Nexumaster

http://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/the-alternative-season-preview Apparently we could be the surprise package of the season...

Ah, yes, that's better. Move along.

Fancy describing those scenes and then adding that I've been at Dortmund. I watched them go from 1-0 down, almost like Klopp giving them a head start, to 5-1 up, each goal a devastating counter-attack. I then watched 80,000 people chant Klopp's name until, finally, he smiled and waved at the crowd. At no point did Klopp think they would lose and, in turn, at no point did the crowd think they would lose. Just imagine having a manager like that. A manager that not only wants to win, but gets mad and says "OK, we're going to absolutely batter you now". A manager that makes the crowd 100% sure they will come away with the win and will be shocked at anything less. It was heart-breaking, man Someone needs to bring me back down to reality with a cutting remark now

Fancy describing those scenes and then adding that

I know he wouldn't leave BD for us but I'd cream my jeans if we had Klopp take charge while Pardew fiddled with his ding-a-ling down at Palace only to be relegated. Dreams, hallucinations, straight jacket etc. etc.

16 Aug 12:45 Man Utd 3 - 0 Swansea 16 Aug 15:00 Leicester 1 - 3 Everton 16 Aug 15:00 QPR 2 - 2 Hull 16 Aug 15:00 Stoke 1 - 0 Aston Villa 16 Aug 15:00 West Brom 1 - 0 Sunderland 16 Aug 15:00 West Ham 1 - 2 Spurs 16 Aug 17:30 Arsenal 3 - 1 Crystal Palace 17 Aug 13:30 Liverpool 2 - 0 Southampton 17 Aug 16:00 Newcastle 0 - 2 Man City 18 Aug 20:00 Burnley 0 - 3 Chelsea

Another clean sheet last night. His head will explode if he keeps concentrating like this.

Brilliant start to my morning, great read.

Lando Calrissian

Maybe I've got the intention of those bits wrong? My thoughts were the teams in my bottom three will be turbo-**** and WBA should do alright but will probably only just miss the drop themselves.

Premiership Winners: Man City Runners Up: Chelsea 3rd-6th: Arsenal, Manure, Liverpool, Everton Relegation: Sunderland, Southampton, West Ham Overachievers: Leicester Underperformers: WBA Top Goal Scorer: Augero Break Out Year: Drinkwater Season to Forget: Torres (again) PFA Player of the Year: Augero PFA Young Player of the Year: Barkley Manager of the Year: Van Gaal First manager to quite/be sacked/'mutual consent': Fat Sam Newcastle United Where will we finish?: 13th Top Goalscorer?: De Jong How will we do in the cup competitions?: s**** How will we do in the derby games?: Slightly better this time. Domestic Championship Promotion: Derby, Wigan, Fulham Championship Relegation: Leeds, Blackpool, Rotherham League One Promotion: Sheffield United, MK Dons, Bristol League One Relegation: Notts County, The O's, Rochdale, Oldham League Two Promotion: Mansfield Town, Dag & Red, Stevenage, Burton League Two Relegation: Tranmere, Exeter FA Cup: Chelsea League Cup: Arsenal Europe La Liga winner: Real Madrid Serie A winner: AC Milan Bundesliga winner: Bayern Champions League winner: Bayern Europa League winner: Liverpool World Player of the Year: Messi Other Who will start the most games at left back for us? Mbiwa Will Bojan be a success at Stoke? No How many times will we see 'arry hanging out of his window on transfer deadline day? 5 How many goals will Fernando Torres score this season? 4

http://www.nottinghampost.com/Worried-friends-family-plea-missing-student/story-22016016-detail/story.html Newcastle fan living in Nottingham missing. Was unsure where to post to raise awareness of this so figured I'd set it here.

Anyone know who is doing the 14/15 Premier league stickers? Thinking about starting one up this time, haven't had one since about '98!

Black is slimming don't you know

Aye, not nearly as bad as I feared. Could be better, but hey-ho

http://i.imgur.com/y0JNYF5.jpg Ugh, why can't we get that. I kill myself looking at these photoshops only to see our actual shirts revealed which are barely even average

Doubling our (Ashley's) money!

Last few games would be winnable ones for any side with ambition in the top half, for us it probably means a long slog in the bottom three only to claw out at the very end of the season. Cashley must be pleased. Urgh.

Just imagine watching Puyol and Colo playing at centre half together Dat hair

Just drew Cameroon in the work sweepstakes. FFS. Got to hope they get battered to win a consolation prize for the team with worst points and GD.

Experiment you say

Not sure if giggs http://metro.co.uk/2014/01/23/remy-cabella-will-be-bored-sless-in-newcastle-says-montpellier-president-louis-nicollin-4274861/

Let me play you de Jong of my people.

We gonna sell Cabaye before Sunday? Injured, doubtful he will train on Friday. If this is genuine and not protection for a move then I wouldn't be too distraught. Park the bus and hope to only get slapped 0-2 against Man City, save Cabaye so he's fresh for Wham and Norwich. 6 points from these 3 games should still keep the season alive.

"Stoke are good, Newcastle are also good though" Gotta hand it to the man, he knows how to turn a sentence into an essay and still say the exact same thing.