Of course he's not fucking good enough by a long shot.

Tenuous to the point of brilliance.

On the other hand we could've easily had Ba and Remy for less than £10m combined.

Dear God.

Find me a 21-year-old keeper with 1 start in professional football who is. It's like saying water isn't wine. This! Krul was tidy on his debut against Palermo iirc. And frequently looked crap thereafter until nailing down his place 5 years later. Prime examples of why you can't judge a young keeper, and you certainly can't judge them on saves because they're all good at making them.

He'll be a bag of nerves for the derby now.

As if Bournemouth and Liverpool is televised over this.

Wasn't there a stat once that suggested Sol Campbell was the quickest player in the league despite being about 36 (and about as athletic as an arthritic tortoise) at the time?

You said he wasn't good enough for the PL earlier this year.

I would also say that Shearer at his very best at Blackburn from 93-95 is the best striker the league has ever seen.

He has a 1 in 2 record despite never being a designated penalty taker and primarily doing donkey work under Mourinho. That constitutes loads in my book. Owen gets called a great goalscorer all the time and he never managed 20 PL goals once.

That's an absolutely horrific stat. What's probably more horrific is that he was comfortably our best defender last season.

Rooney I didn't include because he's still in his prime. Probably got another 100+ goals to score before his number's up so his career can't really be summed up like the others.

Because he was very good at everything. Created loads, scored loads and frequently excelled himself in the big games. I hope the Chelsea comment is an wayward attempt at humour, like. I'd happily see Stamford Bridge burn to the ground with Mourinho and Abramovich locked inside.

To be honest, I'd put Shearer at the best goalscorer, Drogba the best all-round striker and Henry as the most gifted and able footballer.